The Aftermath

Do any of you struggle with trusting yourself after a manic episode? Over the years I've experienced 3, and after my last one I have found myself struggling to move forward in my life. I have been able to get a couple of part-time jobs and I'm teaching yoga, but my issue is that I want to take the next step. I either want to go to grad school or travel or just do something big to move forward, and I have a difficult time trusting my intuition... it's hard to identify the difference between what's a feeling and what's my gut telling me. I find myself second guessing every idea, decision, and looking back with so much regret. I want to apologize to old friends who experienced my last manic episode, even though I know that apologizing won't change what they experienced. I guess I just feel stuck, because I am cautious to trust any of my new ideas, so I can't move forward. I'm stable, meds are helping and I'm okay, doing therapy, all that good stuff... I just want to be able to move forward. Thoughts?

Hi, Elisabeth256, and welcome to Psych Central! On some level I worry that all of a sudden I will become manic and lose control. But I am seeing a therapist and taking meds that currently have me stable.

I say go for your plans. Don't worry about mania. You might not have any for a good while. I haven't had any in years! Okay?

I suggest you talk to your therapist about these feelings and get support there, too, to help you move forward. And we will be with you, too.

And don't worry about doing a lot of apologizing to your friends unless you did something really bad to them. If they are your friends, then they know all that was just part of your illness, and you couldn't help it.

I think you should work with your therapist with this but I say do it. Why would we let this disorder take everything from us.You have to go for your dreams, no matter what the challenge.

If we don't do what we want to do, the world could be missing out. I know so many professionals who live with BP. They have to be very diligent in managing their symptoms but do just fine.

Also, if your friends are truly that, they understand what's going on
If you truly have a need to apologize, do it for the right reasons.

Elisabeth, this describes my experience almost exactly. I have just come through my third manic episode and have lost a lot of confidence. Confidence to trust my judgment, my feelings, decisions... my reality! But I have hope, and hope for you too. With each step we build resilience, with each episode there are more insights into the illness learned. I would encourage you to pursue your dreams and embrace the life that you have inherited in all its un-plannedness. Bipolar is never something we choose- yet it is something we can respond to. I am still mustering the courage to re-embrace the life I had before my last episode. Like you, there are regrets over things I have lost. But even more so, I am grateful for what remains. All the best, from one who knows.

Dx: Bipolar I

GREAT ADVICE EVERYONE! How do I add anything to perfection? But because I must, I would expand upon what some of you have already said about staying on medications and therapy. I've found that it's important to have a support group in place: that's to say trusted individuals who can act as a safety net when I fall (into an episode).

Whenever I've degenerated into mania or manic-psychosis, I'm the last person on the planet who suspects anything is wrong. And in the past, my episodes were allowed to run unaddressed until they burned out naturally. Trouble is with that, as you all know so well, is that there's a wake of damage, harm, and sometimes injury to others. Then comes the familiar task of cleaning up the wreckage - which can never be fully resolved. Find people who you can educate as to the symptoms and warning sighs of mania/manic-psychosis, and give them a plan of action whereby you can get the help you need before the full destructive force of the on-coming storm strikes.

And definitely stick to you medications, and where available, therapy. Otherwise - pursue your dreams. If you take away a person's dreams then you rob them of their reason to live life to the fullest.
Trusting your intuition is not nearly as important as believing in yourself.

GO FOR IT! If you've read Kay Redfield Jamison's "Touched with Fire," you know that many many amazing artists, musicians & explorers had this diagnosis (or symptoms that indicate they probably had manias & depressions). Don't let this diag. hold you down. You may have to take breaks during school to deal with your various mental situations but you can achieve! Travel is a joy. My husband (who has no brain disorders) & I (with bipolar, seizures & OCD) have gone to Iceland, Germany, all over Scotland. I traveled to London & Kenya before I met him. Go for it!!

It's nice to know I'm not alone in this. Thanks for your response HoneyBack. Are you trying to go back to your old job/career? That's been a huge challenge for me. I've been able to find jobs, but have no idea what to do about my career right now. It feels like I lost myself in that experience, and even though I know what my strengths are and I know I can move forward, I get stuck in the transition. I can't seem to get a full time job, and I've lost my passion for most of the things that were important to me before my episode. Even yoga, which is something I teach now. I just associate it with my old life, which was only less than a year ago. I think believing in yourself is important, but getting to know yourself all over again, and finding new passions or digging up old ones that haven't been explored seems to make the most sense for me. I know it's hard. I really do. May you feel peace today and be encouraged

Hi Elisabeth, thanks for the response. I haven't gone back to my old job as I also have a family, and I don't have the energy for both. I can't balance them both anymore... I grieve my job greatly but this is where bipolar has landed me now. I hope you find renewed hope and direction! Peace to you today too.

I've read all of Kay Redfield Jamison's books (just so I could learn what the non-bipolar public think of us). I'm not going to say anything about Kay Redfield Jamison's parade of lucrative books, except that by not saying anything at all - I've said it all. For an expert evaluation of those ******** ask your pdoc.

I went for my M.S. And I had to take some breaks when as to not jeopardize my grades, but I finished. I am so proud of myself and you will be also.