[VeggieGirl1993]

Hi everyone,

i have just signed up as i want to gain insight into bipolar disorder while i am waiting for an assessment/diagnosis. My GP thinks i am bipolar but i dont know if i agree. I experienced about a month of pure happiness (despite being on anti depressants) and elation, i wanted to speak to everyone and anyone, i laughed all the time, constantly made jokes, wanting to start up exercising and eating healthy and felt motivated, while also going on loads of dates (unlike me!) and being really carefree and telling them too much information about my life. I had amazing self esteem, i felt like i was IT! pretty, confident, clever etc. but i usually have low self esteem so it was strange. I also spent nearly all of my student finance going out and drinking and online shopping leaving nothing left for bills! at the time i didnt care. so as i say this went on for about a month maybe a bit longer. then ive had 2 months of utter depression and suicidal thoughts, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, with a few 'neutral' or 'fine' days in between. but thats it, i havent experienced any more of the 'high' days since, just that 1 or 2 months. I thought people with bipolar generally experienced a lot more mood switching? Or is it different with each person? also to add, in the past 3 weeks i have out of nowhere developed awful anxiety. im constantly worrying and feel nervous and fearful for no reason, and any little noise makes me have a mini panic attack! i closed the door behind me today and it blew a bit of paper and i nearly fell over with fear! i also stepped on a lighter and screamed! what is with that? i cant sleep at night because i worry so much as feel uneasy. so its like ive had 4 different moods, high moods, depression, anxiety and neutral. any one else experience anything like this? and does it sound like bipolar? obviously not expecting any sort of diagnosis just an insight really or any advice. i have been waiting 3 weeks to see someone since being referred. sorry if none of this makes sense my head is a bit muffled!

thanks for reading

[unicornlady]

Hi VeggieGirl,

Of course you shouldn't go by what I say, I am not a doctor or a pdoc. Hopefully you can get in to see a pdoc or other specialist soon.

Some people with bipolar have really fast mood changes ("rapid cycling") but many (including myself) experience long periods of one state or another. For me, this seems to go with the seasons - manic in the winter, depressed in the summer. So a tendency for several weeks to several months would not be uncommon.

Reading your post, I recognized the feelings and actions you're describing. A big red flag for me was that you were on antidepressants when you were feeling extra happy. For bipolar 1 folks, antidepressants can cause mania. When I'm manic, I act pretty much like you were describing - telling people way more than normal, going on more dates, laughing and talking more, planning new projects, spending more money than usual, and having higher self esteem than usual. I have been there with the utter depression and suicidal thoughts. Even the anxiety is something I've experienced, usually connected to one of several possible mood states. One day I was in the grocery store trying to buy food and I couldn't decide on a kind of yogurt to buy, and I got really upset about it and had a panic attack, and then I was so frightened that I left the store without buying anything, and had nothing to eat for a couple of days! I've also had the neutral days. So yes, I've experienced things like this, and it sounds like my bipolar 1 disorder with anxiety.

But my opinion is not truth or diagnosis - seeing a real specialist is important. If you are bipolar, a specialist can put you on medication that's not dangerous for bipolar 1 folks (i.e. hopefully not an antidepressant on its own). This can allow you to live life normally and not be handicapped by depressed days, anxiety, and spending all your money (trust me, I've been there).

Before you get a chance to see someone, I would suggest deep breathing to calm down so you can try to sleep. Also try limiting light exposure for a couple of hours before bed (dim the lights, no TV, phone, computer, other electronic screen light). For me sleep is so important, and it can throw things off if I sleep too much or too little.

Last thing - the head being muffled sensation is familiar to me. For me it goes away eventually if I get enough sleep.

I hope that helps!

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi there veggiegirl

I hope you get the answers that you need by means of a proper diagnosis.

Once you know what you do or don't have you can take it from there.

Wishing you well.

[VeggieGirl1993]

Originally Posted by unicornlady

Hi VeggieGirl,

Of course you shouldn't go by what I say, I am not a doctor or a pdoc. Hopefully you can get in to see a pdoc or other specialist soon.

Some people with bipolar have really fast mood changes ("rapid cycling") but many (including myself) experience long periods of one state or another. For me, this seems to go with the seasons - manic in the winter, depressed in the summer. So a tendency for several weeks to several months would not be uncommon.

Reading your post, I recognized the feelings and actions you're describing. A big red flag for me was that you were on antidepressants when you were feeling extra happy. For bipolar 1 folks, antidepressants can cause mania. When I'm manic, I act pretty much like you were describing - telling people way more than normal, going on more dates, laughing and talking more, planning new projects, spending more money than usual, and having higher self esteem than usual. I have been there with the utter depression and suicidal thoughts. Even the anxiety is something I've experienced, usually connected to one of several possible mood states. One day I was in the grocery store trying to buy food and I couldn't decide on a kind of yogurt to buy, and I got really upset about it and had a panic attack, and then I was so frightened that I left the store without buying anything, and had nothing to eat for a couple of days! I've also had the neutral days. So yes, I've experienced things like this, and it sounds like my bipolar 1 disorder with anxiety.

But my opinion is not truth or diagnosis - seeing a real specialist is important. If you are bipolar, a specialist can put you on medication that's not dangerous for bipolar 1 folks (i.e. hopefully not an antidepressant on its own). This can allow you to live life normally and not be handicapped by depressed days, anxiety, and spending all your money (trust me, I've been there).

Before you get a chance to see someone, I would suggest deep breathing to calm down so you can try to sleep. Also try limiting light exposure for a couple of hours before bed (dim the lights, no TV, phone, computer, other electronic screen light). For me sleep is so important, and it can throw things off if I sleep too much or too little.

Last thing - the head being muffled sensation is familiar to me. For me it goes away eventually if I get enough sleep.

I hope that helps!

Thank you for your comment! After reading it I don't feel like what im going through is 'strange'. I did not expect any one to be able to relate! Which says to me it probably is Bipolar, but I guess I'm just scared of being labelled as many people dont understand it or Mental Health in general so just assume you're crazy or putting it on and can 'snap out of it'. My sister told me the other day after i went through a suicidal phase, that 'everyone is depressed these days' and that 'everyone has down days' and said that she things depression isnt real.... like its some sort of myth! So really thank you for your kind and understanding comment, its made me feel like there really is a community which understands. I'm sorry that you've experienced all of the same things as me though, I would like to know more about your experience if you're willing to share! This is the first time I've ever noticed any drastic mood changes, in the summer when i was depressed then had the extremely happy mood for about 2 months then depression for a few weeks then neutral for a few days and now anxiety has set in. It's like new moods are constantly developing. I've had depression all my life, so that's why i flagged the elated mood as strange because even on good days i dont feel like that!

Hope to speak to you more,
VeggieGirl1993

I also have long episodes according to season. I get manic in the Spring and depressed most of the rest of the year. The high's are great -- you described them well. I'm on my own so the reckless spending can be ruinous -- the good feelings of mania are not worth it.

Hopefully, you will get fixed up on meds and everything will be fine. I still have breakthrough episodes on meds, but some people respond to them better. They help, tho, don't get me wrong. Best of luck! Welcome to the forum!

[sidney1771]

Doesn't quite sound like bipolar to me. Having mood swings from high to low can be an indicator, but also, when you have felt depressed for a while, it feels good, awesome and strange to feel 'normal'. You almost need to give yourself time to acclimate to being normal again and find a comfort zone. It is like taking the training wheels off a bike. I caution about overreacting too soon and trying to 'fix' these swings or diagnose them. That's not to say you should be aware of them and pay attention to them. Every day life has peaks and valleys. Give your mind a chance to reeducate itself before proclamation and treatment of bipolar. Just my two cents.

[VeggieGirl1993]

Originally Posted by sidney1771

Doesn't quite sound like bipolar to me. Having mood swings from high to low can be an indicator, but also, when you have felt depressed for a while, it feels good, awesome and strange to feel 'normal'. You almost need to give yourself time to acclimate to being normal again and find a comfort zone. It is like taking the training wheels off a bike. I caution about overreacting too soon and trying to 'fix' these swings or diagnose them. That's not to say you should be aware of them and pay attention to them. Every day life has peaks and valleys. Give your mind a chance to reeducate itself before proclamation and treatment of bipolar. Just my two cents.

Thanks for your post. The only reason my doctor thinks it could be Bipolar it because, the 'good mood' wasn't normal for me, because i have 'normal' days and i can compare to before i had depression, and i've never experienced anything like it before, it scared me. I am not diagnosing myself, just wanting to understand I will find out once i've been assessed in a few weeks.

[jacky8807]

I believe they no longer count antidepressant induced hypomania as bipolar
Check with your pdoc..but if u go off them and never experience another episode u should be ok. That is according to the diagnostic book for mental disorders

[Turtlesoup]

Welcome veggiegirl-this is a very positive community-hope you will find the support you are looking for.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by VeggieGirl1993

Hi everyone,

i have just signed up as i want to gain insight into bipolar disorder while i am waiting for an assessment/diagnosis. My GP thinks i am bipolar but i dont know if i agree. I experienced about a month of pure happiness (despite being on anti depressants) and elation, i wanted to speak to everyone and anyone, i laughed all the time, constantly made jokes, wanting to start up exercising and eating healthy and felt motivated, while also going on loads of dates (unlike me!) and being really carefree and telling them too much information about my life. I had amazing self esteem, i felt like i was IT! pretty, confident, clever etc. but i usually have low self esteem so it was strange. I also spent nearly all of my student finance going out and drinking and online shopping leaving nothing left for bills! at the time i didnt care. so as i say this went on for about a month maybe a bit longer. then ive had 2 months of utter depression and suicidal thoughts, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, with a few 'neutral' or 'fine' days in between. but thats it, i havent experienced any more of the 'high' days since, just that 1 or 2 months. I thought people with bipolar generally experienced a lot more mood switching? Or is it different with each person? also to add, in the past 3 weeks i have out of nowhere developed awful anxiety. im constantly worrying and feel nervous and fearful for no reason, and any little noise makes me have a mini panic attack! i closed the door behind me today and it blew a bit of paper and i nearly fell over with fear! i also stepped on a lighter and screamed! what is with that? i cant sleep at night because i worry so much as feel uneasy. so its like ive had 4 different moods, high moods, depression, anxiety and neutral. any one else experience anything like this? and does it sound like bipolar? obviously not expecting any sort of diagnosis just an insight really or any advice. i have been waiting 3 weeks to see someone since being referred. sorry if none of this makes sense my head is a bit muffled!

thanks for reading

Hello and welcome to the forums! It's a great place here. I've only been here for a few days, but I like it already.

It sounds like it could be bipolar to me. That happiness phase sounds like mania to me. That's common with bipolar, but the intensity of it can vary. I think so because you were spending a lot and really care free when that's not a normal thing for you. I saw someone above say anti-depressants can trigger mania too which is certainly true.

I have Bipolar II and usually experience slow/pro-longed mood swings. I am typically usually in a depressive state, but from time to time I will get insanely happy and do much of what you described. Other times, I feel both sad and happy at once. I would say, no doubt, my emotions are all over the place and sometimes are challenging to control. It's complicated though because I can have days where my moods swing all over, but usually it's the slow ones (like what you described: one month of happy, then many of depression, etc.).

I've got high anxiety as well. I totally relate to feeling fearful for no reason. I'm pretty constantly anxious. A lot of that comes from me constantly wondering if I'm going to be okay (going through a very stressful time where my bipolar symptoms are off the charts). Totally get the noise thing though. I'd considered if there's anything about those noises that could be triggering you as well. If you had some sort of negative experience with the object or the sound, that could be why you have such a strong reaction. For example, because of a previous bad relationship, I will hear someones phone make the ding from Facebook messenger and get an instant panic even though there is no real danger. In fact, I've kind of just become afraid of Facebook in general lol.

But yeah. Everything you're describing I can totally relate to. Just know that if it is Bipolar, you'll figure out how to manage it. It will not be easy, but having a therapist and pdoc is always the right step. They can perscribe medications that work pretty well usually, but you need to try to control your thinking as well with things like cognitive behavioral therapy.

I'm glad you signed up here too. If you do have Bipolar, or any mental illness, you'll always have support! I suggest, if you do get diagnosed with it-or maybe even beforehand-to read up on it so you know what you expect and ways to manage it. It's really important to understand it. I lived diagnosed with it for 4 years before I really decided I needed to change things and saw how much damage it could still do even when on meds.

Try not to worry about it too much (easier said than done). You'll be alright. And, as far as the label, it's up to you whoever you decide to share your diagnosis with (if you have it). Mental illnesses are also entirely real, so don't listen to your sister. lol.

[Manic Trance]

Well, the beginning def sounds like hypomania, like, to a T! And obvs the depression sounds like depression. The rest of it could all be folded in as generally part of bipolar symptoms, etc... The thing with BP though is the pattern. It would be the defining characteristic of your life in some way, that there were these high periods, and then these low periods. I am rapid cycling, so I can begin a day racing, and end with suicidal ideation and extreme depression, but in my case neither state will last very long. But others will go through long periods of hypomania and mania, and long periods of mixed moods, and long depressions, it really depends. There will also be normative phases between episodes, what cannot change is that you are in some way cycling through these things. Like if you were just super high once, and then got depressed, and that's it? If you can't look back at your life and see many of the events of your life as having something to do with a cycle of extreme highs and lows, then perhaps there is just something going on in your life that has caused this. But if there is a sense of a high to low and back cycle that sort of lacks causality (though may be triggered), but that is always going on, perhaps you have suddenly ended relationships while low, and then, as if waking up from a dream, wondered why you did so, or decided to quit school and go on a cross country trip, and then half way across the country come down and wonder what has gotten into you, I mean those are just examples, it could be anything, but this quality of moods controlling your life, instead of things in your life leading to certain moods, then yes, maybe you are bipolar.

Sorry for that insane run on sentence, but I hope you see what I mean?!
Soon...
MT

Originally Posted by VeggieGirl1993

Hi everyone,

i have just signed up as i want to gain insight into bipolar disorder while i am waiting for an assessment/diagnosis. My GP thinks i am bipolar but i dont know if i agree. I experienced about a month of pure happiness (despite being on anti depressants) and elation, i wanted to speak to everyone and anyone, i laughed all the time, constantly made jokes, wanting to start up exercising and eating healthy and felt motivated, while also going on loads of dates (unlike me!) and being really carefree and telling them too much information about my life. I had amazing self esteem, i felt like i was IT! pretty, confident, clever etc. but i usually have low self esteem so it was strange. I also spent nearly all of my student finance going out and drinking and online shopping leaving nothing left for bills! at the time i didnt care. so as i say this went on for about a month maybe a bit longer. then ive had 2 months of utter depression and suicidal thoughts, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, with a few 'neutral' or 'fine' days in between. but thats it, i havent experienced any more of the 'high' days since, just that 1 or 2 months. I thought people with bipolar generally experienced a lot more mood switching? Or is it different with each person? also to add, in the past 3 weeks i have out of nowhere developed awful anxiety. im constantly worrying and feel nervous and fearful for no reason, and any little noise makes me have a mini panic attack! i closed the door behind me today and it blew a bit of paper and i nearly fell over with fear! i also stepped on a lighter and screamed! what is with that? i cant sleep at night because i worry so much as feel uneasy. so its like ive had 4 different moods, high moods, depression, anxiety and neutral. any one else experience anything like this? and does it sound like bipolar? obviously not expecting any sort of diagnosis just an insight really or any advice. i have been waiting 3 weeks to see someone since being referred. sorry if none of this makes sense my head is a bit muffled!

thanks for reading

[ChaoticSymphony]

I've only had 2 noticeably high times in my life. One was something I didn't notice until after the fact, many months possibly a year later and the other came after a traumatic event happened. The last one I went through reminds me of everything you mentioned. The thing that really stood out that you wrote is the telling people way more than you normally do. Ugh I remember sending emails that were very personal to people I never would of released that information to. Hugs and welcome. I hope you find support here.

[prepsychmel]

Welcome! I'm glad you're going to find the answers you need.