Why are you depressed?

I've noticed with this latest depressive episode, my mind goes in circles about the same thing. How I hate myself and nobody likes me. Although I know this is not the case, I've yet to able to be on the other side to believe what people tell me. Does this happen to anyone? In the sense that your depression is focused on one aspect of yourself, or is it more situational?

Do you find yourself digging for reasons why no one likes you? Even though it's not true.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

I believe my depression is my survival instinct shut off. My mind, noticing the lack of desire to live searches for answers and begins with what a piece of shet I am, and all the things I did wrong in life.

But the depression happens FIRST for no reason. The automatic response to wonder why I think is just the brain searching for answers. Why always starts with self.

I don't look for reasons. I just feel like it's a fact, even though in reality I know it's not. There isn't a reason for anyone to, but my self-esteem needs major work. Which is why I'm working on finding a therapist, but finding a difficult being able to. My insurance isn't helping with that.

Don't we all ...

That doesn't cause my depression, but when I am depressed I think I am bad and unlovable.

Absolutely the lies we tell ourselves when we are depressed are strong and powerful. For me they come from a background of emotional abuse as a child. my t and I are working on me having the same compassion for myself I would have on others. It isn't easy, it's hard work, but I have hope I can one day see the positive side of myself.

One thing I find comforting -- writing affirmations.
I have 5 in my bathroom and I read them while I'm in there.
Like, Love is powerful, my love-your love. I am beautiful as I am. Everyone loves me.
I think of my tasks already complete. It's a good way to relax my mind.
I read affirmations 10-20 times a day.

I think you may be on to something here! It does make sense that when the chemicals in our brains get messed up and cause depression to set in, that our minds start looking for answers as to WHY were depressed. I know that I do this sometimes, hoping that if I find a REASON for it, I may be able to do something to change it. Unfortunately though, all I end up doing is frustrating myself even more, because it's not something within my control, which leads to more self-hate for being this way.

The depression usually happens first for me for no reason. Well, a lot of time I think it's triggered by stress and anxiety. Depression then causes me to see absolutely nothing good in myself, and I search for reasons why everyone would be better off without me. I just stew over it all day. Bah depression sucks.

Exactly. It doesn't cause it, but once I'm there it's what I'm fixated on.

I fixate on things too when I'm depressed.

Like right now I feel like I'm a big drain on my family and they'd be better off without me.

my korea fetish was lifting me out of depression ... I became totally "fixated" on it ... as the new is wearing off ... I seem to be slipping back ...

Me too. Even if the depression is chemically based I get all the negative self-talk that I received from my abusers. Having compassion for yourself is the best, though. I find that feeling compassionate when I'm depressed makes it easier to manage my self-care.

For me I was not born depressed. I was born fine.
But they had wanted a boy. My crime. I was a girl, a disappointment.
Another girl

So all my life mother told me 'If it wasn't for you we'd be fine'
Everything was my fault. How I hated myself, ashamed, embarrassed, how useless I was!
Oh. I wanted to disappear and I tried so hard to do just that.
I was silent.

I tried so hard to please. But I never could.

Is it chemical based. Yes I think so, all those years of rejection, no affection, fearful, treading on eggshells, causes fear, fear of pretty much everything. A hightened 'flight or fight' response.

In my case I believe mother caused my OCD, social phobia, panic attacks and crippling depression.
Yup. It's all her fault. Because of her I will never be the person I should have been.

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Depression just hits me. It's not the result of some outside influence. Just part of the cycle.

**trigger**

When it hits I become self loathing and have a overwhelming urge to kill myself. It's a struggle not to follow through with it. I keep thinking maybe something will happen to take care of that for me. It's so f****d up that a disease like this would give someone the urge to take their own life.

It's almost every aspect of myself and situations (2nd brother died in Sep, both brothers died young of heart attacks) and it's really hitting me hard all of a sudden. I'm on the outs with my mom too, so I just feel alone (even though I have my DH and son). We moved to a new city about 3 years ago and I still haven't made any close friends, just acquaintances and that's just due to having to meet my son's friend's parents. I feel like a burden. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be a career gal who was dressed to the nines and was much thinner (prior to all these meds) and now I barely ever put on makeup and I'm 40lbs heavier than when I moved here. Sorry for the rant.

Mine goes back and forth. Sometimes, like when depression 'just happens', I tend to feel like I'm a freakin' loser who will never amount to anything which then leads to suicidal thinking.

On the other hand, when depression is triggered by something, for example my alcohol withdrawals back in 2007, I tend to focus on the cause of the depression. In this example the self-hatred was caused by ruminating on my actions the last few years and how my drinking had ruined my life.

In my view of myself my depression is caused by inherited vulnerability, traumatic experiences, too much responsibility over a long stressful period (exhausted) and what has become my thinking style (how I interpret "things").

Yes, when I get depressed I think I hate myself, nobody likes me, and I don't fit in anywhere. None of which is true. When I'm alright, I don't feel it, except for I don't fit in anywhere (always felt that). I am triggered by extreme difficulties with the relationship with the two people closest to me. I am really pretty OK with everything else, except I tend to drop out of things a lot. It's like I am so terrifically capable and brilliant and then I freak out and can't continue. I'm not sure if that's depression related though.

I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD and I think I have ADHD and was told I have traits of BPD.

I don't know why. I just can't shake it.

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