I don't want to sound mean or to be flaming so I'm going to warn you that I may insult you by this post but I'm NOT trying to attack anyone-I've been really hurt by my sister who's Bi-polar and I'm very angry at her and at this disorder so I may come off as being insensitive or impatient and I apologize for that, I'll try not to be emotional- I'm trying to understand BiPolar tendencies and why they made her hurt me so badly...
My sister was diagnosed with bipolar recently. I've always known there was something wrong with her because of the way she acted with me. I don't understand why the attacks were always aimed at me and anyone who was "smaller" "weaker" or "under" her. She must have some control over the disorder if she can choose who to let it lash out at. Is this true for all Bi-Polar sufferers?
Is it normal to hate and turn against someone who loves you soooo much with no real good reason for it? Or is there a "bi-polar reasoning"?
I need to know why she turned on me and her first husband as she did. Why? All we did was love her. Anyone who mistreats her, she falls all over for, I don't get it.
Is that a symptom?
Do you get angry over nothing and start yelling and screaming at someone who looks up to you and do you call them "SATAN" and "EVIL" just because they asked you what was the matter 'cause you looked really sad as we were playing Monopoly?

If this was rude then I'm really sorry. Please, go ahead and delete it if it upsets the people here. I don't want to upset you. I'm just very angry at my sister.

[Seraph]

I'm sorry to hear about your sister.

I doubt there's really a "bipolar reasoning."

Think of it this way:
Have you ever been really angry? I mean so angry your heart pounds and your face flushes. What happens when:
1) A stranger walks up to you and says hi
2) Your sister walks up to you and says hi
3) Your boss walks up to you and says hi
Is your reaction going to be the same? Probably not.

Everything your sister's ever done to upset you is probably going to come to mind and you're liable to be hostile towards her.
How about the boss? Of the three, you're probably most likely to be the least hostile to the boss unless you're so upset you can't control yourself.

Would you be thinking logically? Possibly - but you'd still be motivated by factors other than logic (emotion).

Now magnify that scenario, extend the duration of the mood, and imagine it without a specific trigger. There is probably some degree of control, but it may be awash in the emotion. Mania/depression is like a lens which distorts every thought and action.

Of course, mania/depression is different from anger, but there are quite a few similarities.

I hope you don't let it get to you too much. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything works out!

Unfortunately, many people with bp have rages & often lash out at the people closest to them. I don't understand how someone with bp (like me & my mother) seem to have control while we are out of control.

I would cry & rage at my husband, but not anyone else. My mother did the same thing to my father & physically abused my younger brother. I had to call the police a couple times as she was getting close to severely injuring him. But when the police arrived she was in control again & served them tea! They thought I was the crazy one.

She also was released from mental institutions after suicide attempts within a short amount of time. She could manage to get herself together & convince the docs she was fine, but when she got home she would start running into the street in front of cars trying to get hit or OD on pills.

It seems like the illness is an entity that tries to protect itself. It doesn't want to be treated.

I agree it is a very hurtful & strange disorder. With proper meds the rage can subside.--Suzy

[darkeyes]

This often can be a generalization, Bipolar is not a "one size fits all", I'm not replying with resentment, but feel people need to stop holding onto stereotypes, maybe even educate themselves using professional info. My brother was DXed BP-I years ago and yes when not taking meds properly can lose and has lost control in the past, lashing out saying horrible things, once stabilized on his meds and sticking to them, he is the loving brother/friend as he always was. I was DXed with BP-II, and I have never had that happen to me, instead,I'd withdraw into deep depression. Not all forms of BP are the same.
No one is the same, as well as no Bipolar is the same, despite some sharing similarities. The usage of "Bipolar" has become overused and abused by many people, for example:
if a person has been spending money, buying stuff, etc. automatically the label "he or she is bipolar", if someone is terse, "they are being manic". Seems like "bipolar" is now replacing "add/adhd", like when someone would be energetic or fidgety, we use to hear catch phrases, "oh he or she is hyper", "or so and so needs their ritilin", etc.
Maybe I'm just rambling here . . .
But so often, Bipolar is misused to describe people with unwanted personalities, when in all actuality are not Bipolar,or Bipolar combined with other disorders, for people can have multiple disorders too. It may not be Bipolar at all, but they may have BPD,and/or just grew up in an environment conducive to the person's behaviour and/or personality. I have seen times when my brother would be so wound up, in a full manic episode, and then calm for awhile then start up. I truly believe him when he has told me what it is like and how a person DOES NOT have control, he use to even cry when an episode would be approaching, telling us how he can't "stop it", and that is where the proper mood stabilizer(s) came in, and "rescued" him and us, as well. Sure, like anyone with or without this disorder may use their lack of control for an excuse, but I doubt anyone truly Bipolar wants to be out of control, and I highly doubt from what I've seen, that someone who is episodic can just volunteerily (sp?) turn it on and off to their convenience, it's more complex than that.
Maybe I'm not being much use to answering your question(s), and I even apologize in advance, if I'm way off on them, I'm not saying your sister's behaviour is not of bipolar behaviour or not, I do want to say that of what I have witnessed with my brother, is that while he was manic, there is no reasoning with him, sooooooooo we had to refrain from any trying to reasoning, which we learned from one of the top pdocs in the eastern part of the US, as well as several other pdocs.
If your sister is not on mood stabilizers and/or not in some treatment plan, chances are she will continue this, but there are people too, without a Bipolar Dx that can behave like this, so this is why it is always best for the person to have a professional psychiatric evaluation, and then work with the pdoc for treatment/therapy.
I wish you luck with this, and that your sister gets professional care.
Take care,
DE

Hi,
I appreciate your responses.
I wasn't trying to suggest in anyway that bipolar sufferers can control their symptoms-if anything I'd see it the other way around, as in, they can't. Which is why my being the ONLY one, besides her husbands but much later in her life, who saw this side of her. It felt very personaly directed at me.
I don't think I ever should have brought this up on here. I have no right to come into this area and start bad mouthing my sister because I'm angry at her for being bi-polar because I'm the only one who seems to see the rages in our family, except her husbands. I'm just very confused with this. Do I have the excuse to HATE her like I do or do I now have to learn to really try to forgive/excuse her because I'm assuming, she acted this way towards me because she was/is suffering from bi-polar. (I'm not ready to forgive her. I hate her. She was so damn mean to me and it was totally uncalled for.) But what Seraph and Suzy wrote makes sense about lashing out on certain people and not others.
But on the other hand-isn't there some control in her not lashing out on just anybody? I mean, I have a serious attitude problem and it comes out in all areas of my life, home, family, strangers, work, here on PC, everywhere. I really have no control over it but I'm trying. If I'm having this much trouble control my attitude regardless of where and who, wouldn't it be harder and more evident with something as I see as being more serious as bi-polar disorder?
Cause maybe as DarkEyes suggested, maybe she's not suffering from bi-polar disorder-I don't know, I'm sure she was diagnosed by a doctor, she's on meds for it. But she could have been misdiagnosed. I can't say. I don't know very much about bi-polar to even use it as a catch all or to be stereo typical about it. Really. I just knew about the rages/anger because of what I read on here.
I'm now confused as to what I'm asking.
I'm sorry. I have to deal with this in another way. I don't want to hurt any of you and jab at what your going through. I really, truely don't and I'm sorry if you felt like I did so maliciously. I didn't mean to.
((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))

[bizi]

quit apologizing.
this is a perfect place to vent, ask questions etc.
where else are you going to get feed back help for your problems.
From what you have said, she may have more than one diagnosis. and her meds may not be the right ones. Any way you could have a third person in her life act as a go between to suggest she perhaps see her pdoc to help stabilize her meds.
If she triggers youa nd is mean to you...you are allowed to not have her in your life. No one deserves to be verbally abused.
Until she sees this there is not any reasoning with her. You could simply write a letter to her staing that you don't deerve this treament and are distancing yourslef from her until she is ready to have a more respectful relationship.
This sounds all very sad...
I am sorry that you are hurting so...and you have to take care of your self.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[bipolar_bear]

Please don't stop asking questions. And please do stop apologizing. Just like any disorder there is no one size fits all. As you can tell from the responses some people do have these symptoms and then others don't. And other disorders can also exhibit the same symptoms.

I am so sorry that the anger is being directed at you. It certainly sounds like it is intense. I will not say that she has been misdiagnosed as I am not qualified. But there exists the possibility, as with any disorder, and the possibility of dual illnesses.

I can understand the intense feelings you are having. While unstable bipolar disorder can exhibit strong reactions but the idea behind the medication is to stabalize it. That does not make it right what she has done but maybe understandable. You have been hurt very much by circumstances possibly out of either of yours control and for that I am sorry.

Does the diagnosis really matter to your relationship? Whatever is causing this hurtful behavior needs to be stabalized in a manner that is effective such as medication or therapy or both.

I am very sorry that you have experienced the repercussions and hope that you will be able to heal a relationship that has been strained by unusual circumstances. Please take care of yourself as it is not fair that you recieve the rage that she is feeling. Please take care. I hope things improve.

BB

[darkeyes]

((((((((( Jax ))))))))))

No need to feel you should have not brought this up, how else can people learn about something without asking questions? They are good questions, and I apologize if I appeared defensive, sometimes expressing things in a written form can be tricky.
It's okay if you can't forgive, maybe someday you will or you won't and that is fine. The best thing, if possible, is to avoid being around her, especially she is triggering to be around. I have another brother, who since childhood has gotten under my other brother and my skin. People don't always get along or will like each other, that is natural and fine, in such situations it always best to stay away. In the animal kingdom,animals usually stay out of each other's way, from instinct and learning to respect each other's space, if not there will be consequences (sp?) not in all cases though, but if one observes nature they'll see it is evident.
Okay, I'm not equating anyone to animals, but just an example I can think of off hand.
Again, Jax, never feel that you shouldn't drop in here, there are so many things that can be learned from others with their own personal experiences, and if anyone of us see literature on this disorder, they are welcomed to share that too.
I hope something works out between you and her, if not just distance yourself from her, there isn't much you can do otherwise.
Take care now,
DE

(((((((((((Darkeyes, Bi-polar, Buzi, Seraph and Suzy)))))))))))))
Thank you very much. I feel much better. I have distanced myself from her and she's just started taking meds, I hope things do improve for her.
I appreciate your saying that I can ask questions and not to apologize. I just didn't want to hurt any of you in any way-you're being strong about it and I think you're super cool because of it.
I have to understand that she cannot control how she acts, I probably just trigger something inside of her. Whether it be or not be bi-polar related. You know? Like, where she was weak and vulnerable, she was screamed, yelled at and abused by our bio-father. Perhaps she's just repeating the pattern without even realizing it because I could represent the weak and vulnerable part of herself? The part she doesn't like because it had been treated so badly? Whereas, I'm protective of the weak and vulnerable.
I'm definetly going to keep my distance but I'm going to really focus on trying to empathize with what she had been and is going through.
(((((((more hugs))))))))))

[darkeyes]

(((((((((( Jax ))))))))))
It's the best you can do, just try to avoid being hurt, sometimes, some people just don't see the empathy, others have and/or are gifted with, and she may be one of them.
I think you have made a good point of one of the reasons she is this way to you, in all reality it may not have anything to do with you personally, but the fact you were a person in her life during the past, sadly the lashes are going to you, though it may not be you?
Jax, come here anytime, this is a great place to hang out and share stuff.

Thanks Darkeyes. ((((((((((darkeyes)))))))))