"STABILITY" before/after stories

Hi

Newly diagnosed after a life of wondering what's wrong? Stability is something I lacked, even though I have had the same career a very long time. It's a career that almost invites a bp, even though it's the worst job for a bp, as I don't sleep regularly ever. It's a shift type job. Where I stay up night's at times.

Did AA on/off a number of times. 8 years was the max. Still showed symptoms of mania and depression and chaos even though I did exercised, ate right, stayed sober and kept the stress low.

The Drs even knew my Mom was a diagnosed manic-depressive(as they called it in her day) they never put it together, even one dr asked if I was a "cutter", to which I was not? They also prescribed me Wellbutrin for PMS, which had me manic for a decade.

Now, I'm diagnosed bp and I feel correctly.
Medicated on low doses - 150mg lithium and 50mg topomax. I'm very med sensitive.

I'm going to remain alcohol free - only 10 days now. The meds have released the craving for alcohol at this time.

I will incorporate SMARTrecovery.org - a self-management recovery support group. They have online and face to face meetings.

I will make healthy friends. Set realistic goals, hobbies.

Any success stories with medicine? relationships? jobs? stability?

Thanks

Stability? What's that? Lol. I've been unstable for going on a year now.

I'm doing pretty good on my current meds. I did start drinking too much but blamed it on the holidays. Now I stopped drinking but I notice I don't sleep as well as when I had a few cocktails.
I just think it's not a healthy habit. Both my parents and my step dad were full blown alcoholics.

I was stable for 4 months or so a short while back and that was the first time in 7 years (since I got the diagnosis). Now I'm rebounding from a mania with a nice solid depression. The stability was nice though. No bad thoughts racing through my head. No self loathing. No guilt. I wasn't exactly thriving, but I was doing just okay. And to me that's pretty good.

I guess I'm still okay because I'm used to how I feel. I've spent most of my adult life in this state. It's comfortable, as painful as it is. But I'd still rather have stability. I definitely self medicated with alcohol for years, and I'm trying to get that cleaned up. Hopefully getting all of my addictions in check will help lead toward stability again. We'll see.

Good luck staying sober. Message me if you need support with that. I'm new to the sobriety game too, so we can do this together if you'd like. (I've quit before, but it didn't take.)

Raspberry,
You wrote "whats that" to stability? lol That's why I brought this up. I was at my shrink's the other day and she said "Let's aim for stability" and I grabbed a pen and had to write the word down...like a light bulb went off and realized that was the missing link. Wow. That's scary. Outside worls must have seen it all these years. I somehow manage to stay above water, just above water, I was sinking rapidly. But that can't go on anymore. TIme for some better floating devices and more oxygen.

Thanks for your honesty and hang n there

Ocean Swimmer,

Alcohol makes all my symptoms 100% worse..I do love it and when medicated I try n have one here n there, cuz I can stop after one and don't binge. But it's not smart for me to do that. I stopped meds after a month on them and had a full blown binge with ambien. Not so good. Could have cost me my job. That's when I went back to the meds and stoppped the alcohol.

I don't like AA, but alcoholism also runs in my fam. I will attend the Smartrecovery.org meetings online for now and maybe find a group therapy or something in my town. I think alcohol is dangerous for me. It really scares me. The consequences.

All the best to you in Costa Rica. Pura Vida ! I love that place

Hi

Thanks for your reply.

I wonder what the magic potion is here, if there is one?

I know I'm like 90% better sober/low stress/no unhealthy relationships/exercising/eating right...I'm hoping the other 20 % is the meds and just trying to live life positive and grateful. Also I think being off the Wellbutrin this time will help, that stuff made me whack, I loved it, but didn;t know what it was doing to me.

Def stay in touch with me. How do we do that on here?

I think I'm starting to view stability in a different way now than what I used to.

I'm "stable" in the sense that I'm not into substance abuse, hold a job, not running myself further in debt, etc. My life is pretty stable despite emotional instability. Emotionally, it's a constant rollercoaster and anything but stable.

I think that's a good part of stability and then the emotional is another part of stability that you can strive for?

Congrats on being substance free, that is def a HUGE part of a stable life and building a foundation.

When I was sober for the 8 years, it was almost like I invited 'chaos', still wanting to keep the childhood drama going and going. I picked the worst people to date. Hoping for better emotional sobriety this time. Getting off the Wellbutrin will hopefully be helpful for me and staying sober. I need to learn to keep life simple, be grateful and live moment to moment.

Also the NOT running further into DEBT comment is huge and yes a big part of stability. Thanks

Scatterbrain nailed it for me. I'm ready and starting to work again. I can get out of bed I'm not manic or in the hospital and I'm trying to stay away from any alcohol as a tool to self medicate.
I have real hope. Not lack of from depression and anxiety and not the fake hypo|manic hope.
So I'm not 100% I want to get back to writing start photography get back to being a health food exercise junky get my **** in order
I'm hoping I can do this without an episode coming to mess with me
It's like doing the tango. Few steps forward one back

I'm right at a month of "stability" meaning I take my meds, go to work and keep my appointments. My pdoc wsnt s a year of stability... Continue as I am a no inpatients...last one was Oct and a bought of depression in Nov. One day at a time....

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Good job on your sobriety and plans for help! Stick with it and stay strong. I've had periods of stability and I'd say 2015 was one of my hardest times with instability. I was dependent on alcohol, started and stopped meds, lost a job because of it, went through detox, and then after I got sober I struggled hard and fell into one of my worst depressions because I didn't know how to cope with my emotions I felt without numbing it with alcohol. Then I got back on meds with a lot of trial and error. Tried wellbutrin, lamictal, (which both made me manic) and tons of other cocktails with no luck. I began rapid cycling so bad I couldn't even function. Then my pdoc put me on trileptal and that stopped my mood swings and cycling in its tracks. For the first time in a very long time I finally feel stable and great relief. I even started a new job last month! Now that I'm working , I'm also getting the best sleep I've had in ages. I've suffered with insomnia since I was a teen and still do take seroquel to sleep but now I'm sleeping through the night and falling asleep within ten minutes of hitting the pillow! I just hope that I stay this way! I do accept that I will probably depend on meds the rest of my life and chances are I will fall again but hopefully not for a very long time and not as hard! I want to say that night shift does suck so please make sure you are sleeping enough between shifts. I can't stress enough how important rest and mental health are. I never worked third shift and probably never will in fear of derailing but my bf does and he struggles often with exhaustion. So please take care of yourself and keep up the good work!

I'm pretty med sensitive as well; I only take two pills daily.

I am mentally stable for the most part, though I have had a few bouts of hypomania since we dropped my Abilify from 10mg to 7.5mg. I meet with my pdoc next month; I think we're going to have to go back up to 10mg because the last time I was hypo I threw caution to the wind and stopped taking my medication.

I am not, however, stable in life. I mean, it could be worse, but it's just not where it should be.

Something I had saved... made me chuckle.

^^ That's effing great! ^^