Had Cat Put Down in Manic Spell... Regret for the Rest of My Life

I go through phases where I'm fine, I say, "Meh, oh well, I did bad things in the past when I was manic. Nothing I can do about it now but move forward." But now here I am today remembering back two years ago to the day I had my favorite cat in the world put down and I've been crying all day at my desk at work. I think I have a little winter depression going on.

But looking back, he was very sick for a long time and probably would have died within a few days. But he was comfortable at home. The whole thing had me so upset for months, watching him wither away. Then one day I came home from work and I got into an absolute panic. He couldn't walk, he was a mess. I was so upset and got all worked up into a manic fit. I dragged the cat from under the couch, shoved him in a cage, and took him to the vet and had him put down. He was so scared. Why didn't I just let him die at home in peace?? I will regret this for the rest of my life and I don't know how to get over it.

It's not cruel to euthanize an animal that is suffering. It is an act of mercy. Give yourself a break. You made the right decision.

He couldn't walk. He was suffering. What you did was appropriate.

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When an animal has become so ill that life becomes a burden, the kindest thing we can do for them is to let them go. You absolutely did the right thing. It was an act of love and mercy, even if you were manic at the time. I think that is what you regret the most, the fact that you were in a mood episode when you made that decision. Please be gentle with yourself.....I'm sure your kitty understood in his own way and was happy to be released from pain and suffering. (((HUGS)))

Manic state or not, you really did the kindest thing possible.

Your beloved cat would have gone through severe suffering at home had you let her be.

That's no way to live the last few days of your life, in physical torture.

Don't beat yourself up about this. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Honestly, if something was that wrong with one of my fury friends, I would not allow them the suffering.

Bipolarartist, I think what's bothering you is the way it happened, rather than the fact it happened. As everyone above has noted, it was an act of mercy. It happened during a manic phase. But remember it was NOT your fault you were manic at the time. It's not our fault we have bipolar. Be gentle with yourself.

My mom is a vet, and I've learned from her how horrible it is to make an animal suffer. We had a poodle that lived from when I was 4 until when I was 17. I absolutely adored that dog. we put her down in our house, and I held her while she died. I'll always remember that day. It was hard, but she is in a better place.

You made the right decision; don't beat yourself up. Manic, depressed, stable, whatever...saving your pet from suffering is a good thing to do.

It seems as though you are sad that you frightened your cat instead of letting him be at peace at home. I see this from two angles:

1) yes, he may have been frightened a bit, but you were THERE WITH HIM until his last moment. So, yes, he may have been a little uncertain about where he was at, but he had the comfort of your presence....regardless.

2)dying naturally is a scary process, especially for an animal who doesn't understand. He most certainly would have become scared, even at home, had things progressed in the house.

What you did may have been impulsive, but it was kind. We respond instinctively sometimes to situations. Perhaps you were just following your gut. You most certainly prevented your beloved friend from suffering any further.

It's time to let yourself off the hook. Give yourself a hug and say "I did the best thing I could for my friend."

it is a shame that your memories are of this event. Perhaps you could focus on some of the positive moments you had with your cat. Obviously there had to be many if he was your favorite. Being mindful of the good times may help. Beating yourself up is not helping you or your memories.

I was in tears while reading your post-8 years ago my beloved dog of almost 16 years apparently had a severe stroke & was unable to walk as well-in my case I let my ex-husband talk me into immediately taking him to be put down-it was hands down the hardest thing I had ever done & my dog was so scared. I felt guilt about this for so long-that maybe it was a hasty decision & he might have gotten better. A long time passed before I could cut myself some slack & realize I did what undoubtedly had to be done-it may take you some time still to come to terms with it. My heart goes out to you & I truly believe you did what was best for your kitty & I hope you can focus on the many happy memories that you have of the two of you together.

Hey there... I feel exactly the same feelings you feel, but the situation was the exact opposite.

It is too hard to go back and relive the memories... J. died in 2006 and I regret NOT taking him to the vet to be put down. He hid and died in hiding, alone, in the space under the house. Sick, dying animals often do that - they go in hiding and die there.

I would much rather have been with him all the while. The thought of his dying alone - and he was a traumatized cat, both physically (leg fracture) and emotionally (he needed diapers - I do not know what happened to him when he was with prior owners) - is one of the darkest "avenues" that I try not to walk in my own mind.

See - there is no good way. Either way you end up sad and consumed by deep regret. I would have much rather been able to pull J. out of his hiding place under the house (when we approached the place, he would creep further away, deeper, and my now ex H found him dead eventually); I would have much rather he get instantly frightened but then safe realizing that it was me and that with me relief would come to him.

No good way. Please have compassion for yourself. Some of the compassion you feel for the kitty who went can be refocused on you. You are also a sick animal, after all.

This is a very hard thread to read but necessary. How you took immediate action is excellent especially considering being manic. At some point, I will have to put my kitty cat down as well and have my carrier and choice of hospital ready. I'm relieved that there is at least a humane option for animals.

Dying at home does not equal dying pain free. Yes the trip to the hospital is stressful and I understand that guilt. But what were you suppose to do? You made the best and responsible decision.

I've seen the procedure done now three times in person. There is no suffering once the injection begins and the needle itself is small so they would only feel a prick if anything. Literally you cat falls asleep with 5 or 10 seconds and does not feel a thing at all. It's also important that you accompanied your cat to the hospital as he would have sensed your presence and scent, even in a semi-conscious state.

I feel for you. I did the opposite - I couldn't face having my beloved cat put down when she had cancer. I couldn't bear it. She ended up with a tumour as hard as a rock and the size of my fist and it finally burst open in a pool of blood. It happened when I wasn't home, and husband took her to the vet where she died. So you see, with pets, it's very rare that they die peacefully in their sleep. Whatever you do, the end is often horrible.

So I guess the point is to not beat yourself up about what happened, BP Artist and Turtlesoup. You did what you thought was the best at the time, and in the end that is all we can ever do - try to do the best in whatever situation we are in. That's hard enough when death isn't involved and ten times more difficult when it is and you have all your emotions and panic and mental illness on top of all that.

Hugs,

Darvula

I want to say thank you all sooooo much for these replies. I had a terribly sad day yesterday and a horribly sad night a few nights ago. Well, mixed. Physically kind of up but mentally obsessing about that awful day almost 2 years ago. These comments have made me feel so much better. Only one person said to me, "Oh, I have never and will never do that." Even if I might choose the other route next time, letting pets die at home, after it's done, isn't it awful someone would harshly express that opinion?!

I'm also struggling a bit with enjoying my 2 cats in the present. I didn't get them until after my last cat died. I sometimes look at them and try to imagine what it might be like when they day. It's just so sad. I'm mixed with a little rapid cycling. It's kind of awful. I'm going to take half a zyprexa.

Thanks again, everyone, honestly it means a lot to me.

In my personal opinion, when an animal "needs to be put down" it is for the animal, not the animals owner. I have had the experience more than once, and it's never easy. I made a BIG mistake with one. I wanted to enjoy, as best as possible, the last several days, while at the same time my dog was not having any real peace, enjoyment, free of pain perhaps, and seriously needed to be put down. It was a weekend, and then Monday a holiday, and the vet would be closed. I had to shot my dog in the head, more than once, and it does not get any worse then that. Never wait too late and be selfish by not given your pet the needed peace they deserve. The dog may have died with the first shot, but all it took was a twitch to make me shot fast and wildly hoping it would be over sooner. Broke my heart and I cried right there.