[cashart10]

I am a christian but I think this would apply to any religion. It's hard to have faith many times, isn't it? It's hard not to feel absolutely condemned when depressed. It's hard to make sense of your faith after an episode. It's hard to discern your beliefs from delusions if you become hyper religious. It's hard not to be angry with God sometimes for giving you a serious, chronic mental illness. It's hard, isn't it?

[nicoleflynn]

I have difficulty with horrific things that happen to babies and children; I understand adult suffering, but not......babies; I read where an infant was raped and killed; that is SO disturbing. hugs to you!

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I have difficulty with horrific things that happen to babies and children; I understand adult suffering, but not......babies; I read where an infant was raped and killed; that is SO disturbing. hugs to you!

This is very true...and the story is horrific. I think it is hard to understand suffering at all. And yes, sometimes the things that happen to babies and children are horrific. It's just impossible to rationalize.

Edited to add: nicoleflynn, your post helps put things into perspective. My depression has me so negative and self centered. But, I think the topic of religion and mental illness is an interesting on.

[thickntired]

I go between extremes with religion. On suicide attempt I had bible and cross in hand sure I'd burn in hell. All the years I self medicated with drugs the "good" kids treated me like a leper at Catholic School. I went thru a 4 year phase of no sex, drugs, alcohol even cigarettes and church all the time. I went to and taught Sunday school. I bought and highlighted several bibles, study bibles and daily devotionals. My house was covered with crosses and antique Catholic relics (I'm not Catholic). It probably wouldn't have mattered if I wasn't celibate because if a date came over they'd be walking into what looked like a cloistered nun's home. I joined a church a while back, and the welcome Wagon quit sitting with me and went back to their clique. It was awful. Like the high school cafeteria so I quit. Then on a manic spree I sent a hateful FB message to the freaking pastor??!! Yeah, good times. After AA pushed a lot of what I interpreted as religious support I thought about Christianity. I'm a Christian that doesn't believe in organized or for profit religion. I don't believe Christianity is the only path, and for me I can find valuable insight studying other religions. Really the message is basically the same, to love one another.

[thickntired]

Oh, I used to think it was all wrong if I didn't go to church like praying anywhere else didn't count. Then I read a quote by I think the Dali Lama " going to church makes you religious as much as standing in your garage makes you a car."

[lilypup]

I was raised in the Protestant church. It was always a positive influence in my life. My kids were raised and baptized in the church. My husband and I were active but not to any wild extent.
Fast forward to a severe, severe depression. I was huddled in the closet and I felt like just one small push over and I would die. Not a sui thing, just so depressed I felt death was very near....the low point of my life. So I remembering asking God or Jesus or anyone up there for a sign or something. Just some encouragement. And absolutely nothing came.
So when I eventually got better, I decided I had no interest in church. And I didn't attend for ten years.
Recently, though, I got the urge to go to church again. Not through any big interest in God, but more of an interest in meeting people. The first Sunday the pastor mentioned that the church was open and welcoming to all... and I could tell he meant it. The people were friendly but not in your face. So I've been slowly going and getting involved on the edges. We've been taking food and donations in when the church collects things. I got on the prayer chain. (I figure even if I'm not the most religious, my prayers can't hurt.) I haven't gotten close to any specific people but I like the Sunday service. The church has a big glass window and I can look out and see the beautiful desert during the sermon. And I like the music.
I'm not so worried about whether I believe or not. For me, right now this church is meeting my needs. I think I could approach the pastor if I decide to disclose my illness to him. I feel good about helping and giving back where I can. And if I get depressed or manic, I can just drop off the radar if I like.
So I'm on both sides of the religious debate. Sometimes, good but can be bad.
I agree with the above poster that the idea is just to be good to others and help as you are able.

i am a spiritual person and belong to an organised religion
i believe in the things my religion teaches and i do have faith... however i find it hard to connect. with my congregation, during personal study and even in prayer. i feel like im outside looking in and i want very much to feel it again.
i dont have issues of blame or feeling like god doesnt care. also my congregation has been really supportive during my ups and downs, not just for me but for my whole family.
its me. im not 3 dimentional in my spirituality right now and i also dont want to just go through the motions. i want to want it but most of the time it just seems so overwhelming.
they say fake it till you make it and thats what im trying to do but its hard.

[pawn78]

I was a Christian for years, and had really bad delusions about it, finally I realized that it was ALL delusion and the bible is just a book of magical myths.
I dropped my faith 100% and have never felt better. I also dropped all my delusional thinking along with my faith in an imaginary friend. I haven't had any delusions since I became a rational naturalistic atheist.

I am happier than ever in my life without faith, I highly recommend it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was just recently treated unfairly for my illness and faith. Sure, this lady battled depression, cutting and suicide attempts. And yes she is way better now and her faith is strong. But...she is zealous. She lectured me and berated me for my struggles. Because I still battle my demons and have episodes...she basically tells me its because I don't have strong enough faith. It hurt. A lot. This is the same girl who I have been in the same place RIGHT close by one another and she completely ignored me! I asked to follow her on Instagram last night and she denied it.

Ive been ditched. Because I have a disorder(s) and my faith is apparently not strong enough.

[BipolaRNurse]

Her loss, Halliebeth.

I think most of us who are religious/spiritual realize that we can't pray away bipolar disorder. I know I tried, but God would not "let this cup pass from me". Instead, I believe I'm supposed to use it to help other people who suffer. Maybe that in itself is delusional.....sometimes it's hard to tell where faith ends and delusions begin. But as long as it makes me feel better, what harm does it do?

[wiretwister]

remember religion is how you relate to people, spirituality is how you relate to god, common sense is how you should relate to yourself....be good to yourself do not punish yourself for being human...

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I was just recently treated unfairly for my illness and faith. Sure, this lady battled depression, cutting and suicide attempts. And yes she is way better now and her faith is strong. But...she is zealous. She lectured me and berated me for my struggles. Because I still battle my demons and have episodes...she basically tells me its because I don't have strong enough faith. It hurt. A lot. This is the same girl who I have been in the same place RIGHT close by one another and she completely ignored me! I asked to follow her on Instagram last night and she denied it.



Ive been ditched. Because I have a disorder(s) and my faith is apparently not strong enough.

What a b1t€h! You don't need arrogant tyrants like that for friends.

[Hobbit House]

helloooooo I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic school, was an alter boy, so I know all about guilt, doubt, blame, ect. It's very difficult to have faith when you think everything around you is falling apart.
I am a Buddhist now so I may not be the proper person to give you advice on matters of Christian faith. I don't believe anything that I can not rationalize. Buddhism does not require that you have blind faith but requires you to come to your own conclusions. Most everyone on this site is messed up in some way or another. I am a Bipolar 1 with ptsd and severe anxiety thrown in just for fun. My wife who posts during the day is schitzoaffective.
We are all human beings yet we can be capable of such different emotional responses to the same stimuli.Believe me when I say you are not alone. Everyone has different way of dealing with lifes little hicchups.
Be a Christian if that is what calls you, I say be a person of faith for as long as you can.
I'm not sure if anything I say will strike a chord with you, but Hope is free.
So take heart, be at peace. I hope you find the answer
Be well
Mike

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Anonymous46777

i am a spiritual person and belong to an organised religion
i believe in the things my religion teaches and i do have faith... however i find it hard to connect. with my congregation, during personal study and even in prayer. i feel like im outside looking in and i want very much to feel it again.
i dont have issues of blame or feeling like god doesnt care. also my congregation has been really supportive during my ups and downs, not just for me but for my whole family.
its me. im not 3 dimentional in my spirituality right now and i also dont want to just go through the motions. i want to want it but most of the time it just seems so overwhelming.
they say fake it till you make it and thats what im trying to do but its hard.

I completely understand what you are saying here. I "feel it" to the extreme while manic and it is very hard to feel connected once I've lived through that.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by pawn78

I was a Christian for years, and had really bad delusions about it, finally I realized that it was ALL delusion and the bible is just a book of magical myths.
I dropped my faith 100% and have never felt better. I also dropped all my delusional thinking along with my faith in an imaginary friend. I haven't had any delusions since I became a rational naturalistic atheist.

I am happier than ever in my life without faith, I highly recommend it.

I read your story. Walking away from the faith seems like a hard decision. I'm glad you are happy now! You are full of confidence, btw. I like that about you.

[cashart10]

Personally, it was psychosis that nearly ended my faith and still has a tight grip on it. I am afraid that practicing my faith and building a relationship will cause a repeat of the most traumatic episode I've ever had. I want my faith back so badly but it is hard to let go when I know my complete sanity is at risk. I am also still angry about the disorder. That I will get over but it is a work in progress.

[JourneyUpward]

I am a Christian also and although I go to church, the "organized religion" part of it has no appeal to me. I go to hear the sermon, to worship with others, and to help in the nursery, to serve/help in quiet ways when I can. But inside, I feel awkward, disconnected and feel like an outsider. It's hard to talk with anyone for any length of time. But my church is loving and embraces people with all types of issues. I have faith in God, but at times I feel like He doesn't hear my prayers. I go through droughts where it is very difficult for me to read my Bible, if I read it at all. And prayers become barely a couple of sentences. And then I question if I was delusional -- perhaps I didn't believe for real at all. But what I do know is what God has done for me, for my husband and especially my children in the face of overwhelming, sometimes life threatening obstacles, He answered my prayers - in ways that didn't make sense according to science, or the normal circumstances of life. So I hold on to that so I don't lose faith. Bipolar thinking would rob me of that last part of me that gives me hope, the last thing that keeps me centered and a decent person. I won't let it rob me of my core.

[LastQuestion]

Christian theology led my adolescent mind to a great deal of emotional turmoil and pain. It was unhealthy and promoted a chaos of thought - one might say I had an allergy to it. I was continually referencing my perceived world to an external influence rather than being introspective on a practical level.

Failing to cope led to sins that must be repented of rather than simply mistakes to be learned from. It provided emotional stressors that I needed to cope with on top of intense emotional instability, social isolation, suicidal ideation, hypersexalization, psychotic thoughts of harming others that frightened me... I would pray during the anguish and despair of my most intense depressions for blurred amounts of time and then, sometimes, I would suddenly feel better, relieved of the pain and torment - God loves me, I am redeemed! - and then I would crash about twenty minutes later with the depressing realization that it was mania, it was false hope, it was a delusion that ever served to haunt my every failure to cope in accordance to the laws of God.

My ability to cope was continually compromised because that system of belief increased stress, thereby increasing stress hormones which adversely affect the brain's chemical balance which further inflamed the ongoing trauma.

Where others felt spirit I would feel nothing, numb, or guilt, shame, despair, and self-hate for not having control over my spiritual welfare. I was ten when this began, thinking that the answer must be faith because that's what works for everyone else around me.

Only when the concept of a higher power became null in my mind did the world start to make sense. Even this hasn't been enough to find peace, but at least I know what I must focus on in order to cope: myself in relation to my environment.

For many individuals theology is an effective coping mechanism, but for myself it was salt on an open wound that I nor any I have yet met know how to effectively treat. Even so, I have made rapid progress after my change in worldview.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I read your story. Walking away from the faith seems like a hard decision. I'm glad you are happy now! You are full of confidence, btw. I like that about you.

Thanks! Confidence is my god. lol

Of course, according to the bible I will burn in hell forever... But I am extremely CONFIDENT that "hell" is just a man-made concept developed to exert extreme mind-control over the masses.
But don't mind me people, I am just very anti-religion after all I have been through.