How to raise a child while being BP?

I have a daughter who is 14 years old. Her mother does not pay much attention to her. So raising her falls for the most part on my shoulders. I have my mood swings, and do things that do not make sense. During these periods of time, I am not as available to her as much as I want to be. For instance, when I cannot focus and I am depressed and she comes to me for help with her studies, I find during these times I cannot help her. I am not there when she needs help. I promise her that I will make important things happen for her. But much of the time I find it very difficult to follow through with my promises even though much of the time they eventually get done by me.

I feel that she cannot depend on me just like she cannot depend on her mother. I feel very sad about this. I did take my daughter to my pdoc to help her understand that I have mood swings and sometimes do goofy things. But I think this is no excuse for not being there for her and making a positive difference in her life.

What can I do? I am working with my pdoc towards stability. But I am afraid I am coming across lazy and unreliable. She should not have to deal with this in her life. What do people in my situation do to be there for their family? Maybe I am lazy and unreliable?

PS: After further thought, it looks like I am the one that is having difficulty accepting my illness. But what does my daughter think of me? Can I be the father I want to be for my daughter.

My Grandmother had Bipolar and helped take care of me. She was sometimes unavailable and sometimes goofy, but she was always nurturing. The favorite person in my life was my Grandmother despite everything just because I could tell how much she cared even though sometimes she couldn't do what she wanted to. I hope that helps a little.

This year was really bad for us. I'm pretty negitive right now sorry.

I never promise. It's to easy to end up lying.

Apologies when you hurt her. Get her a therapist they're dependable, accepting, trusted adults. Some days it's hard to just feed him but I'm honest. Ie. "I'm to scattered to help with homework. Can you call (stand in homework helper)? Do you want to go to to the libraries homework help hour? " Honesty is the best. Have her stay after school with her favorite teacher for help. Things are hard.

She may view it as lazy, unreliable but not to the point of her mother and she'll forgive you for being human. The super parent doesn't exist.

Raising kids as a bipolar is no easy task. I was a single parent, and came across crazy. When I found I was bipolar, my son was 13. Best thing I did was explain to him my condition.

Does your daughter know about your condition?

Stability is good.

I notice that you're on buspirone. One of my biggest complaint was not having anymore drive, feeling inhibited. When I found out that it's a mild tranquilizer, I quit taking it and that feeling went a way.

If the meds are worst then the symptoms, why take it?

As parents we have to face the difference between our ideals and the reality of what we can do and provide for our children. Just because you don't live up to certain standards you set for yourself doesn't mean you are not a good parent. You are human. Give yourself some credit. Be honest with your daughter and just do the best you can. At least you are aware of your situation.

I have struggled with this as well. Despite our best intentions, sometimes our good enough is not going to produce our the desired outcome. But all we can do is the best we can and realize our children are resilient.

I went undiagnosed BP until age 43 ... Raising my daughter ? I just had to, I just never allowed myself "not" to.. If she needed something I found the energy somewhere in me .. Was it 100% all the time , Nope, but was enough to manage her needs ...

She was diagnosed 3 months after mine at age 19... Shes living a fantastic life, No, she doesnt blame "me" for passing it along , I finally stopped feeling guilty about it.,

Her and I just managed , I don't think anything is impossible in living a life. Some days are just going to effin suck , other days , Hey ! its okay.

I'm to stubborn to let BP keep me down.

I have a hard time "being there" for my kids when I'm depressed.

I have a hard time being there for anyone when I'm like that, really.

I don't function very well. I neglect everything. Everything. All the basic chores, all the self cleansing functioning one would expect to do on a day to day basis.

Thank God for my husband.

((Tucson))
just reading you're post and I can feel how much you care about you're daughter. Don't be so hard on yourself..We all do our best as parents. My daughter is all grown up now and I remember how I used the be a supermom getting involved in all kinds of activities..but I also remember I had times when this was soooooo difficult. I'm just happy I had help from my partner or that she was busy being a kid with her friends. I did however try to keep doing some things with her but did less..I found excuses..When she got older, she started to be more aware..and for some reason I started to talk to her more about how I was feeling because I felt guilty and I still sometimes do especially after a period when I become completely unavailable because I'm just so not "me" . It's hard, do you're best, try not to make promises..sometimes it's hard to keep a promise..and if you can, try to find support for her when you are well so that when you are not feeling well that she can have support. I wish I did that when my daughter was younger I think it would of helped.

One of the reasons for me not working is because I am raising my son. I dont have the health to do both. His needs comes first. I dont have the income I had, but manage to get by. There are times when I am in bed when he comes home from school. Sometimes I heat a frozen pizza for dinner. I dont beat myself up about it, only try to do better at good days. He spends two weeks at his fathers house every month, and of course that makes a difference.

Fortunately I have a husband that helps; however, he is sometimes to tough on my kids, so they come to me for support with school, friends, etc.
My children, all teenagers, are aware of my issues. Two of my sons also are treated for mental conditions. We all try to understand each other. Sometimes it gets very tough, especially when dealing with my son's anger problems, but we all just keep going, knowing when to take a time out.
Bluemountains

I think that it might be something useful for a child to know about how MI actually manifests itself. That they learn a useful lesson for life, and might become better and more understanding people as a result of that. That is of course, if a parent/caregiver does not abuse/ignore their needs as a result of MI, and then doesn't let the child know what is going on. All parents are bound to make some mistakes, no matter if they have an illness or not. In the case of my son, I have chosen to be as open as possible. One of the reasons is that he has inherited the gene for BP from me, and I want him to understand a lot about the illness in case he gets BP himself.

One thing I did, was to do my best to develop a network of other parents to draw on in times when I could not do for my son. His father can have a somewhat abrasive personality, and he is not good at making networks. In good periodes, I help out other parents, and then they will be more open for helping me out, with things that I can't always do. A strategy that has worked for me. Then my guilt for not doing a lot of the practical stuff is lessened, and I can use my energi on just making sure he knowns how deeply he is loved.