[LorrieTorrie]

I've finally decided to accept my diagnosis and move forward. I tried looking at other possible options, but none fit the way bipolar disorder does, especially when looking back at my history. I'd like to know how some of you finally came to term with the diagnosis, stopped fighting, and just started the process of acceptance. I know I won't fully recover without acceptance and I seem to be stuck there.

[gina_re]

I read as much as I could about it and the pieces started to fall into place. And since the medication actually helped me at that time, I figured that the diagnosis was true.

[BlueInanna]

Hard question for me to answer. I'm honestly not positive I've accepted it. But there is sure something going on with me that fits the dx according to doctors. And the current meds are actually helping this time. So I'm ok with it for now. I know myself well enough though to know I may change my mind in the future about it. I'm pretty open minded to new discoveries that may happen in medicine or in myself.
Not sure if that helps any. I think it's gotta be a very personal process. But support here together is really nice.

[LacunaCoiler]

It's kind of odd really, I just woke up one morning and decided to follow all of my doc's orders. I took my pills regularly, didn't skip a does (on occasions I'll forget a dose still), and called to set up a therapy appointment. I dunno what made the change but one morning I just woke up and stopped fighting it. The gf found it all rather odd since I fought it all for a good 3 years prior.

[seoultous]

When I was first diagnosed, my psychiatrist handed me the DSM and asked me if I fit the criteria for BP II. I couldn't deny it because I was seeing it in black and white and it related perfectly to me. Acceptance led to action and that meant meds and therapy. The biggest problem for me is living with the knowledge that BP is a chronic illness and it shows up unexpectedly.

I think therapy is useful in helping one accept BP and understand the nature of the disorder (which as you know varies from one person to the next). Therapists are good at educating about the illness and helping people come to terms with what the diagnosis means.

[Imah]

The lightbulb moment. "I would not have quit this job. All the excuses I made in my life, I can't pretend this is for the best".

My employment office told me I should see a Dr. before I looked for another job. My Dr. said he wouldn't prescibe me anything - I had to see a mental health specialist - then the road was ahead of me. I haven't looked back. I followed the bumby - cart ride over this crazy road that all the professionals said I needed, and here I am - on a smooth road now. Different then I would have ever chosen for myself, but it is actually the right road. I am finding contentment occasionally. I am having security in the professionals I can turn to. We live in a great country that helps people with mental illness, instead of ending up under some tree.

So - 28 years after I was first told I was bipolar, and living 28 years of a roller coaster life without help or treatment, I was ready to accept it. I couldn't pretend anymore. I mourn the lost years.

[Nammu]

Actually is was being here on PC that helped me accept it. So many good people here...I realized it really was OK to be BP. five yrs ago I was still insisting that the pdocs and Ts must have it wrong and really I just had MDD. I know, just MDD isn't just but that's how I saw it, being MDD was acceptable but BP meant crazy. I'm more stable now that I've been in years.

Thanks to everyone on the BP thread here at PC who ever shared the trials of being bipolar. I realized that, yeah others really have been though this and not just a few I'd met at the hospitals. People from all walks of life, with jobs without jobs, with partners and without, on meds and off meds. Thanks to this forum I was able to yes, I'm Bipolar.

[BipolaRNurse]

I didn't fully accept it until I was hospitalized. Up till then I'd been able to explain it to myself as an existential crisis that just wasn't resolving, but when I landed in a psych unit and was diagnosed bipolar 1, I couldn't lie to myself about it any longer. In a way it was a relief...everything I was going through (and putting my family through) suddenly made sense. Since then I've made peace with it and realized it's something that I'm going to have to fight for the rest of my days. But with good care, meds and therapy, I can cope with and even enjoy my life.

I accepted it no problem. It was hard to argue with 25 years of fits-to-a-tee and nothing-else-to-account-for-it evidence. It explained SO much. In fact I cried, because I finally had an answer and could do something about it. I'd been beating myself up all those years for never able to get it together and "control" myself.

[raspberrytorte]

I still haven't accepted in all honesty.

I still try to explain things away and have a tendency to want to blame everything on just my anxiety disorder.

My husband and I had a heated discussion about this last night in all honesty.

[wildflowerchild25]

It took me having a psychotic break that was not medication induced, just my own brain turning against me. Up until then I thought my problems were made up or exaggerated. But I couldn't deny being terrified to leave my house because I thought other people could read my mind. Since then any time I want to quit treatment I just remember the terror I felt. No denying that.

[SingDanceRunLife]

It's been almost 5 years and sometimes I feel like I haven't fully accepted it and I still live in the delusion that I can have a normal life. Most of the time I do okay with it, but it's not always easy.

I had been diagnosed as depressed for 20 yrs. I would go on and off antidepressants and the depression would return. I was probably hypomanic for years and didn't know it.

Then I had a few days of steroids for a medical problem and became manic. I saw a different p-doc and thought I had cyclothymia and she said nope- bipolar 1.

It was a relief. It explained so much. I have had all the symptoms of hypomania and mania for all of my adult life. I just didn't know what it meant.

It has taken a few years, but I accept it now.

[Avril01]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I still haven't accepted in all honesty.

I still try to explain things away and have a tendency to want to blame everything on just my anxiety disorder.

My husband and I had a heated discussion about this last night in all honesty.

Rasberrytorte. My husband argues with me about this. But he feel I am not BP so I makes me doubt I am. Bu I so fit the bill when I had a major manic episode. I'd love to chat with you about this if you would.

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[Avril01]

Did you get several opinions to help you accept your diagnosis? Did you just know? I know I had psychotic issues during my manic episode. I'm really trying to accept this.

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[1278]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

It's been almost 5 years and sometimes I feel like I haven't fully accepted it and I still live in the delusion that I can have a normal life. Most of the time I do okay with it, but it's not always easy.

I don't think I've fully accepted my diagnoses because I also think I can live a normal life, continue studying like nothing has changed that I haven't been in hospital 6 times in the last 2 years and that I'm still not stable and found the right combination of medication.

[Victoria'smom]

I fight it with every fiber in my body. Even after multiple psycotic brakes, hospitalizations and being on the extreme end of the spectrum. They're pretty Good here about reminding me of my history or telling me how to handle the psycotic situations I go through on pc. It took me years of therapy even to accept I needed help and I'll be part of the mental health system the rest of my life. It's because I'm the sainest person in my immediate family. So my first 3-4 years were spent trying to get me on an AP. These past 2 yrs have been spent learning how to reality check. Some days I'm like ok I'm BP other days I'll yell and scream until I'm blue in the face that I'm not. 5+ psychiatrist /psychologicalis can't be wrong, right?

[LorrieTorrie]

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. Hopefully one day I can reach full acceptance. Until then, it really helps to know I'm not alone.