What about bipolar do you hate the most?

I hate this too and feel the same way! Everyday feels like a challenge. I'm constantly filled with stress and anxiety just about normal, everyday things, like taking my kid to school, or going to work, or cleaning the apartment. Basically everything. Most days I wake up wanting to stab myself in the face (sorry for that imagery, but it's really the way I feel most mornings).

Waiting for hypomania. Losing control.

Totally. Except i never try to tame it, i try to exasperate it.

My rapid speech, can't always get myself to shut up.

I hate when i am manic and i do such reckless things: spending and romancing. I've blown thru my entire hard-won savings a few times and am getting too close to retirement to do that even one more time. Time and again i have tried to start relationships with someone inappropriate and gotten hurt and what was the point? I didn't want them in the first place. Yes, mania definitely plays tricks on me.

I hate the aftermath after a manic spree.

Things go wrong and instantly wishing I was dead... Yep! What is that crap?!

I hate the mornings, and how it affects my parenting style. Nothing feels worse to me when this illness interferes with how I am as a mother.

Think I'm crazy, I don't care. Judge me, I don't care. Lable me, I don't care. Get between my kids and I? I'm ready to die in failure.

I hate being manic and not remembering things I have said or done and having to check my bank account or have people tell me I was insane. It's like being black out drunk while not drinking. I also hate the stigma.

I hate hypomania, of course, but I especially hate the stigma behind my disorder. There are so many people I see/hear all the time, or even read online, that say things like omg she was being so bipolar!! wow he's crazy, he's like bipolar or something! And it makes me very sensitive to being called "crazy" and whatnot. I tell very few people about my disease because of this. One person, a psychology professor, remarked after I told her, "I would've never guessed that from you, you seem so smart." Excuse me? I didn't know that those suffering from mental illness are barred from ALL mental tasks.

ANGRY MANIA - just that feeling of feeling ANGRY when it's ANGRY mania and having to find self help strategies to relieve the FEELING of ANGRY mania

I'm not liking what I'm feeling right now. Shame. I'm having a hangover from how I've been acting all day, I haven't had a single drop, the thoughts of drinking never occurred to me today. On one hand, I can and have been actively abstaining from alcohol, but this? The similarities are just so eerie.

I am wired the same way, what is that?

I hate the paranoia, not being able to tell if what I'm feeling is true or just the Bipolar. Feeling trapped in myself, feeling no one cares at the drop of a hat. When I'm down, things things I love don't bring my joy. The constant thinking and dissection of every action of me and others. Conversations in my head, constantly trying to solve issues that are not as big as I make them. Feeling helpless and stuck that the only way out is with a bullet to the head. Thinking then I can finally relax.

I hate the delusions where reality starts bending harder and harder until a pypsychotic break is inevitable and I'm reduced to a blubbering mass of snot and tears.

I hate the unpredictability. I hate being a slave to my own mind, at times.

The depression.

I hate the unpredictability because it started to alienate and frighten my family. But I am on the right road now.

Myself, my life, my past, my present, my future, and basically everything else that has to do with being alive.

What I hate the most? Hmm... That depends on the situation I find myself in I guess. Right now I have gone into full cleaning and organizing my apartment-mode. Which is great in a lot of ways! But as usual, all this energy came like lightning out of the sky. A week ago I could hardly drag myself out of bed. Very unpredictable. I think that is what I like the least right now, how unpredictable my BP is.

Just read this entire thread and balled my eyes out.

Yup, this is me. This is what I am experiencing.

I completely understand I do the same thing and then I feel even more pathetic when I think how hard others have it and here I am being well me irrational.

I hate the ever changing mood swings that make you say and do stupid things pushing the ones you love the most away

I hate being a financial drain on my family, and for putting my husband through hell. I know it's stressful for him, especially when I get really bad. I don't like that. It makes me feel horrible. I hate having to be inpatient sometimes, because we CAN NOT afford the medical bills (above, financial drain on family).

It makes me feel bad that my daughter could get this too.

I just feel bad in general right now.

When I feel too fatigued to get any work done and when I feel too foggy-brained or scatter-brained to study. Also, it's a really expensive illness to have, both in terms of time and money.

Unpredictability
Not being able to trust my brain to do what it's supposed to
Insomnia
Anger/Irritation
The guilt that I feel in my depressed states where I.just.can't.do.anything.

There's more, but I think what I hate the most is trying to explain this to people, and them being dismissive because they don't understand and (I suspect) don't really want to. I don't go to doctors and therapists and spend money on myriad prescriptions for grins and giggles. My house doesn't look like crap sometimes because I am lazy. I am not possessed by the devil or somesuch other religious nonsense. I am trying to muddle my way through a medical condition that is every bit as challenging as a more "visible" one. Ugh, just ugh!!!!

My impulsive behaviour.

Has landed me in trouble.

I own it.

I stuffed up.