[raspberrytorte]

I'm in between doctors. My appointment with my new pdoc isn't until july sixteenth. I'm very unstable and suicidal. In patient is out of the question.

What should I do?!

I don't know what to do!!! I don't have anyone to call! Should I call my GP? I think she'd just want to put me on an antidepressant or something, or tell me she's not comfortable prescribing me anything.

I've never been this depressed before. It's like there's this huge weight on me. I feel like my bottom has fallen out (sorry, that sounds kind of weird), and I'm just falling down and down and down, and there's no end. My chest hurts.

We went to a nature preserve today, and in their building full of stuffed dead animals (really disturbing) there was this live exotic bird (It wasn't a parrot. It was some other kind of bird), but it was really pretty, green and yellow and red, and it was in this tiny little cage, and it was SAD. The thing was frickin depressed. Seriously. And it was shaking, like it was scared. I wanted to cry. If I was a bird, I'd be that bird. Seriously.

That's my great analogy.

Seriously.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yes.

In light of the seriousness of this post, I'm going to respond immediately with a yes - ring your GP now

Good idea

[Crazy Hitch]

Your GP can throw you a life line.

No matter how bad it seems.

You can be helped.

There are these numbers too on PsychCentral - http://psychcentral.com/lib/common-h...phone-numbers/

[wildflowerchild25]

I understand IP is not an option. is outpatient an option? Maybe you can look into some IOP or partial programs in your area. Most are during the day but some hold evening meetings. I'm in an evening program right now. I can still go to work and everything. You'll get in to see a doctor sooner in that case.

[Victoria'smom]

Go to gp . then call every morning to see if there's a cancelation.

[~Christina]

I know you don't want IP. I understand.... but if your tumbling so hard and fast and suicidal? then you NEED to keep safe ... even if that means an IP stay... As for financial aspects? Well, you pay what you can each month on your bill.. 5.00 -10.00 a month Thats less than one trip to McDonalds a month.. That is doable.

Shove your concerns about an IP bill to the side and put your husband and child front and center and you will see what matters the most.

Going IP will allow your get a much faster appt with a Pdoc.

Stay safe

Ps I just read your post about the drinking and benzo's .. Yeah you NEED IP. You didn't just take one extra pill.. You do realize lots of people have died drinking and taking benzo meds.... right?

[raspberrytorte]

Yeah. Maybe that's why I'm doing it.

[raspberrytorte]

Or not. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. The new pdoc's office called and left a message, something about my appointment in july and that I should call them back. So, I'm calling them back tomorrow, and I'm going to emphasize that I NEED to see someone immediately, especially if it's to cancel that appointment and move it to a later date or something.

I just have to attempt to focus, and I will be fine.

[raspberrytorte]

Oh, and I can't go IP because I can't miss work. I already missed two weeks in january from that stay.

[Crazy Hitch]

Glad you managed to leave a message with your pdoc's office

You said you need to see someone immediately ... will speaking to someone on one of the Support Lines I linked you with there from PsychCentral maybe help, just for tonight, so you don't have to go the rest of the night feeling this awful?

[Crazy Hitch]

I understand your concerns about missing work.

Remember though it's your own mental health above and before anything else that you need to do, as hard as it is.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

but it was really pretty, green and yellow and red, and it was in this tiny little cage, and it was SAD. The thing was frickin depressed. Seriously. And it was shaking, like it was scared. I wanted to cry. If I was a bird, I'd be that bird. Seriously.

That's my great analogy.

Seriously.

I think your pretty like that bird , but unlike him you can open your cage and give yourself a chance for help , PLEASE take the advice offered here and reach out , crisis line, er , close friend , you really do not need to be alone , we love you here and will offer as much support as possible , but your there and you must decide you are worth it because you are , please reach , call , go , insist on getting help push shove demand you deserve no less than peace .... please don't give up until you get help ......

[raspberrytorte]

My husband is at band practice right now, but when he gets home we're going to have a serious IP talk. So we'll talk, figure something out, and he was watching me like a hawk while I took out my meds for tonight (he's holding them for me), so there won't be any benzo bingeing/drinking nonsense at least.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Have you been at your job at least a year? If you have you are legally entitled to 12 weeks of FMLA leave each year and they cannot fire you for taking that leave. It's just paperwork you and your dr/ (IP social worker) fill out.

[raspberrytorte]

I know. But it's not paid leave, and we need my income.

[raspberrytorte]

I've been at the same job ten years come august.

Pretty much, we need my income, I can't miss work, can't afford IP, and don't officially have a pdoc until july, unless that call was to let me know she can't take me on as a patient or something. It just sucks.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

You are feeling responsible for so much stuff. That's really hard. I remember when I was working many times feeling like "I can't fall apart now". I always had the money thing and also finding a substitute for my job was nearly impossible so I knew if I went off my patients suffered. That's the one thing being on SSDI does for me; less responsibility.

I hope that you can get treatment that you feel comfortable with very soon. You are putting so much stress on yourself to not be as sick as you maybe are. That is easy to do but never makes life easier.

[Crazy Hitch]

Rely on your husband's input too when he's home from band practice

I hope that the two of you work out a working solution that serves your mental health well in the long run.

[Iamalioness]

Raspberry, how are you doing today?

[~Christina]

Feeling any better?

[Soupe du jour]

Do call your GP. If they can't handle your situation maybe they could consider referring you to an Intensive Outpatient Program. If a job is what is preventing you from going to the hospital, sometimes IOP programs are held in the evening.

If it is between money and your well being you go for your well being. Sometimes money doesn't matter so much.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Hope you're doing well

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm in between doctors. My appointment with my new pdoc isn't until july sixteenth. I'm very unstable and suicidal. In patient is out of the question.

What should I do?!

I don't know what to do!!! I don't have anyone to call! Should I call my GP? I think she'd just want to put me on an antidepressant or something, or tell me she's not comfortable prescribing me anything.

I've never been this depressed before. It's like there's this huge weight on me. I feel like my bottom has fallen out (sorry, that sounds kind of weird), and I'm just falling down and down and down, and there's no end. My chest hurts.

We went to a nature preserve today, and in their building full of stuffed dead animals (really disturbing) there was this live exotic bird (It wasn't a parrot. It was some other kind of bird), but it was really pretty, green and yellow and red, and it was in this tiny little cage, and it was SAD. The thing was frickin depressed. Seriously. And it was shaking, like it was scared. I wanted to cry. If I was a bird, I'd be that bird. Seriously.

That's my great analogy.

Seriously.

I just want to send you hugs and let you know I understand how you feel. I am so sorry for you and wish I could do more. It's too bad you can't go IP. I need to go IP as well and I know my pdoc will suggest it but I am not certain for the same reason. I am not entirely convinced it is even possible. Anyway, all of my love to you sweet heart.

[raspberrytorte]

I'd weaned off seroquel, but this depression is ********, so I started taking my full dose again last night (supposed to be taking 200mg). I hope it helps.

I hate it because it was making me fat, but honestly, after these last few weeks, I'd rather be a fat happy person, then a depressed thin person. Lol! And when I see new pdoc I'll tell her I want off it and have her put me on something else.

Sorry for being such a mess everyone.

[raspberrytorte]

Well, and another 100mg prn, depending, which for awhile I was breaking in half and taking 50mg if I was having a paranoia freak out at work.

Okay, I'll stop talking about seroquel. Lol. ****ing seroquel!