[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I also look well no matter what.you going to write a long post generally because this matters to me a lot. I have avoided inpatient for well over 3 years. a new state. and I have been inpatient to times within the past 6 months. my experiences both times with the same teams we're completely different.
I think you in the same situation it wasn't for PC I would not have gone too inpatient twice. and I expect them to kick my *** next time I have to go inpatient. so this is me kicking your *** to the ER.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Miguel's mom makes a lot of good points.
I think that if you took a poll on here you'd be nearly 100% at "we think you need IP and a different dr at the very least looking at your meds and giving an honest opinion about them as well as discussing Clozaril honestly with you". Maybe your dr's issue is that he is too compassionate? That would help explain your mixed feelings. I'm not sure why he hasn't hospitalized you if you've expressed intent. I thought that was a pretty straight ticket into IP. But maybe that's my drs.
I think that's how we all feel about you (I'm guessing about others of course). We just want you to feel better, whatever it takes for that to happen. You've tried home care, you've tried for IOP, that just doesn't leave much else but IP and it doesn't negate that you still need help.
You're going to feel better but you have to take that awkward, painful step first.

Thank you both for your compassionate responses. I'm going to talk to my pdoc tomorrow and go from there. IF that means IP, that means IP.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Let us know what he says. I hope you get the help you deserve.

[Moogieotter]

I enjoy IP. For me, anything less that 4 weeks won't cut it.

Stabilization and release is a never ending hamster wheel!

Good luck!

moogs

[Victoria'smom]

I hope things go well for you tomorrow.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Just go IP. Do it and get it over with. I feel like it's becoming inevitable anyway. Like miguel'smom said, psychotic symptoms can just get worse and worse, and then the next thing you know there are police officers at your door asking if you're going to cooperate and EMS people and an ER that is out of network but no one will listen to you because your husband told everyone you're delusional and have been having hallucinations, and then once you've been physically stabilized end up handcuffed in the back of a squad car and end up in a different ER in handcuffs with two police officers and get escorted up to the psychiatric ward by a security person and the two police officers.

Sorry. It's just easier to go willingly and not end up on hold.

(And not have a million people ask you if you're going to cooperate. lol)

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Seriously, sooner you do it, sooner you'll get it over with and hopefully leave on a less weird med combination and hopefully feeling much better.

Thank you! Seriously, besides knowing how much my babies need me, my biggest deterrent from the hospital is that it will make the hubs and the mom mad. Back in the day when I was casting out demons and insisting that we take turns laying hands on every family member, every night to pray for each other (and that only scratches the surface), I was completely and overtly delusional and my hubs refused to recognize it. He won't be calling on me any day soon. Just tonight I said to him, "babe, I might actually have to go IP." He said "GD Sarah, why do you always think of the worst case scenerio?"

[Victoria'smom]

I wish your husband and mom would be more souportive.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Oh, out of nowhere, but another med thing you may want to ask about is that apparently a new version of Abilify is coming out soon. (My dr. told me this at my last visit but I can't go on it because of my reaction to Abilify). So maybe that would help you eventually (I don't know when it is coming, just soon)? I know there was a big difference between Seroquel and Seroquel XR for me so sometimes it can matter. Probably you have to do something immediate to get through this but if you've liked Abilify maybe eventually that will be an option for you.

[raspberrytorte]

I wish your husband and mom were more supportive of you going IP too.

I mean, how can it not be obvious to them that you need it?!

You're on a ton of medications that are just making things worse. You obviously need a med overhaul.

I wish your doctor would stop adding meds too. Now he's added haldol? Seriously.

[jacky8807]

cash....i know what its like to have non supportive family members that go into denial and worry how it will effect them. But i say stop thinking about them and think about YOU. Your kids will be fine and better off in the long run. There is only one life we get on this crazy planet called earth and you have spent way too long being unhappy. Just go and **** all the rest

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

cash....i know what its like to have non supportive family members that go into denial and worry how it will effect them. But i say stop thinking about them and think about YOU. Your kids will be fine and better off in the long run. There is only one life we get on this crazy planet called earth and you have spent way too long being unhappy. Just go and **** all the rest

I talked to my husband last night and he was surprisingly VERY supportive. I think he sees how much I am suffering and he is now telling me that my thoughts are "stupid...please tell me you don't actually believe that Sarah. That is not reality." He is trying to reality check my thoughts but I can't give into anything other than doom. I think he, perhaps, is thinking it is inevitable. Last night in bed, I told him I heard a woman laughing. He told me to describe it; then he said "I'm so sorry you have to go through that."

My doctor (although it's really his staff's fault...they really are bad at answering calls and returning messages) has still not returned my call which I made evident through that email and more so in a voicemail I left for him is dire. I think, even though I rather feel as thoough it is taking advantage of a priveldge, I am going to text him personally if I haven't heard back from him.

Here is what I am going to say: I don't mean to bug you but I am wondering if you can tell me how to proceed. I am emotionally frantic. I knew I wasn't going to live through yesterday but thankfully I told my husband and he helped me reality check. Do I need to go IP or are there other things to try?

Does that sound okay? Is it inappropriate to text him? Thank you!

[jacky8807]

i say go straight to er....thats it. i dont know if anything other than ip would help right now..its saved my life literally and thats why i am so supportive of you going. i want you well cause u r a great girl and u rock!

[raspberrytorte]

Just go to the ER and tell them you're suicidal. That's what I did the first time I went IP.

[bbTofu]

I imagine that you are feeling as if you're living on the edge, as if you're about to fall from the Everest. Constantly worried, emotionally heightened.

Please try to be honest with yourself, how long can you keep on the edge w/out going ER/IP ?
Don't bet your life on this struggle and save yourself

[cashart10]

I found another IOP that accepts my insurance. I have an appt at 12:00. My pdoc felt that IOP was good enough and I am still confident that it is too. However, if they choose to admit me instead, I am fine with it, that is how I feel about it. My pdoc never returned my call despite an email, an urgent phone call, and a direct text to his personal phone. I have no idea what tha is about.

[cashart10]

Thank you all for your kindness!

[Moogieotter]

Hey,

Are they still considering Clozapine? Psychosis is the main concern?

I hope you find relief in this new treatment.

moogs

[Victoria'smom]

Please consider a new pdoc.

[Nammu]

Hope this IOP will do a much better job of intervention and get you some real help. It is disappointing that after 17 years as your Pdoc he is not responding to your urgent needs. I'm glad your husband is starting to see the trauma and trying to be supportive.

[cashart10]

Sorry I haven't responded to all of your posts the last few days...I've been in my own little world. I am sitting here, just got evaluated and hoping they won't admit me. If they do, that's okay too. I told them about the voices and that the suicidal ideation is moderate. We shall see.

[Capriciousness]

I think it is time to tell them the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[cashart10]

Well...I start IOP tomorrow morning. I hate it because it is a huge burden on my family. Four weeks! IP would have probably been less of a burden, ha (except a lot harder on my kiddos)! But, hopefully I will make progess and start to feel better. Then it will be entirely worth the time and effort. I am unsure what to expect because the IOPs I have done in the past have been at a different hospital. The person doing the assessment advised me that if the suicidal thoughts become overwhelming, I can always tell them and they can admit me. I think this will work out and help me tremendously. We shall see!

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hey,

Are they still considering Clozapine? Psychosis is the main concern?
I hope you find relief in this new treatment.

moogs

Thank you!Yes, my pdoc plans to start this medication if the others don't resolve my symptoms. Psychosis and suicidality are the main concerns.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Please consider a new pdoc.

I haven't decided on this just yet but, regardless, I am stuck with him until at least Sept as that is the soonest I can see another.

Originally Posted by Capriciousness

I think it is time to tell them the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I did very good at telling them the truth. I didn't tell them that I resolved to take my life a few days ago, but I feel fairly certain that happened only because I was surviving less than 2 hours of sleep. However I did tell them I was least moderately suicidal, that I knew how I would take my life (but didn't necessarily have intent--which I don't), and that I am hearing voices. In fact, I believe, if I hadn't mentioned that my own pdoc recommeded IOP, they would have admitted me.

[cashart10]

I heard back from my pdoc. He is in FLA and was travelling yesterday. That makes me feel much better.