[fire~n~ice618984]

Hi was diagnosed about a month and a half ago with Bipolar Disorder after exhibiting severe hypomania. I feel defective. While the episode seems to have come to an end with the help of Latuda and Lithium I feel like I'm a walking target and everyone (strangers) know. I'm trying to come to terms with this new aspect of myself but finding it very to accept it with a positive mindset. Is this normal? Will I someday be able to embrace being Bipolar as part of me? Or am I doomed with all the negativity?

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[MagicsMom]

Welcome to PC! I was recently diagnosed within the last year and I still find it difficult to accept. But I don't let it define me. I was blissfully unaware I was bipolar for 30 years so it's very hard to accept. But I have the right med cocktail for the most part so I try not to think about it.

I have only told my family and 2 close friends and their response was "oh it all makes sense now".

[BipolaRNurse]

I was diagnosed only a little over two years ago, and it took me most of that time to come to full acceptance of my reality, even though looking back, the signs have been there since I was very young. When I was first diagnosed, I felt like I was walking around with a huge "Bipolar" sticker plastered across my forehead; I was the only person I knew at the time with the disorder and it was a VERY lonely place to be.

There was a distinct grieving period for the person I'd thought I was. There also was a time when I believed the diagnosis was wrong, and for this I was rewarded with a one-two punch of mania and depression that nearly landed me in the hospital. I didn't really come to understand the permanence of BP until recently, and strangely enough it was when I realized I will likely never come off anti-psychotics (let alone the other meds I take) that I finally got it through my thick skull that I'll be dealing with this for the rest of my days.

That "a-ha!" moment is different for everyone. Welcome to PC, where you'll find help and support from people who know what you're going through. I hope your transition through this difficult period will be short and gentle.

[Talanic]

I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago. It took me awhile to fully accept it and to come to terms with it. After my discharge from the hospital they recommended to my doctor that I get checked out for bipolar. When my doctor told me that my first reaction was honestly filled with anger. But after I got home I did some reading and everything just clicked and made sense. Part of the anger was just because I didn't know much about it. At the time a friends grandma was abusive and would yell at my friend a lot... and a lot of my friends said she was "bipolar" (even though she wasn't). That was partly why I was pissed off at first, because I didn't know much and thought that being bipolar meant being like my friends grandma. But the more I learned the more accepting I became and the more it helped to come to terms with it. My advice would be to learn as much as you can, and to give it time. As time goes on, and as you stabilize with the help from meds it gets easier. As with anything just give it time and focus on getting better. Take things day by day.

It's completely normal to feel that way. I felt the exact same thing at first. It is after all a pretty heavy diagnosis.

You're not alone

[fire~n~ice618984]

I have been reading up a lot on it. My mother and I both had the "That explains a lot" reaction. While it explains many things as a child, teenager, and now I do feel a sense of anger. When I was 19 years old I was in and out of a mental health crisis center several times until just before I turned 21. I remember drs and clinicians telling me they thought I was Bipolar but they didn't want to label me at such a young age with such a heavy diagnosis. Instead they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. If they had done their job right the first time would I be better now?
Now I've been working with my current therapist for 5yrs now. When I first started seeing her she didn't feel I had BPD. Instead about a year and a half ago she strongly believed I was ADHD. But still while taking Ritalin I didn't feel right. About three months ago I started going downhill rather quickly. And that's when she started discussing Bipolar. Again I felt anger. If someone had noticed it sooner how would I be today.
I guess I should be grateful that finally I got the right diagnosis and care and I'm starting to feel differently in a positive way. But still 11yrs of my life that I'll never get back.....
Thank you everyone for your kind support. I feel this will be a great place for me.

[Trippin2.0]

When I was dxd and had my "aha" moment, I didn't struggle to accept my dx.

For me it was more of "Sooo THAT'S the type of crazy I've been all along!"

Which means even though I never knew its name, it wasn't new to me, which in turn means it didn't change a single thing about me.

I too could have been dxd in my teens, but my parents chose the route of denial instead of help. Sometimes when I'm struggling, I also wonder if I would've had a better life if I knew all along.

Perception plays a huge role into whether or not we accept our dx, and also plays a part in how long it takes to reach acceptance.

After researching me to death and learning as much as possible about bipolar, I discovered
I just couldn't accept being ill or defective.
It caused a lot of chaos between my dx and I, because FOR ME personally, its proved to be a negative perception. This mindset also played a part in worsening my condition for quite some time.

For me, it has brought contentment to readopt my undxd perception, which is that I'm wired differently. It has helped me accept my bp as just another facet of my being which means there's a type of harmony between me and the beast. Well most days anyway

Although on the flip side, other members benefit from the ill mindset, as it reminds them to take care of themselves.

Bipolar is a spectrum disorder, and we're all individual, so its up to each of us to find the path that suites us best.

I hope you find your footing soon
aboard the bipolar express

[Capriciousness]

I was diagnosed in January 2011. It took me until August 2013 to actually totally completely believe that I am Bipolar and that I need medication. What is confusing about this is that it also made sense to me and explained a lot about my life. Shrug. Now you'll see that my acceptance was not even a year ago but I already feel so far away from those feelings. I am so obviously Bipolar. It took a lot to get me there. This board helped a lot. Learning so much about the disorder from people who actually live it. So much more than I ever learned from a pdoc, a book, and article, the dsm. Also it took a lot of really ****** experiences to get it into my head that I actually have this serious illness.

It is a journey. A long tough journey. I think you will definitely get there someday. Stick around here. This is a good place to be while you are processing this.

Good luck and welcome!

Bipolar people are awesome! Bipolar disorder sucks!

[StartingFreshNow]

I was diagnosed about 6 months ago. Sometimes I think I've come to terms with it and embraced it. Other times, not so much. I still doubt the diagnosis frequently. I also keep thinking - why was I fine for 32 years and suddenly I have this major problem that needs so much time, attention and money??????

I think it just takes time to get used to. It's just like any other diagnosis, just with less confirmation. If I were diagnosed as diabetic I know I'd have a hard time with that diagnosis even with hard proof of the illness. This is just harder because there are no definitive tests, in my opinion.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I was diagnosed 3 years ago, at the age of 20, the spring semester of my sophomore year of college. Before that I had been diagnosed with adjustment disorder and then with MDD, but the treatment wasn't working (which all makes sense now, since my Dx).

Even though I knew my diagnosis was coming, I was still in shock when I got it, and it took me awhile to actually accept it, even though I knew that it was right.

It takes time to adjust, especially because there is such horrible stigma about bipolar, and mental health illnesses in general, and I think part of why it's hard to accept is that you don't want to be labeled as "crazy" or associated with the extremes.

Be kind to yourself, and know that you will be able to accept it. Just not right now, and that's okay.