Bi-Polar Daily Check-In Thread #5

Roblovescats · May 27, 2014, 12:38 AM

I love avocado. Just saying. What the heck is the deal with bacon costing more than Filet Mignon? I heard there was going to be a shortage and price increase but sheesh! It like quadrupled in price! Keep it. Don't like it THAT much. I did some painting...

. It's looking better. Far from done.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

May 27, 2014, 01:08 AM

Feeling blah today, I hadn't intended on working again till Friday. However they had a staff shortage today so I went in for 5 hours. Since it was a holiday I get double pay which is nice because I am still trying to catch up after my manic spending sprees from the last few months. My sleep is finally getting a little better as well, still not great though.

Sad&Bipolar · May 27, 2014, 01:30 AM

I agree. Why doesn't it ever get any better?

Sad&Bipolar · May 27, 2014, 01:34 AM

When I feel awful on the inside, tastes like avocado and bacon seem to make life just a bit better. We buy bacon at the meat counter at the grocery store, so we can just buy a few slices at a time. That way it is more affordable. We avoid the pre-packaged bacon.

I hope you enjoy finishing your painting.

Standup2me · May 27, 2014, 10:34 AM

Very tired, got about two hours of sleep
Too much brain chatter

Turtle spirit is telling me to listen to the rythems
of my heart, body and soul
Love Mother Earth

I am going to work on that today

avlady · May 27, 2014, 10:47 AM

It seems weird everyone is feeling better, so am i think its because the weather is better too.

bumble2u · May 27, 2014, 12:19 PM

Trigger:

Spent last few months working on an

art show to raise money for mental health org. Feel totally wasted ,and now all those bad thoughts are here. Cannot stop thinking about how to end this. Feel absolutely at my end.really hurt, even when my friend is thanking me for work i did for him. Wanted to cry in his arms but of course I would never do that. Just gone cold instead. As usual cold in my heart. composed in-front of others . I don't think i have anything left to offer. I'm supposed to be under ACT now, i guess i could call but who want's to listen to a whiny *****. I really am not sure how I can get through. I have so much work I still have to do and no energy unless i ditch my pills then I would. Just want to disappear. sorry for miserable post.

Blitter2014 · May 27, 2014, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Trigger:

Spent last few months working on an

art show to raise money for mental health org. Feel totally wasted ,and now all those bad thoughts are here. Cannot stop thinking about how to end this. Feel absolutely at my end.really hurt, even when my friend is thanking me for work i did for him. Wanted to cry in his arms but of course I would never do that. Just gone cold instead. As usual cold in my heart. composed in-front of others . I don't think i have anything left to offer. I'm supposed to be under ACT now, i guess i could call but who want's to listen to a whiny *****. I really am not sure how I can get through. I have so much work I still have to do and no energy unless i ditch my pills then I would. Just want to disappear. sorry for miserable post.

Hi Bumble. I find staying focused on a single task helps me not think about me or where I am at. So even though I am breaking inside I can ignore that if I can distract....and a good destraction is helping others as you have been doing.

But it hasn't removed the battle in your head, just changed your focus, hence being so tired cause you have still been battling - just in the background rather than full frontal. You have done something truly wonderful in giving to someone else, yet you probably wish someone was putting that much energies and effort into helping you....I know yhats how I would feel. Spend your last cent helping the homeless and you expect karma to help you back type thing.

Cold at heart could be you protecting yourself......no exposure is no embarrassing self, no explanation required, everything is ok so don't ask. It's just easier. You probably don't have anything left yo offer atm....doinds like you gave this project your all...don't beat up on yourself for running out puff... sounds like anyone would. Personaaly I have just come off seroquel and found it one of the worst zombifying and self motivation sapping drugs I have ever been on. Well done for battling through thst....It made me just want yo ignore the world till I got do angry with my inaction that I would fly off and rant and race around till I was exhausted.

Most of all, there is no shame where there is no choice, you didn't choose what you suffer from and yet you find it within youself to give time and energy to others. If anything I commend you and say well dine. But you've run yourself empty and now need some downtime- be ok with that.....the nervous high energy you probably been running on can only last do long....give yourself a break.

Hugs

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BlackSheep79 · May 27, 2014, 02:05 PM

Woke up today feeling very depressed, I even missed work because of it. Just trying to get thru the day.

Blitter2014 · May 27, 2014, 02:13 PM

As for me....woken scared. Scared from my nightmares. Scared from the fact the meds are not working quite as well as they were a week ago. Scared of me.

Normal. One of the most used words on the planet.... yet one I wish I could use to describe me

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bumble2u · May 27, 2014, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

Hi Bumble. I find staying focused on a single task helps me not think about me or where I am at. So even though I am breaking inside I can ignore that if I can distract....and a good destraction is helping others as you have been doing.

But it hasn't removed the battle in your head, just changed your focus, hence being so tired cause you have still been battling - just in the background rather than full frontal. You have done something truly wonderful in giving to someone else, yet you probably wish someone was putting that much energies and effort into helping you....I know yhats how I would feel. Spend your last cent helping the homeless and you expect karma to help you back type thing.

Cold at heart could be you protecting yourself......no exposure is no embarrassing self, no explanation required, everything is ok so don't ask. It's just easier. You probably don't have anything left yo offer atm....doinds like you gave this project your all...don't beat up on yourself for running out puff... sounds like anyone would. Personaaly I have just come off seroquel and found it one of the worst zombifying and self motivation sapping drugs I have ever been on. Well done for battling through thst....It made me just want yo ignore the world till I got do angry with my inaction that I would fly off and rant and race around till I was exhausted.

Most of all, there is no shame where there is no choice, you didn't choose what you suffer from and yet you find it within youself to give time and energy to others. If anything I commend you and say well dine. But you've run yourself empty and now need some downtime- be ok with that.....the nervous high energy you probably been running on can only last do long....give yourself a break.

Hugs

Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk

Hi Blitter, thanks for your message. I guess I'm just spent. This was the second show in quick succession. My other one was working closely with a lovely chap who suffers quite badly from mental health problems. Catering to him was not easy.
I am trying to distract , just watched a whole mid-day rubbish show about women and bras, it can't get more base than that. The thoughts won't go. I have so much other work to do still and can't find the brain to do it. I never really thought about returns.
I think there are people that want to help but you know how it is when you can't voice what you need let alone say how you feel. I suppose mostly people have friends that they talk to or do they? I appreciate your comments. To be seen for a millisecond is a strange mix of alarming and relief.
I hope your week is a good one .
Thank you. B

Blitter2014 · May 27, 2014, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumble2u

I think there are people that want to help but you know how it is when you can't voice what you need let alone say how you feel. I suppose mostly people have friends that they talk to or do they? I appreciate your comments. To be seen for a millisecond is a strange mix of alarming and relief.
I hope your week is a good one .
Thank you. B

I know what its like to be standing in a room full of people all they ask how you are? and all you can manage is 'ok', ..to stand their and try to explain is embarrassing, your not really sure what one thing is wrong so you cant explain it in under 200 words, your not really convinced they want that much info, and it exposes you too much.

I wish I had more friends. I tend to think too deep, be too draining. I know people care- but from their point of view they can only give if they have got it to give. There's a thread on here which asks if you didnt have mental health issues where would you be? My response was on another forum trying to sort out no doubt some other issues. All people have problems and only a few have enough emotional energy left over for someone else.

My point.....some of the best advice I got on here was try tp spread you need for human contact into as many small baskets as you can, rather than loading up just one or two (friends). Making friends is not easy...so share bit load by caring about a stranger, talk T, talk friends, talk partner, talk councilor, talk neighbors.

Idea being you will have greater support network and not do what we all tend to do and that's limit ourselves to only telling a few everything, rather than telling a few to everyone.

Have some downtime, recognize you ok but spent and share your load with others on here. We care.

Hugs

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tigersassy · May 27, 2014, 07:37 PM

I think I'm heading to hypo. I should be asleep, but I'm wide awake. With racing thoughts too. I want to do so much stuff. I've got lots of things to do at work tomorrow. I really hope that I can keep up with my thoughts. Omg! I really want to paint. I don't think that I'll ever be able to do real paintings, but I think I can do abstracts. This is so exciting. New things. So many new and wonderful things to do. Wonder what tomorrow is going to be like. I am trying to make my brain shut up, but it's not working...... I really need to sleep have to be awake for work in like 7 hours. I try really hard to get 8 hours, but sometimes it doesn't work. Oh well.

Tig

Espurr1989 · May 27, 2014, 10:15 PM

Yesterday I was really depressed and almost ready to quit school and everything. I believe this was because I was around people too much this weekend with working and playing Pokemon/Magic Saturday afternoon. But today was much better. Didn't get much done, but did get some much needed rest, did read up on Bipolar, joined this forum, and had a talk with my husband about things we've been avoiding, so I guess I wasn't totally unproductive. Tomorrow is a counseling appointment, and I have high hopes for that.

Moreta · May 29, 2014, 06:27 AM

I'm starting a 7 day detox program today. Well see how it goes. Tomorrow is my last day at work, so I'm bummed about that.

Blitter2014 · May 29, 2014, 07:43 AM

Im here for my daily check in.
So far one panic attack where I couldn't get the feeling of termites of my skin and had to wash everything.... one driving my wife to tears with stress from me and still no diagnosis on the car and probably not even going to be finished by long weekend next weekend and we booked to go away, and can't work without it.

Nah...not feeling stressed at all

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Skitz13 · May 29, 2014, 08:26 AM

The mixed episode is over and now I'm just down to depression. I hate this lost and alone feeling. Not wanting to get off the couch, turning off my phone, lying to people so they wont come over, including my kids.

Yes I know, this will pass but in this state it feels like forever.

Tired of the fight. Just so tired

May 29, 2014, 09:55 AM

Sweet sleep has returned! A depression has taken the place of the mixed episode I was having. However after the hell of the mixed episode I don't really mind too much.

I have to return to work tomorrow morning; but as for today a few friends and me are taking a trip up to the main campus of my school which is about 50 miles away so that I can get my textbooks for my summer classes that start in a few weeks.

Standup2me · May 29, 2014, 02:55 PM

Today I am so thankful for all of you.

I am having a major meltdown and am comforted being with
people who understand.

Hbomb0903 · May 29, 2014, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plzsti

The mixed episode is over and now I'm just down to depression. I hate this lost and alone feeling. Not wanting to get off the couch, turning off my phone, lying to people so they wont come over, including my kids.

Yes I know, this will pass but in this state it feels like forever.

Tired of the fight. Just so tired

I'm so right here with you. I layed around all day with the kids yesterday and thus had poor sleep last night, so I slept and layed around most of the day today. I feel like nothing. But shame and resentment and sad. What the heck is this creature I have become. It's just heartbreaking, yet I can't find a way past the apathy and fear.

for you and

for me too

tigersassy · May 29, 2014, 07:33 PM

Went to the Dr on Tuesday found out I have an infection so I got antibiotics and now I'm nauseous and have been for 2 days. Calling Dr in am and letting her know hopefully she lets me off it and take something else. Feel like when I take my regular meds I'm going to throw them up. Would not be a good thing. Fml. Therapist wouldn't let me cancel my appt. I had to reschedule for Saturday. I'm sorry but illness should exempt the 24 hour rule. You can't control illnesses. Eugh...... curl up and die now. I hate feeling like I'm going to be sick.

Tig