[bbTofu]

When I'm on the depressive polar it seems as though I somewhat block and prevent anything that seems like an exit from this cycle, it seems like I suddenly feel better and have some energy flow, then I cut it off thinking 'nah it's impossible.. I wanted to die this morning.. I should be coming back to my comfort zone of darkness' - and then the energy shuts down and I get back to feeling helpless n stuff.

So, how much is in our 'mind' ? it seems like I don't let myself "out" of this depression.
I don't know.. I'm about to discuss taking medications tomorrow with my therapist, maybe I don't need to.. I'm confused to hell.

[Mountainbard]

I think when we really learn how to "do" depression we get stuck in depressive habits which can make it even harder to emerge from it. I hope you have a good discussion with your therapist. For me medications have been my salvation. I still have work to do on myself but I'm stable enough to know that and be willing to do it.

[CopperStar]

My theory is that with normal emotions, we have to process them. When a neurotypical person is sad, they are more likely to be attracted to sad music than to happy/energetic music. They are more likely to want to stay home and have some downtime than go out to a party. Etc. They have to process the emotion.

However with mood disorders, the brain just keeps generating the emotion and physiological effects, regardless of outside circumstance or stimulation. So I think what happens is that we instinctively try to process it, but we can't. So we could end up sitting at home and listening to sad songs for two months.

This doesn't mean that we keep ourselves in depression, though. It means that we struggle to get out of it via processing, but can't.

[Unrigged64072835]

While I can alleviate some of the depression with coping skills, it's still a matter of the brain being unbalanced. I can't make the depression go away but at least I can manage it. I tend to do that a lot.

This is really an interesting queston. For over a month now I've been so low I hurt myself as a distraction. Then today, something as simple as a gift and I am swinging the opposite direction. I have been restless and giddy all day. And, well, something I've been missing for months, HAPPY.

How much of this was controllable? Perhaps happiness is to some extent under our control.

But, loss of hope is not. And THAT is the source of Depression

[gina_re]

That is so me! When I was depressed earlier this summer, when I would kind of feel better I would think to myself that "this isn't right, I don't deserve to be happy, I have to stay miserable". I don't know why that's where my mind doing goes, but it's how I think when depressed. Which in the long run makes it harder for me to get better, I'm assuming. I really owe my being able to get out of to my medication.

[bbTofu]

I tried to do stuff that might make me happy, and I was happier while doing them, thinking that might be my exit of this dark tunnel. Then I get sleep, wake up, to feel doomed again.

I can't take it out of my head that to some large extent, I'm making this worse by not letting myself free out of it.

@gina_re - this is so accurate, I remember moments where my mood elevated a bit just to have me think "Oh.. I'll probably feel **** again very soon, I can't feel good for too long.." which brings me down almost instantly.

I'm so afraid of going on medications... I can't even tell what's my mood at the moment.

Ever happen to u that u're confused and don't know how exactly to define your current mental state?

[sui generis]

Idk man. I'm in a really bad episode right now and I'm doing everything I am able to to get out of it and nothing is helping. Granted I'd probably be worse if I didn't try and it does give me some self esteem knowing I am trying. One thing that does lift my mood is socialising probably because I'm an extrovert. However I can't do it for as long as I used to and need more alone time because I get so exhausted. I think I need to up my lithium or something *sigh* or it might be one of those things where I have to wait it out. I wish I had more control over this because rn I feel like I'm walking through wet concrete and my brain is full of cotton wool lol sorry for the rant I don't think I've answered your question!

As for not knowing how to define my mood state this almost always happens at the beginning, mostly because I don't want to admit something is wrong and I tend to get physical symptoms first.

[jacky8807]

I can't control the actual cycles but I do believe that when depression comes we are so use to the depressive ways and our brain is wired at this point into depressive ways that we fall into the black hole pretty fast

[Eventhorizon70]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

While I can alleviate some of the depression with coping skills, it's still a matter of the brain being unbalanced. I can't make the depression go away but at least I can manage it. I tend to do that a lot.

This is what i have come to conclude. You can come up with coping techniques and they can help. The depressive state though will run its course for me unless i am on meds. With meds the ride and depression subsides. With out meds i would sink to the lowest lows and is something i dread going through. Coping techniques then will just allow me to barely keep my job.
The belittling thoughts, apathy and low self motivation remain until i cycle. Which can be as little as weeks or more lengthy.

Ideally, for me, with good techniques and medication I can make it through a depressive state with minimal problems. It is just how long it takes me to actually realize that my life is being affected by a down turn in my mood to get myself to Pdoc quickly.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by bbTofu

I tried to do stuff that might make me happy, and I was happier while doing them, thinking that might be my exit of this dark tunnel. Then I get sleep, wake up, to feel doomed again.

I can't take it out of my head that to some large extent, I'm making this worse by not letting myself free out of it.

@gina_re - this is so accurate, I remember moments where my mood elevated a bit just to have me think "Oh.. I'll probably feel **** again very soon, I can't feel good for too long.." which brings me down almost instantly.

I'm so afraid of going on medications... I can't even tell what's my mood at the moment.

Ever happen to u that u're confused and don't know how exactly to define your current mental state?

I wanted to feel better so badly that I gave the medication a try. For me it has helped. It's not a cure, but overall it helps me from falling in too deep. And yeah I do have those moments where I have no idea what my mood is and how I feel...sometimes I just feel numb.

This is what cbt is for. Medication will not help if you think yourself depressed

[bbTofu]

Saw the clinic's psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II today. Hurray! or nay?

I don't know how I got out from depression. It just happened in the course of recent few days/weeks.
She offered me some Xanax to relax because I was flying faster than ever, and of course I refused why would I slow down it's so incredible!

Anyways, she wants to put me on Lithium so I have to do some blood-check and ECG or sth....

Wohha.... so much happening.

[pjcjr77]

Originally Posted by bbTofu

When I'm on the depressive polar it seems as though I somewhat block and prevent anything that seems like an exit from this cycle, it seems like I suddenly feel better and have some energy flow, then I cut it off thinking 'nah it's impossible.. I wanted to die this morning.. I should be coming back to my comfort zone of darkness' - and then the energy shuts down and I get back to feeling helpless n stuff.

So, how much is in our 'mind' ? it seems like I don't let myself "out" of this depression.
I don't know.. I'm about to discuss taking medications tomorrow with my therapist, maybe I don't need to.. I'm confused to hell.

At least for me, depression almost turns into a place of comfort. It's such a normal familiar feeling. Its the weirdest part of being on Lamictal for me, as is kind of strips away the very low times. I'll fall but not as far. I think at times its sort of distressing to my brain. Obviously, its a good thing to not fall so quickly, so fast and so deeply.

I'm probably just weird.

Sent from my XT1093 using Tapatalk

[bbTofu]

If I understand correctly I can relate to this, it's a place of comfort while I'm depressed, getting out of it seems way too hard and demanding and impossible, so why bother and waste precious energies.

What the Lamictal does for u ? is it an antidepressant or mood stabilizer ?

** Does it happen to you guys that while you're on hypomanic cycle, u feel kinda exhausted but still vital ? as though u go down from 7-8 on mood scale to 5-6 but only because feel bit tired and then go back to 7-8 ?

kinda hard to explain myself here..