All of a sudden, I am hoping that I have a stroke tonight. Why am I so crazy?

This is anyone, bipolar or not. As most ladies know, guys hate talking about feelings, heck I can't honestly tell you mine because I don't know them most of the time. And therapy, what guy ever dreams of having therapy? I mean we all saw the Geico commercial with Gunny throwing the box of Kleenex's at his client.

So I'm wondering, is it better for us to be in treatment or not. I ask this becausenI haven't seen near the quick improvement I had hoped for. I just feel better doing it because I am being compliant, and I'm aware now of how bad and how far this could go.

Did I make any sense?

I've never really felt lonely before. I guess because my keyed up mania streaks far outlasted my depressive streaks until starting treatment. It's beginning to make me angry at myself. How do I stop it before it makes me start thinking in bad ways?

[Crazy Hitch]

Firstly. You're not crazy. You're transitioning through an episode.

Your thoughts are simply congruent with your current mood.

Do you really think it could just be guys who would find it difficult to express their feelings in a therapeutic situation? Last time I checked I was female (erm) and I can have a hard time sometimes expressing how I really feel. Sometimes I don't quite know what's causing it.

Forget about quick improvement. Nope. Ain't going to happen. This is a lifelong situation and sometimes we will be well and sometimes we will not be well and will require more support.

You keep being compliant with your meds. You keep seeing your pdoc and your T. Especially now. You're not in a good place right now and your support team are there to help you.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

I'm still trying to determine what an episode is. I've read about them, but I'm literally trying to determine in my own head when, what, why, and how.

And does anyone ever get angered and it's instantly like an adrenaline overload. What if it happens and you actually start shaking/trembling?

It's funny how several of my threads got combined into one. I have to type to myself just like I have to talk to myself because I have no human interaction. Life is so grand, I hope to live until I'm 250.

That's just another thing that confuses me so much. According to here, I always seem to be in a bad place.
When I treated myself off and on through my years, I was better mentally. I worked, I functioned, I was alive, albeit maybe not the highest social being in the world because being hi faluting socially takes greenbacks which are better spent on living expenses to me, as I've always been a low income earner.

The only positive I've seen out of treatment thus far, is I haven't done any self harm. That could probably change in an instant.

I don't know what my point is. I guess my situation/environment is not helping me any.

[Victoria'smom]

Sorry, I just got on. I don't think your treatment team is listening and that can be very bad. My first pdoc had me in a mixed state for 2 years. Depakote made me feel like I was stuck inside myself without the ability to voice what was going on. I looked fine. So I have a hatred for depakote to begin with.

I'm horrible at knowing when I'm cycling. I rely on here, my family and my therapist. However it's the way I view BP that prevents me from seeing it.

How to stop it. Call pdoc it'll take a while but calling before an emergency is better then during, start a sleep/eat schedule, eat decently, depression makes us go to comfortable food, get outside ( even if you just sit and read outside that's enough). Keep yourself distracted and when your thoughts start going write them down to get them out of your head. That way they're not sitting there spinning. Show that to your therapist.

And does anyone ever get angered and it's instantly like an adrenaline overload. What if it happens and you actually start shaking/trembling? yes I call it feeling like there's caffeine through my veins.

I have taken notes to therapist. He ignores me and goes into talking. Mixed state? I don't know, however therapist said a month ago he thought I was stuck. Perhaps mixed?

They only want doc. seeeing me once every 6 months since I'm uninsured.

I hate f'in Georgia. Stats show this backwoods craphole spends next to nothing on mental ill per capita. That's why it has so many prisons, and the jails have increased exponentially in size and quantity with all of the metro Atlanta growth in last 30 years. But god forbid help the mental ill with decent centers for help.

A better explanation would be this. The healthcare system is still too bloated and confusing. Bouncing between a therapist, nurse, and dr. once in a blue moon, is way too complicated. I don't know what to say to who or when to say it.

It's a complicated, red tape, utter disaster and it is still designed as a big profit and no results system. Example... Dr. gives me a pill in office to lower blood pressure rapidly. Guess what, it didn't. Shows how much she really knows, huh.

It was a better system when I was at my first job in 1988. Better, cheaper, and more streamlined. All the political trash on tv about it is utter lies.

Oh yeah, the only emergency help here is jail.

[~Christina]

Hey Friend

When you first came to PC. You were angry ,pissed off , confused and felt lost. We have all been there and are often on the edge of an episode.

I honestly think your in a mixed episode and have been there since I met you on here , You can be mad , hateful and sad, depressed all at the same time. It's sucks beyond belief. Hell on earth.

I do think you have slipped through the cracks of mental health care in America. I doubt it will every be fixed ... but... You can advocate and advocate for yourself. Remember the squeeky wheel gets the oil.

You do have a right to request a different Pdoc , if there isn't one where you are going you can be sent to another facility /office.

I really wish you would push your GP to find what med is going to lower your BP , Just the constant increase in blood pressure is making Bipolar worse, yes it is. increase blood pressure keeps your adrenalin pumping.

I know all you want to do is feel good enough to have a job and a purpose, You can have that. You just need to keep pushing to get the best treatment that is going to be the best for you.

Sorry for getting onery. As Elvis used to say, "Thank you, thank you very much."

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

I'm still trying to determine what an episode is. I've read about them, but I'm literally trying to determine in my own head when, what, why, and how.

And does anyone ever get angered and it's instantly like an adrenaline overload. What if it happens and you actually start shaking/trembling?

Ask your pdoc what episode they think you might be in, explaining your current symptoms, and take your research from there. Be as educated as possible. Learn about the symptoms of hypomania, a precursor to mania. You may be able to pick up on some subtle changes within yourself that may indicate you're heading into an episode before it becomes full blown.

Oh yeah if I'm in a mixed state or manic I can go from 1-10 full blown anger in a matter of seconds.