[agony007]

no matter how much i try to look at life in more positive way, it really freakin sucks. i was really active all day today. cleaned my entire house top to bottom, cooked, worked all day, took my 3 yr old to the pediatrician, blah blah blah. now i just feel really crappy. and something else i realized how easy it is to fool a pdoc. u go in, make sure u dress well, make up done nicely, hair done up, with a great smile on your face and tell him how great you r feeling. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT!!!!! anyway who cares.

[bizi]

WE have to be able to trust our pdocs when we need them.
I know the go in and fake it jsut to get your meds but maybe your pdoc could actually help you feel better, maybe your meds need a tweeking.
I take lamictal it has anti depressant properties, and sometimes need sto be upped a bit to be effective.
I wish you wellness.
bizi

[darkeyes]

Why try to fool your pdoc, if you are in need of help?
It's to your benefit and those around you, that you just be honest with your pdoc, be up front and just tell him or her exactly how you feel, that you feel life sucks, that's what you just told us that is how you feel.
Talk about your feelings and any medication options and/or talk therapy with a therapist.
I understand your frustration, but hiding stuff from the person you a paying to see for help, is counter productive, leaving you where you started. If you truly wish to get through this, be honest with your pdoc so he or she can really help you and if you are uncomfortable with your present pdoc, then seek a new one. Don't give up.
Please, take care now,
DE

[agony007]

you are both totally right. i was wrong for doing that this week. don't know what the hell possessed me to do that. i guess i was just tired of going there and being more down than happy. i don't have many happy days so i wanted to make that day happy. he told me he did not want to change my meds because he was"afraid to touch me" due to rapid cylcing. but he had increased the anti-dep and that is helping me feel better. thank you both for caring and your posts i really appreciate it. sometimes i need a kick back to reality.

[Direction]

I think we have all done that at some point...so don't be too hard on yourself when you slip.

In our thinking they sometimes appear to be the enemy when they are only trying to help us.

Also, I'm glad you posted so you could have that reality check...

[darkeyes]

When I first started therapy, it was strange, but I'd leave more depressed, even crying sometimes.
Oddly, it may be part of the therapy process? I don't know, but in time, though gradual, I leave more positive and now only have to go every other month for med monitoring/refills. I just try to keep the faith.
Please, keep the faith and believe in yourself, what seems the impossible eventually becomes possible, hang in there.

(((((((((((( agony007 )))))))))))))