[Skitz13]

I've had 9 suicide attempts, 2 near fatal. All I could ever think about was escaping the pain and making myself believe that everyone would be better off without me.

My last attempt was 3 years ago. My daughters are grown but they just couldn't understand why I felt that they weren't living for. That changed my way of thinking and went full steam ahead in trying to get better.

I still have challenges with sui ideation but I don't think I'll ever do it again.

I got a call yesterday from an old friend, her brother had passed away. He committed suicide...

I'm seeing first hand what suicide does to the people who love them. he has 3 kids. 24 - 14 and a wife. They are all devastated. It's the most heartbreaking thing to watch. It really is different than a "normal" death.

This has been a HUGE trigger for me. Can't stop crying because I see what I would have done to my family. I'm filled with such regret and remorse for ever putting my family through what I did.

Today, I will talk to every family member that I've hurt and apologize for the way I've acted in the past.

Just wanted to pass this on to anyone who is suicidal. Don't fool yourself into thinking people will be better off without you. All you are doing is giving them a burden they'll have to live the rest of their life with. As your suffering ends, their's are just beginning.

I KNOW I will never do this to my kids again. I wish you all could experience such a profound experience.

[Hobbit House]

I have had people I know commit suicide, I have attempted 3 times to kill myself all 3 serious attempts. It does something to the survivors. Everyone who lives through their spouse , son or daughter, family friend or just acquaintance committing suicide are never the same. It's like a cloud that never lifts hovering around their soul. It's like there can be no closure. I hope you have someone you can discuss this with to help you work through it.

[Victoria'smom]

I've been through several funrals of suicide victims. I personally feel it's the same as most sudden deaths. I have been suicidal but have only actually been in serious harms way once. My husband on the other hand had countless attempts as a child and one as an adult.

The last funeral of sui I went to my father in law took me aside and told me he couldn't loses anyone else this way and begged/thanked me to do everything I can to take care of myself and his son. That is the one and only time he has every mentioned that he knows those thoughts are there for us.

[lilypup]

I had a T tell me once that if I hurt myself, my kids would NEVER get over it. That cured me fast.
Am glad you had a similar experience.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by lilypup

I had a T tell me once that if I hurt myself, my kids would NEVER get over it. That cured me fast.
Am glad you had a similar experience.

How could any child get over something like that. I just shake my head in disbelief. I'm not someone who doesn't understand. I do get it. I just never got the whole picture.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had the same experience about a year ago. Someone in the group I was in who I had become close to had his son commit suicide. Seeing how it completely wrecked him showed me that I could never ever do that to my family no matter how many lies bipolar throws at me telling me they'll be better off. I'll always seek help before I do anything drastic.

[BipolaRNurse]

This is some pretty powerful stuff.

There have been times in my life when I was certain my family would be better off without me. I also tend to think I'll want to make my exit from this world when my husband's cancer finally overwhelms him. Then I think about how awful it would be for our grown kids and our grandchildren to lose both of us at the same time.....no, that's not fair to anybody. And frankly, I know they'd never forgive me and they'd be angry with me for the rest of THEIR lives.

I hope I can remember this the next time I crash and burn. Thanks to Skitz13 for starting this thread.

Originally Posted by Skitz13

I've had 9 suicide attempts, 2 near fatal. All I could ever think about was escaping the pain and making myself believe that everyone would be better off without me.

My last attempt was 3 years ago. My daughters are grown but they just couldn't understand why I felt that they weren't living for. That changed my way of thinking and went full steam ahead in trying to get better.

I still have challenges with sui ideation but I don't think I'll ever do it again.

I got a call yesterday from an old friend, her brother had passed away. He committed suicide...

I'm seeing first hand what suicide does to the people who love them. he has 3 kids. 24 - 14 and a wife. They are all devastated. It's the most heartbreaking thing to watch. It really is different than a "normal" death.

This has been a HUGE trigger for me. Can't stop crying because I see what I would have done to my family. I'm filled with such regret and remorse for ever putting my family through what I did.

Today, I will talk to every family member that I've hurt and apologize for the way I've acted in the past.

Just wanted to pass this on to anyone who is suicidal. Don't fool yourself into thinking people will be better off without you. All you are doing is giving them a burden they'll have to live the rest of their life with. As your suffering ends, their's are just beginning.

I KNOW I will never do this to my kids again. I wish you all could experience such a profound experience.

I'm really sad you had to go through all that, but glad you were able to get something positive out of it.

Ending your life is not the answer (it is for some people).

I tried 2 months ago. I wish I had succeeded. But that's just me.

my mother committed suicide
i have made several attempts myself with varying degrees of sucess

when robin williams died there was a whole discussion i was part of about whether or not suicide is a selfish act. while we all agreed that it is often an act of desperation i was one of the few who thought it to be selfish. not in the hahaha i win kind of selfish way but in the not having regard for those around you or the empathy to understand what youd be doing to them.
saying that, as i mentioned ive also had attempts. sometimes you cant stand up for the greater good and you have to do what you think is best for yourself.
but having lost my mother to her own hand i will NEVER think that suicide doesnt cause severe trauma to the survivors.

Originally Posted by Anonymous46777

my mother committed suicide
i have made several attempts myself with varying degrees of sucess

when robin williams died there was a whole discussion i was part of about whether or not suicide is a selfish act. while we all agreed that it is often an act of desperation i was one of the few who thought it to be selfish. not in the hahaha i win kind of selfish way but in the not having regard for those around you or the empathy to understand what youd be doing to them.
saying that, as i mentioned ive also had attempts. sometimes you cant stand up for the greater good and you have to do what you think is best for yourself.
but having lost my mother to her own hand i will NEVER think that suicide doesnt cause severe trauma to the survivors.

Ok, but let me ask you this - is it not selfish for your parents (if they are the ones you would leave behind) to expect you to stick around and suffer just so that they don't have to suffer ?

It's either you or them, isn't it ? It's a lose-lose situation. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Others, sorry, I'm not trying to advocate the 's' word here, I'm just trying to point out that sticking around isn't exactly the secret to everyone's happiness.

Suicide is bad. I lost a couple of friends through the years from it, but never a parent. However, I feel that the folks who say it's selfish are in reality the ones who are being selfish. They don't know the misery, pain, turmoil, and suffering our bp minds go through.

Next time I consider it, I absolutely will not disclose it to anyone. Why? Because, is my life better than the last time that I got very close? Hell no it's not. In fact it's worse.

So, my next time, I will succeed.

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

Others, sorry, I'm not trying to advocate the 's' word here, I'm just trying to point out that sticking around isn't exactly the secret to everyone's happiness.

in my original post i say that sometimes you cant do whats best for everyone else (the greater good) and that sometimes you have to do whats best for yourself

but it always leaves a wake. there will always be heartbreak after the fact.
A WHOLE LOT of peple have issues with the semantics of the word selfish. and i understand that. people fill in words with positive or negative connotations and rarely look at a word by definition only.
so let me rephrase
suicide is never a SELFLESS act, even if your mind is telling you that it is.
just my 2 cents from both sides of the coin.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Anonymous46777

my mother committed suicide
i have made several attempts myself with varying degrees of sucess

when robin williams died there was a whole discussion i was part of about whether or not suicide is a selfish act. while we all agreed that it is often an act of desperation i was one of the few who thought it to be selfish. not in the hahaha i win kind of selfish way but in the not having regard for those around you or the empathy to understand what youd be doing to them.
saying that, as i mentioned ive also had attempts. sometimes you cant stand up for the greater good and you have to do what you think is best for yourself.
but having lost my mother to her own hand i will NEVER think that suicide doesnt cause severe trauma to the survivors.

'm so sorry you had to go through the suicide of your Mother. I truly am sorry. Ya suicide can be a selfish act I guess but not in the logical way. I don't think anyone can be in their right mind to commit suicide.
This thread is just food for thought. I see so many posts with people being so desperate, me included that they don't get past the point of thinking ahead or knowing what an impact it would make on their loved ones lives.

I was just throwing this out there.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

Suicide is bad. I lost a couple of friends through the years from it, but never a parent. However, I feel that the folks who say it's selfish are in reality the ones who are being selfish. They don't know the misery, pain, turmoil, and suffering our bp minds go through.

Next time I consider it, I absolutely will not disclose it to anyone. Why? Because, is my life better than the last time that I got very close? Hell no it's not. In fact it's worse.

So, my next time, I will succeed.

I'm really sorry you're hurting so bad. I was hoping this thread would maybe have people really look at their choices and the effects left behind.

I've been just as suicidal as the next person. Yes, this illness creates total destruction if you let it, but it doesn't have to be terminal.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

This is some pretty powerful stuff.

There have been times in my life when I was certain my family would be better off without me. I also tend to think I'll want to make my exit from this world when my husband's cancer finally overwhelms him. Then I think about how awful it would be for our grown kids and our grandchildren to lose both of us at the same time.....no, that's not fair to anybody. And frankly, I know they'd never forgive me and they'd be angry with me for the rest of THEIR lives.

I hope I can remember this the next time I crash and burn. Thanks to Skitz13 for starting this thread.

Next time you crash and burn, PM me, I'll remind you

[BipolaRNurse]

I'll do that. :-)