Experiencing Psychic Delusion.

Delusion

I have been manic recently, as my posts attest to.

3 Days ago while on psychcentral, saw the computer distort, and someone sent a thought to me using the computer connection, and I have been hearing their thoughts, conversations - partial sentences ever since. My own person is sharing my head with another, so the me part feels groggy, and under. the they part seems to have a gender and living situation, and approx. age I won't type here, but can identify.

This is what the shrinks call delusion. This is what I thought was real all those decades of not being treated.

I don't know what is real. I did take a prn, although it feels like my medication isn't from the same place in my head. The thoughts from the other are under the med place. And the med place is kind of like a cork over it.

Anyway, posted this for anyone doesn't understand, or wants to know they are not alone. the me part is still here, but the delusion of this happening part is about 70% around me. My memory is terribly effected. Short term. I keep forgetting stuff within a 5 second gap. I feel really foggy, groggy, buzzed.

I will be safe. Husband is here, and I don't have to go anywhere or do anything.

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Best of luck to us all.

That was extremely interesting. The cork thing. Wow. Hoping you are ok!

I hate how specific I always need to be.

Cork sounded better then man-hole cover, those steel round ones on the streets. It really feels like a man-hole cover. because the thing underneath is flowing, not like a bottle. But like its a part of my spirit, and connected to the through-out of me.

But cork sounded better.

---i'm going to sleep, maybe when I wake up I will have more control over the me part.---

hugs...........take care of you!

This is a really interesting description of your experience. This may or may not be similar but I sometimes feel like there is an insurmountable force that wants to be translated through me, as though I am a channel or something. It is not something I can properly put into words but I would describe it as spirit or pure energy. I really have no idea how to describe it but your experience reminded me of my own.

"The med place is a cork to cover it"...this is a really good way to describe it.

I hope you get to feeling well soon.

I've felt that way Imah. You're going to be okay. Can you see your pdoc soon? Take deep breaths and keep grounding.

In previous delusional episodes, I referred to myself as a "god module" and made very detailed drawings explaining how the entire thing works, though I only ever shared these things with one very close friend I had at the time back then. It wasn't even so much that I "believed", but rather I felt it, very strongly, that some of us are like portals, hosts - some sort of module of a dissipated higher being, and that we are here to observe, record - to serve as windows for this higher power, to look through and observe the human experience. I also had a feeling that there was some sort of analysis, perhaps some sort of judgement, involved.

But I was mostly just blown away and in awe that I had managed to "turn around" and "look behind myself" and see that it was connected to me, peering through me, and I felt that it was mildly amused to notice that I had noticed it.

I have seen more than a handful of people with BP describe the experience of being/feeling connected to something larger like that. It's very interesting.

Thank you for sharing Imah. I won't tell you it's not real. I have never had anyone send me thoughts. I've had people read my thoughts. But lately, I hear voices that seem to most often come from electromagnetic frequencies. I hear a freaking transistor radio coming out of my daughter's sound machine. I have a woman that speaks to me from my computer. The one time I reacted to her, she responded to me with an innocent "what?" Gives me the freaking chills. I hear a grand symphonic orchestra playing from the radio that I check numerous times to ensure has been turned off. And, I hear people giggling at me. It is very, very difficult not to accept these things as reality. I am not manic, I am depressed rather. I understand to some degree what you are going through.

Also, lately, I have felt uncontrollably compelled to lay my hands on folks to pray for them. Now I recognize that this is a delusion. Before I had an awareness, however, I did lay my hands on folks and pray for them. I believed if I did this, they would be healed and, if I didn't do this, I would be responsible for whatever passes on them. I still believe this but part of me (and only part of me) knows it is false. This is happening at the same time I am questioning the existence of God (only because of this episode, mind you). Self awareness CAN sometimes prevent you from "looking" so crazy but it does a hell of a little for confusion and self doubt. Reality testing just doesn't always work and, for me, the PRN is too sedating. I can only take it if my husband is home. I'm supposed to start splitting it in half though so we shall see.

These delusions are unfortunately and terribly common in Bipolar Disorder, they cause such disorder in our lives. I think Bipolar Disorder in general can be baffling to the public and even to us. Thank you for shining light on your delusions and how you can still be in touch while experiencing them. It helps to see it in real life. Thank you also for sharing a snapshot of your story. Yours is a beautiful, colorful story!

My biggest psychotic break is different than but consistant with exactly this.

I've freaked out a lot of people when I'm in that state. I would read tarot cards. I once freaked out one guy so much about his past he didn't want to know his future. Another time I seriously believed this guy, a stranger in a bar was going to die if he didn't go home right then and there. Apparently I come across as very sincere and it scares the crap out of people. I scare the crap out of friends too so I lose a lot of them, when I'm back to normal they think it was hilarious as long as it wasn't them and tell me about what I said to people, but then they decide it's too scary and leave. Since at the time I do believe I'm capable of understanding and interpreting the past and the future I probably do come across as scary and sincere.

To everyone: Thank you for your care, your support and comments. Affirms my experiences are shared, and my existance is okay.

To specific people:
@ Lunaticfringe- You describe what has happened to me for over 35 years. An insurmountable force suddenly makes me notice a person, or an object. People I become obsessed with when I get this connection- things,like clouds - trees, animals - psychic awarenesses I focus in on trying to take in with spirit whatever the message is and conduct it along the path as seems natural.

@Copper Star- I think many of us would love being able to see that, and in my case - to look for the correlation, as I have tried to explain to people what the god spirit is, and how people are connected, and the balance of life. In my case, the description word I use is conduit.

@Cash. I have previously determined that some of us might be recieves, and others transmitters, and yet others can do both. I receive unwillingly, I transmit only with great effort.

@sidestepper: Had my tarots stolen in hs because the person thought the power was the cards, it was me. Could clearly center in on people and 'feel' their energy when young, until I did it to someone who - idk how the heck she knew. But she said she was a witch, I was practicing black magic and if I didnt stop she and her coven would make me. Took me 4 years to break the weird shield she put on me. I have seen in public people who called for my aid spiritually. I have messed up guys by on purpose wearing the same color as they day after day because of tuning in. I loved that part of me, and yet also know I personally did some bad karmic things in trying to control (guys) into loving me. My abilities are greatly reduced - by god, or time, or my own mental break idk. but be careful that you don't harm yourself. Keep kind.

I want us to explore these delusions so much more. This group is the best thing that ever happened to me as far as coming to understand the experiences that we share, that the normies don't get.

Best of luck to us all.

Edit- Its hours later, I googled: Delusions Psychic connection and bipolar came up immediately and I didn't add the word. My theory is old news. Interesting, I'm going to read more - just wanted to share.