[sweepy62]

I know I should not wish this, but I been kind of in between hypo and a bit depressed at times , then baseline, then irritable, angry, edgy omg.
when I was manic, I was on top of the world, everything was perfect and coloful, I could achieve anything, I was the best, my self esteem exceeded 100 percent, intimacy was superb, of course it might not have been with h. Btw, I was off meds and on different ones, I remember only taking ad , I guess I self induced it, along with some stressors.

[Marshellette]

You will not miss the lack of sleep.

[Broken Robot]

I feel the same way, but the crash after is miserable.

[r010159]

It is easy to remember times like that as being with no problems, that everything was golden. A person in mania is not concerned about their own and other people problems that they are creating. I have been manic like that, and very self-destructive and a huge problem for others in my life. This is how I lost important relationships and in part was responsible for my divorce.

But it feels so good. I miss those very few times in my life where I was very productive and did everything. Everything was wonderful to me. And I did not do much damage to relationships this few times I was hypomanic, at least from what I know. Its those other times that has me really concerned. And also much of my mania is mixed. So that is not a good time.

But some people can live that way successfully. I wish I was one. But I am not.

[Talanic]

I can understand. In a lot of ways I miss it as well. Feeling like you're on top of the world, able to do anything you want. I had self confidence, was able to do things that's almost imposable when depressed. Whenever I get manic I feel very high, very happy, end up studying all day long without rest. But I always found that I tend to do stupid things because I was so "high". Like say things I didn't mean, or act kind of weird. The crash afterwards is pretty bad as well...

I also don't miss the lack of sleep when in mania... I'd honestly walk back and forth for 4 hours into the night just thinking and analyzing because my mind was just so active. Made it almost impossible to sleep.

I miss feeling so great and amazing (Doesn't help that I hardly ever feel completely happy so it makes me miss it even more). But I don't miss the negatives. It's most likely for the best.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Talanic

I can understand. In a lot of ways I miss it as well. Feeling like you're on top of the world, able to do anything you want. I had self confidence, was able to do things that's almost imposable when depressed. Whenever I get manic I feel very high, very happy, end up studying all day long without rest. But I always found that I tend to do stupid things because I was so "high". Like say things I didn't mean, or act kind of weird. The crash afterwards is pretty bad as well...

I also don't miss the lack of sleep when in mania... I'd honestly walk back and forth for 4 hours into the night just thinking and analyzing because my mind was just so active. Made it almost impossible to sleep.

I miss feeling so great and amazing (Doesn't help that I hardly ever feel completely happy so it makes me miss it even more). But I don't miss the negatives. It's most likely for the best.

Yes, I dont miss the lack of sleep or the negative side to it, or my irresponsabilities that come with it, I get super creative, I am very creative as is, I love to draw, but when manic, I feel on top of the world, but the lack of sleep, does hinder my judgement. The crash afterwards is not good, I go from wonderful, to being very irritable angry , although, I have been like that usually these days. I tend not to be on the depressive side, of this disorder.

[Flummixed]

I used to love being manic as well. When I was younger it served me well. I excelled at work because of my high productivity and was able to get by when I would crash. Now unfortunately if I go manic I'm really mean and my temper is beyond short. I wish I could turn back the clock and go back to when it made me feel so great. I know how you feel and I get tempted to stop my meds but my wife knows me too well and catches me thank God. Take care and good luck!

[Talanic]

I never really get a temper when manic. That's interesting that it changed for you. The only time I would get a temper is when going from manic to depressed. Sure I was able to do tons of work, be super productive and lots studying when manic. But it wouldn't last that long, then once I get to the depression side I wouldn't be able to do any of those things. So in the end my time being super productive didn't really mean much.

[sweepy62]

I get super creative and artistic the world is so colorful , on the flip side I'm irritable angry annoyed every little thing bothers me. Kind of how I been feeling for the past week

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[lolie.rosa]

This post helped me identify periods of mania in my life since I have been recently diagnosed after a major psychotic episode but my pdoc told me I probably had the disease since many years without noticing. I kinda have a bipolar personality, it's so much of how I am it gets difficult to say when I was manic. I used to practice 8 to 10 hours a day and be highly productive, doing many things at the same time. I've always been a bit megalomanic. But I don't remember having troubles to sleep until one year before my psychosis. I couldn't sleep but I was mostly depressed. Then I got crazy and thought I was the center of the world, the tv speaked directly to me and there was cameras everywhere watching me. I don't understand what do you mean with crash. I got well imediately after leaving hospital. It means the moment you realise the stupid things you did? Because for me that was the worst part. But I miss being very creative as I used to be. I used to sit and write for hours. Now I can't come up with a single idea and I feel much less smart.

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[outlaw sammy]

[quote=lolie.rosa;3726108]This post helped me identify periods of mania in my life since I have been recently diagnosed after a major psychotic episode . . . Now I can't come up with a single idea and I feel much less smart.

Hi! I think what the others mean by the "crash" afterwards is the commonplace depression that usually follows a manic episode, but frankly, I've never experienced that. My depressions just happen when they happen, but I refer to the "crash" after a manic episode as all the damage and wreckage I've left behind as a result of my insane actions, words, and thoughts. I once spent about seven thousand dollars during a manic episode on a road trip hunting down old friends from high school living in California and Montana. The "crash" (after I came back to my senses) was the foolish debt I'd accumulated and explaining to my boss why I just took off without a word. Some who have BP1 & BP2 have the luxury of keeping it a secret - I'm not so lucky. AND NO I DON'T MISS MANIA! It's too expensive.

[wildflowerchild25]

I totally understand. It's what enticed me to go off my meds in March. But what goes up must come down and the down was terrible and full of psychosis even though I was back on meds at that point.

I'm manic now but managing because of geodon. And I'm unhappy because I can't concentrate on anything and I have a shitload of work to get done which won't get done because I'm too high...I have to say I miss being HYPOmanic. That's the best. But it just goes bad.

[Talanic]

Originally Posted by lolie.rosa

This post helped me identify periods of mania in my life since I have been recently diagnosed after a major psychotic episode but my pdoc told me I probably had the disease since many years without noticing. I kinda have a bipolar personality, it's so much of how I am it gets difficult to say when I was manic. I used to practice 8 to 10 hours a day and be highly productive, doing many things at the same time. I've always been a bit megalomanic. But I don't remember having troubles to sleep until one year before my psychosis. I couldn't sleep but I was mostly depressed. Then I got crazy and thought I was the center of the world, the tv speaked directly to me and there was cameras everywhere watching me. I don't understand what do you mean with crash. I got well imediately after leaving hospital. It means the moment you realise the stupid things you did? Because for me that was the worst part. But I miss being very creative as I used to be. I used to sit and write for hours. Now I can't come up with a single idea and I feel much less smart.

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I'm glad this thread was able to help you identify some things. I remember when I was first diagnosed I had a billion realizations.

Well, partly what I mean by saying "crash" is when going from manic to a depressive stage. Going from a very happy moment then a very depressed moment is pretty bad. It's kind of like having a small taste of something you can't have. Being happy when you hardly are, then when you're depressed there's added sadness because you just want to be happy again and you think "Why can't I have this?"

like being able to touch something you very desperately want and then have it immediately taken away from you

[BipolaRNurse]

I looooves me some hypomania and am missing it right now, but the practical side of me knows what it cost to get me to this state of remission and I know better than to mess with my meds or otherwise induce hypomania. It would be one thing if it stopped there, but most times it turns on me and becomes a nasty, irritable, reckless, angry mania and NOBODY enjoys that. And the hangover that comes after the crash is unspeakable. It's so not worth it.