[LorrieTorrie]

I just feel like my life has no meaning, and that it never will. I just look back at all the time I've wasted and it makes me want to cry. I've wasted so much of my life and I have nothing to show for it. I'm embarrassed, mortified and disgusted. I just want to change so bad. Why is this my life? I just want to disappear into a black hole. It just isn't fair. I stroll through Facebook and I see what everyone else has accomplished. It makes me hate myself.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi Lorrie.
I have a girlfriend that started a foundation for orphan animals.
I don't know if I've told you this before, but I became a foster mom for kittens. And feral cats with litters. It took my mind off of everything. I moved a bed into the pool house so some could sleep with me.
Then I'd keep some in cages and hook the mothers to the close line so they could run back and forth for exercise but not run off till I could tame them. The most kittens I had here at one time were 19!
Maybe you could be a foster mom. The foundation picks them up when they're ready to be adopted.
You are a child of the universe. We love you. That's an accomplishment.

[hopeless2015]

Big hugs, I understand how you are feeling I'm struggling with that myself right now. My therapist just reminded me to not be so hard on myself and look at what I have accomplished, even if it's just getting up and around for the day. Keep posting away those frustrations, it helps!!

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

[violetgreen]

I don't believe the self-congratulatory fluff I read on Facebook because it's mostly fiction anyways. I also learned to stop thought patterns that make me feel bad about myself, have to keep up on that, cuz the self-criticisms are persistent. I believe that we are human beings, not human doings. It sounds like you are in a period of searching for answers, maybe for purpose, and that can be a really exciting time.

My T always reminds me that the meaning I attach to what happens is just an interpretation. I can find an interpretation that helps me feel strong, or determined instead of victimized, disgusted, embarrassed, or whatnot. That works pretty well. I think you have a lot to offer, and are sharing that already.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

I just feel like my life has no meaning, and that it never will. I just look back at all the time I've wasted and it makes me want to cry. I've wasted so much of my life and I have nothing to show for it. I'm embarrassed, mortified and disgusted. I just want to change so bad. Why is this my life? I just want to disappear into a black hole. It just isn't fair. I stroll through Facebook and I see what everyone else has accomplished. It makes me hate myself.

This is the exact reason I had to get off of Facebook. I saw how accomplished everyone else one was and it frustrated me so much and I thought I was a loser for not doing anything with my life. It caused me a lot of anxiety. I had to cut the cord. But even when I did finally reach my goals and signed back on, I still felt like I was way behind everyone. So I deactivated my account again. Social media makes me anxious. I feel more confident about myself without it since I'm not comparing myself to someone I really haven't seen in years. Maybe take a break from it?

[raspberrytorte]

You're a mom, right Lorrie? Your life has plenty of meaning. Just look at your kids. You're their world.

[pirilin]

Lorrie,
Social media is the worst place to visit when we're depressed.
It's a very vain contest of showing off. Nobody posts failures or setbacks.
We need to worry about ourselves. Not about what others are or aren't doing.
Sometimes you can accomplish in six months what you couldn't in six years.

[LorrieTorrie]

Thanks everybody. I'm just feeling a bit down. I think taking a break from all social media might be a good idea. In the past few days I've seen two friends post amazing photos from around the world and it just broke my heart. Traveling is something I've always wanted to do and I just feel like I'll never get to do it. I bought a ticket to Germany once during mania, and when I came down I no longer wanted to go. I wasted $3,000 that I could never get back and that still bothers me. I should've just gone. Now I'm afraid to fly (after a bad flight) and have panic attacks when I even see a plane. I feel like I blew my chance.

[Ocean Swimmer]

No chance is ever blown Lorrie.
Your thoughts memory's and phobias go around like a loop around your head.
One day you'll go. I believe that.

[LorrieTorrie]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

No chance is ever blown Lorrie.
Your thoughts memory's and phobias go around like a loop around your head.
One day you'll go. I believe that.

Thank you. I really appreciate your positivity. I hope you're right. I would love to go on vacation with my family some day. I'd love to be able to make plans and stick to them. I keep telling myself to have hope, but it appears to be escaping me today.

[cmc3663]

I've wasted probably close to $10-15,000 and I feel guilty about that too becaus I've nothing to show for it. My kids definitely give me a sense of meaning but I wish I had something else too. I never finished my degree, I only work part time and I struggle to make real friendships. I understand how you're feeling and I wish j had advice, but I don't. I just try to keep myself busy and distracted from the emptiness and the loneliness. My main goal is trying to help my kids find meaning and a place in life so they won't grow up to struggle too.

[LorrieTorrie]

Originally Posted by cmc3663

I've wasted probably close to $10-15,000 and I feel guilty about that too becaus I've nothing to show for it. My kids definitely give me a sense of meaning but I wish I had something else too. I never finished my degree, I only work part time and I struggle to make real friendships. I understand how you're feeling and I wish j had advice, but I don't. I just try to keep myself busy and distracted from the emptiness and the loneliness. My main goal is trying to help my kids find meaning and a place in life so they won't grow up to struggle too.

In total I've wasted $31,000 and some change. That much money and NOTHING to show for it. I too want to pass better things on to my children. I was thinking about maybe doing some mommy and me classes. I'm hoping after being on the meds for a while I'll maybe be ready to go back to school this fall. I'd like to finish my degree too, if I can. I hope we both figure things out

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

I just feel like my life has no meaning, and that it never will. I just look back at all the time I've wasted and it makes me want to cry. I've wasted so much of my life and I have nothing to show for it. I'm embarrassed, mortified and disgusted. I just want to change so bad. Why is this my life? I just want to disappear into a black hole. It just isn't fair. I stroll through Facebook and I see what everyone else has accomplished. It makes me hate myself.

Expectations is really the most potent culprit when it comes to BP, it seems.

Try not to measure yourself by common standards. You won't ever meet them.

However, being you, being special, for better or for worse, you can achieve great things. Maybe just not the things others find relatively easy to achieve or in the ways that others achieve them. Don't rush yourself. Only if you give in and stop fight the depression by trying to meet expectations can the veil lift just enough for you re-organise your thoughts, make plans suited to your abilities (you have them: everyone has them) and slowly (!) work to follow your plan. Let no mania keep you from the course you set out. No distractions, focus! And you will find your way.

You just want to change too bad!

Certainly don't measure yourself by what people post on Facebook. It's mostly as deceptive as any "feel-good" manic episode.

[LorrieTorrie]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Expectations is really the most potent culprit when it comes to BP, it seems.

Try not to measure yourself by common standards. You won't ever meet them.

However, being you, being special, for better or for worse, you can achieve great things. Maybe just not the things others find relatively easy to achieve or in the ways that others achieve them. Don't rush yourself. Only if you give in and stop fight the depression by trying to meet expectations can the veil lift just enough for you re-organise your thoughts, make plans suited to your abilities (you have them: everyone has them) and slowly (!) work to follow your plan. Let no mania keep you from the course you set out. No distractions, focus! And you will find your way.

You just want to change too bad!

Certainly don't measure yourself by what people post on Facebook. It's mostly as deceptive as any "feel-good" manic episode.

Thank you! I really needed to hear this!