I was born bipolar and the other thing. I lived undiagnosed for 44 years. I've only been diagnosed and medicated for 3 years.

I lived the classic beeper life, ready to die out of luck. I've had multiple serious relationships. Tons of drugs and alcohol to put me out of my misery. I figured that I'd be dead by now. I've seen various judges through the years from citations that ranked from parking to manufacturing to feed my needs.

Now on meds with clarity, I feel that my illness stole my entire life. I know, coulda woulda shoulda, but in the grips of insanity because of MI, like I really had some choice in the matter. I felt that I was robbed of a life and there are no do-overs. Just that thought in itself is depressing enough.

Sure, I got tomorrow, don't patronize me. What tomorrow means is I just got to deal with what I am today because of my past. I'm good with that because this is where my life has brought me. It's just that little 3% that has a problem with it. I just feel robbed because of this illness. Bravo to you young ones that are getting the help required at a young age. I was screwed from the beginning because nobody cared, and they still don't. I'm borderline caring...myself.

I know there are no guarantees, but hey, such is life. Whatever.

[LDB1]

I dunno. I seem to have a pattern in my life of doing really well for a while, and then screwing it up so I had to start over again. I cannot figure out how in the world I managed to get away with the stunts I would pull, I was a long haul trucker for 18 years and I consider myself lucky to have not killed anyone. Driving coast to coast while manic or trying to do my job while so depressed I could barely get out of my bed. Not the guy you want driving that 80,000 lb rig beside you on the interstate.

I guess if I had been diagnosed earlier I would have never had that career, maybe I'd still be married and have my house and all that but who knows?

All I know is now I just want to get, and remain stable, put my life back together and hopefully, If I can't be happy, at least be content.

[Resident Bipolar]

+1. I began my first depressive episode during exams at school. A*s became non - grades because

Possible trigger:

Suicide attempt and psych inpatient

Left barely qualified, in a crappy job, with very little in the way of prospects or hope for the future, all of that hard work at school and the high grades I got in modular exams were for nothing. Super!

[Nammu]

I feel that way a lot. But in my case I was Dx years ago with both PTSD And at first MDD then BP but I refused to believe in the BP. I felt PSTD was acceptable because the CSA was there but the BP no. I spent years fighting meds and sometimes being over medicated but I really made things things worse by attributing everything to the PTSD and fighting meds. I spend too much time I what maybe coulda been if I had just accepted things much sooner. Finishing school, having steady employment, way less hospitizations.

I can't really say that it stole my life, but it certainly impacted my adolescence. As I have gotten older I have learned how to get around and managed to build a life for myself. It takes a lot of work and its been difficult, but I am bound and determines not to give in to it.

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I can't really say that it stole my life, but it certainly impacted my adolescence. As I have gotten older I have learned how to get around and managed to build a life for myself. It takes a lot of work and its been difficult, but I am bound and determines not to give in to it.

Right on. Kudos for you. I hope it's better than living in self destruct. I wish. Today, I'm living that way, but not really used to it, not sure what to do. I've got so many unkowns that im frozen in unsuredness with no help. I feel like I'm 19 again.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Right on. Kudos for you. I hope it's better than living in self destruct. I wish. Today, I'm living that way, but not really used to it, not sure what to do. I've got so many unkowns that im frozen in unsuredness with no help. I feel like I'm 19 again.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments lol. I go through my self destructive moments and I go through my manic moments. I know how much it will wear on a person, and believe me, right now my body feel shot after so many days without sleep. And I feel for everyone that lost out on things because this struggle. hard to enjoy life when you are jumping hurdles through it constantly. ((hugs))

[~Christina]

Well , I wasn't diagnosed until age 43.. I had lots of ups and downs , Trauma , got marriage had a child, got divorced eventually remarried and stuff, But I plugged along...

I was 43 and the bottom dropped outta my world. So I got sad mad and pissed and started finding my way to still having an enjoyable life despite Bipolar.

Sure Bipolar sucks ! I look back and can see where Bipolar had taken the reins all through my life , but , eh , I was clueless.... Some days I just wanna throw in the towel and bow out.

But honestly for me .... If I could get rid of Bipolar or my Fibromyalgia..... I would dump the Fibro.... Episodes and swings I can somehow manage through.. Solid pain always at a 7 or above? If it hits an 8 and still going up that's when I start looking for a way out and have attempted an exit.

Bipolar for me is tough I wont lie... but... I don't let it take up any more space in my head than it has too. I'm about due for my Springtime mania to start kicking in, I need to dust off all my coping skills and make sure they are in great working order.

Anyway, thats just my story

[BlackSheep79]

I feel like for me personally it has robbed me of getting into my career and most importantly it has put my husband thru so much that he for sure didn't sign up for. But then I come on here everyday and I read your stories and I realize it could be so much worse for me and this is what pushes me forward. I'm probably not evaluating everything that I have gone thru because I just don't want to think about it, and a lot of things I don't even remember, so maybe there is more to my story. I just want to say I have so much admiration for you guys and see strength and determination.

[Wander]

Up until this point yes, bipolar has robbed me of a decent life. I have been wild and out of control since my teens, I have had to bail out of two degrees, set up a career only to lose it all. Lost friends, lost a marriage...lost my mind. In total I have spent at least 18 months as an inpatient in the last five years alone. There is so much more but I can't stand thinking about it. Right now I am again trying to rebuild my life. No matter how many times bipolar knocks me down I will wait to find the strength, get up and get fighting to have a decent life. At present I am back at uni (part-time because I cannot handle full-time) and working about 12 hours a week to barely survive. I am in the middle of a mixed episode and I cannot bear to lose all this too so I am fighting with all my might to stay at work and uni. It really wears me down, having bipolar, but it is the only life I have so I am trying to make the most of it.

[st0psign]

I'm only 25, but the first person to suggest i was somewhere in the BP spectrum told me this when i was 13 or 14, and was put on meds shortly after. that didn't stop the adolescent attitude of "i can do better, you don't know anything" leading me to "self medicate" for about 5 years (with horrible results of course). Don't think that an early diagnosis would've made things any better, they didn't for me. though my life has yet to be robbed (still being relatively young) this has slowed down my progress to get a bachelors in chemistry, to a crawl, and i know at some point in the future (probably more than i can foresee now) it will hinder my ability to obtain, and maintain a job, a meaningful relationship etc..

Everything that comes so easy to 90% of people, is about a million times harder for us. to be "normal" requires relentless effort, and a tightly regimented schedule, and in an ideal world that's possible, but it's not realistic. i feel as if we were cheated.

[scatterbrained04]

It definitely robbed my teen years. And my "college years" I didn't get to have. Now that I know what is wrong with me, I try not to let myself feel like it's robbing me of my life now. Now I always blame myself because there has to be something I can do to make it better that I'm not doing. And there is stuff I could be doing better. I only follow about 60-70% of my pdoc's advice, so I can't complain.

[ChaoticSymphony]

Your original post pretty much sums up my thoughts exactly. Im fortunate that, albeit this recent depression, I don't normally go too low...I'm still able to function quite well. My only regrets while manic have been the sexual indiscretions. Gulp, I can't stand when my head wants to think about those idiots, and the biggest idiot...me. I Mostly hate the fact that I will never get those primative years back with my kids. I was such a mess with the challenges of raising kids both in diapers that I went into survival mode vs soaking up all that goodness. C'est la vi

I keep being drawn back to my later years of high school where it all finally caved in. No longer told what to do but left under my own direction, I bombed.

From them on every right decision was a wrong decision no matter how right it seemed. What can you do?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I keep being drawn back to my later years of high school where it all finally caved in. No longer told what to do but left under my own direction, I bombed.

From them on every right decision was a wrong decision no matter how right it seemed. What can you do?

Well you can't change the past , you can guide your future. Exam the past and learn from your poor choices , put as many hurdles in your way of doing whatever that might just be a repeat of the past... Sometimes shyt happens regardless of all the stuff you can do to avoid a crash and burn.... Again look at it examine it, make peace with it and take the step forward , if your always looking back its easy to fall into a gaping hole you missed while looking back instead of in front of you.

Yeah I am an upbeat person in general , I am sure a few people get tired of my positive thinking around here, lol ... trust me I fall down many times and have to haul myself back into place.I try to find that silver lining as much as I can. I often pull out the fake it til I make it , Many times I just hang on white knuckles and ride it out..... . It is what helps me keep my life moving along.

[Crazy Hitch]

Please read with happiness and kindness, this is mania speech and sent with love

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]Here is what I would say to myself in my mind if I start to think:
"BIPOLAR HAS ROBBED ME OF A DECENT LIFE"[/COLOR]
________________________________________________________________________

I REFUSE to believe that Biplar has "ROBBED" me of my life.

I WILL NOT bow down to you.

I am not your submissive. I don't play that game.

You think you've won?

Stuff you.

You haven't won.

Yes. You have beat me down.

Yes. You have stuffed up a lot of things for me.

Yes. There have been changes in the course of my life that when I was 18 thinking ahead and wondering is this the path I would have been on well gee I didn't know it would turn out like this you stupid MI.

You have stuffed around with my career. Who would have thought? 4 years of studying at university? 14 years of teaching and now currently not able to teach?

A heck of a lot of strain on my marriage.

Wow I never knew any of this existed.

I was read fairy tale happy endings in Fairy Tale books as a child.

Those books lied.

They don't speak the truth.

They're pretty stupid really.

They need to be rewritten.

Stuff you Bipolar you can stuff off.

You will not beat me on this.

You think you've won?

WATCH ME!

Here's my Fairy Tale that nobody read to me when I was a child.

I shall rewrite the novel. Go to hell Bipolar. I know how this Fairy Tale ends.

I am rewriting the chapter called MY LIFE. THIS IS MY BOOK. THIS IS MY STORY TO TELL. YOU WILL NOT HAVE THE LAST SAY. YOU WILL NOT GET TO CHOOSE HOW MY FUTURE DIRECTION FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IS DETERMINED.

There is no blank page before me.

Bugger off.

I am writing.

You can't "ROB" me.

If you ROB me it means you stole something from me.

You're not STEALING MY LIFE.

I AM CHOOSING HOW THIS WILL END.

So you THINK Bipolar that I will never work again? This is how it ends in your fairy tale does it? *BAM* Wrong answer Bipolar. Guess what. When I am stable I can and I will get out there and I WILL go out and get a job. Consider that a THREAT Bipolar. I'm not scared of you. You rob me of NOTHING.

Do you think you are allowed to continue to tamper around with my relationship with my husband? Did you? Forget it. I'm writing this ending for you. Here. Watch. We will get through this. How DARE you make us reach the point where we love one another so much but we feel "stuck". We are not stuck. Go away Bipolar. We will work through this. We will both go for professional counselling so that I can understand what HE goes through on a daily basis living with me. I don't know what it's like. I mean I get a clue when he suddenly loses the plot but he loses the plot because he doesn't know what to do with YOU. You suck Bipolar. You suck. I win. Because we can and will work through this.

Sorry for you Bipolar.

You lose.

I win.

CHECKMATE?

Bugger off.

I write my life.

You stole me of nothing.

Go jump off your high horse.

YOU ARE NOT THE KING OF THE CASTLE IN THIS FAIRY TALE.

GUESS WHAT? I have a suprise for you Bipolar. You have been Demoted. My life has now become governed by the Queen Human ME. Get over yourself.

____________________________________________________________________

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]Sent with love and happiness - I refuse to give in to this MI [/COLOR]

[BP2014]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I was born bipolar and the other thing. I lived undiagnosed for 44 years. I've only been diagnosed and medicated for 3 years.

I lived the classic beeper life, ready to die out of luck. I've had multiple serious relationships. Tons of drugs and alcohol to put me out of my misery. I figured that I'd be dead by now. I've seen various judges through the years from citations that ranked from parking to manufacturing to feed my needs.

Now on meds with clarity, I feel that my illness stole my entire life. I know, coulda woulda shoulda, but in the grips of insanity because of MI, like I really had some choice in the matter. I felt that I was robbed of a life and there are no do-overs. Just that thought in itself is depressing enough.

Sure, I got tomorrow, don't patronize me. What tomorrow means is I just got to deal with what I am today because of my past. I'm good with that because this is where my life has brought me. It's just that little 3% that has a problem with it. I just feel robbed because of this illness. Bravo to you young ones that are getting the help required at a young age. I was screwed from the beginning because nobody cared, and they still don't. I'm borderline caring...myself.

I know there are no guarantees, but hey, such is life. Whatever.

Are you referring to family don't care or doctors did not care? I think sometimes people just don't understand but I also think some do not care. I don't expect everyone to care as people have their own things to worry or care about. But I also think it is important to find someone who cares...they are out there! Even if it is one person. I can relate to throwing relationships down the drain and making many bad decisions but I also know of very successful people who have done the same. We are our worst critic.

[thom2297]

I lived without diagnosis for a long time as well. But I don't feel robbed. I feel... Found. The diagnosis cleared up a lot of issues for me and explained many of the mistakes I've made. I am still alive. Going forward into the future I can become a better version of myself. I can't spend time wondering and feeling regretful over what might have been had I been diagnosed sooner. All I can do is live in the present.

Originally Posted by BP2014

Are you referring to family don't care or doctors did not care? I think sometimes people just don't understand but I also think some do not care. I don't expect everyone to care as people have their own things to worry or care about. But I also think it is important to find someone who cares...they are out there! Even if it is one person. I can relate to throwing relationships down the drain and making many bad decisions but I also know of very successful people who have done the same. We are our worst critic.

My family didn't care. Anything to not spend a dollar so everything got ignored. So without family support, there was no doctor support. My mom would say there's something wrong but my father would just say "yeah whatever, they'll grow out of it" (me and my other sisters that is). He's a serious tight wad.

I guess I feel differently, robbed of course but also denied. I tried hard, real hard to be the best that I can be. I was top of my class, making A's in honor classes. Had a bright future, or so I thought, going to college maintaining a 3.4 gpa in all the required courses. Then it all fell apart, from there I turned into a drifter from city to city, relationship to relationship. Doing dope. It's still hardly any different today.

[Bipolarchic14]

It has definately created some road blocks and put a damper on some of my plans. Despite having strong suicidal urges, when I am not in that state I am trying to improve my life. It feels like am uphill battle.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

It has definately created some road blocks and put a damper on some of my plans. Despite having strong suicidal urges, when I am not in that state I am trying to improve my life. It feels like am uphill battle.

Yeah, this ^^^

[sleepless0515]

I can definitely say that BP has robbed me of a decent life, but only during my manic and mixed episodes. However, thinking back; I think that what did rob me of a decent life is not knowing what I have been having.

I've only been very recently diagnosed, and YES, this mixed stage that I'm going through is seriously impacting my life.

On a side note; I must thank my first manic episode for meeting my husband and having this wonderful family that we made together

Yes, I started this discussion as a gripe, but parts of me is more optimistic then pessimistic. I'm good at taking what I got today and moving forward. Truth be known, I've grown so much since I've been on this personal quest to better understand myself. I'm looking forward to the next day's challenge. What throws me is that my opinion changes too often than none.

[Pikku Myy]

I don't Made it definitely a bit more challenging to say the least.