What did bipolar take from you?

I was out with my kids trick-or-treating last night and I was thinking next year is the last year my son will trick-or-treat. It started me thinking about all those good years bipolar stole from me and my family. I lost 8 years of my children's lives and almost lost the love of my life. Years I will never get back! It left me without friends and deep in debt. As far as I'm concerned this illness can go **** itself! What have you lost to bipolar?

Happiness

I got pregnant at 19 while hypo. Much younger than I wanted children. I had to give up all the things I wanted to do. Worst is that my son's father is not someone I would have spent time around if I was in a normal mood. He was a drug addict and had warrants. I feel terrible that my son has not had a father his whole life It left me with a mountain of debt. I can't afford to do stuff I'd love to do with my son. It's all my fault. I feel like I've lost precious time with him when depressed. My anxiety has kept me from meeting a man. So not even a step dad for him. This is not the life I wanted to give my child at all.

Friends. Especially during high school. No one really understood why I was so cold and distant during some weeks, and then equally over-excited/friendly the next. Or why I kept disappearing for weeks at a time. I also made some very potentially dangerous decisions that still bother me extensively when I think about them. I wish I could turn back the clock and do it over..but I know I may still have ended up making impulsive decisions. There really is no use worrying about the past. We all need to keep moving forward and be the best we can be in the present day.

It's good to talk about it though. Get it off our chests so to speak.

It cost me a lifetime of fear & isolation. It took my family and friends away from me. It took all money.

But in the end it took most of what I am.

I have been thinking a lot lately of how it has stolen time away from me that I could have been being a better mom. I look at some of the poor habits that my child has picked up. Some of the things that I should have taught him when he was younger that he does not know. He's thirteen now and I feel like I have a lot of work to do.

Honestly I feel like in the end bipolar took things from me that were convenient or luxurious, but not things I really needed. Maybe that boils down to me coping with it all and coming to terms, though. Like for example it cost me a decent paying job, because I had a psychotic break and and had to drop out of college, never finished, and then could never afford to go back. So now I will probably only ever work low-wage jobs. However, I feel that I can be satisfied with a low-wage job. But again maybe it boils down to me feeling like I have to make the choice to either feel upset over what I lost, or try to be content with what I do have. And I think maybe for my own sanity and health, I have to try to be content. Not that I didn't spend my fair share of time wallowing in self-pity lol, but it was just a dead-end and exhausting.

I think I have a more forgiving attitude towards my disorder because in some ways I think it saved me. I went through so much trauma and became so numb and disassociated early in life. My depressive episodes allowed me to cry over things that I couldn't cry about when I needed to. My high episodes allowed some of my 'true self' to come through whereas normally anxiety and detachment would have kept me subdued. So in some ways I see it a bit like a trade. BP cost me things like money and jobs and superficial friendships, but it also helped me grow and process and in some cases I think survive.

Bipolar has taken a lot of things from me, including a livelihood and my home. But at 59 I'm finally correctly diagnosed, on the meds, and learning to be stable. I try not to think about what I've lost with bipolar, and try to be grateful for the chance to start again.

It's good you are all staying positive! Copper, have you looked into Pell Grants? It helped me pay for college.

On the positive note, I will say it allowed me to meet all of you kind-hearted and strong-willed people.

Stability
Long lasting Friends
Ability to keep jobs
Time with my daughter, although we have a good relationship and I'm very grateful for that.

I agree 100%. I didn't mean that we should bottle it all up inside, but rather accept what has happened to us in the past and use it as a means to move forward.

Lost my education, dream job, larger family, sometimes my whole life.

My job and my ability to make a living. My happiness.

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Years....of understanding myself.

Yet, I see some incredibly gifted & talented BP people.
We love deeper, laugh harder, hurt intensely.
We "feel" more deeply than normies.

Sometimes, I think I'd rather be myself with all my psychoses than like people who are flatlined.

That's just me. I guess I'm embracing who I am.
Love to all.

with CycloMary

A "normal" life....but then again, I was destined to be this messed up with or without bipolar :/

My confidence. Until recently I haven't looked into starting my career because I will fail over the uncertainty of stability. I'm still married, but haven't been the best wife either. Also, I'm choosing not to have children due to this illness, a really big one for me and my husband.

My career, my home, and the lifestyle to which I had become accustomed. I miss those things. But the lower-stress life I have now has been better for my mental health, so there are some tradeoffs.

My identity. I had a lucrative career that was my life. And now, three years later l'm still struggling with who I am and what purpose in life I have now.

I also lost a lot of parenting time, but I didn't lose my child. Nor have I lost my spouse, my home, or our stuff. So, in that sense I'm fortunate and grateful.

Friendships. I've lost so many friends from mood swings and irrtitability. I'm down to just a few real friends.

Sanity is the biggest thing BD has taken from me.

It has also taken calmness, sometimes courage, sometimes benignant, benevolense and unselfishness.

It has sometimes taken friendships and relationships and freightened my children and loved ones. It has made me terrified of life and terrified of endurance. It has made me meek and feeble. It has made me childlike at times and roaring at others. I despise it.

Oy, what a painful question! I lost the love and respect of my first husband just from being diagnosed with the disease, but I gained the lost and respect of my second husband. I lost thousands of dollars, but have enough money to pay my bills most of the time. I lost custody of my daughter, but gained custody of my daughter (same daughter) one year later......

.... basically, anything that I have lost through bipolar has been balanced by something that I have gained.

I lost my lifestyle. I went into significant debt. I've lost my ability to work. I lost anything rewarding about my life. I've apparently lost my daughter too. I have no friends. I basically lost my life.

My career of practicing law, my marriage (which ended up being a good thing he was abusive), financial security, having a residence of my own (live with stepdad), becoming a hermit, massive things. I'm in a great relationship with my boyfriend, a beautiful daughter that loves me and spending time with me, a great Pdoc. I accept it and do the best I can. I'm grateful to have SSDI.