Originally Posted by gina_re

You're not disgusting, nor are you a loser. I too am the victim of the Paxil weight gain.

I believe Citalopram is the culprit in my own recent weight gain. Last fall I was at a healthy weight. At Christmas I was prescribed with that medication and almost immediately began gaining weight - despite my staying fairly active.

It frustrates me. My lifestyle hasn't changed; except, since I started Citalopram my relationship with food has deteriorated. I just can't seem to help it. And this despite the physical activity.

Yes this has really affected my view of my body image for the worst. I've really had to draw out my coping skills. I hate how I look and I'm constantly embarassed.

I have considered halting that medication. BUT, FOR THE FIRST TIME I AM REASONABLY STABLE. I'm not sure it's worth risking that just because I've gained some extra pounds.

today my replacement tori amos cd arived (the old one got scratched)

so i'm unwrapping it and get to opening the case- it was proving tough because of the packaging, so i thought i'd try open it from the inside to try and make it easier... what happened?

i lost my grip on it, it tumbled to the ground and the case broke open, and the cd fell out

well that lasted long in a new condition... i feel so stupid. oh well we all do it at times

apart from that not doing too bad

[zijax]

Trying to stay out of the hospital. Bad day. I'm want to die.

Feeling up, wired. One cup of coffee is too much for me right now. I need decaf. I want a tattoo. Finally decided what I want and might have an artist selected.

that was sort of me this morning, elsa

sitting on the sofa watching family guy with the knife in my hand- running it across my skin.

soon decided to turn the tv off and put on my music (loud as you like), and felt better for doing so

love my playlist

[SillyMom]

Originally Posted by zijax

Trying to stay out of the hospital. Bad day. I'm want to die.

I know how you feel. Stay and wait and see how you feel tomorrow. Hopefully that desire will be gone.

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[SillyMom]

Originally Posted by gina_re

You're not disgusting, nor are you a loser. I too am the victim of the Paxil weight gain. I didn't even notice it until I was 40lbs heavier because my gyno pointed it out to me. I still gained until I finally was able to switch my AD.
Even though you look and feel disgusting from the weight gain, I applaud you for making the effort to go to the gym and do something about it. I wish I had that motivation. Please keep it going.

I so wish your super kind words would help me see myself in others eyes. The black voice in my head continues to tell me I'm gross and not worth it, but each night I try to fight it and work out. I want my mind back so badly. I want my husband to love me again and not look at me like I'm some crazy pig

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[pirilin]

Boat left me stranded six or seven times in 140 degrees heat.
I never use the word hate and I'll stick to my thinking.
But how I DISLIKE that tub with engines.
The cause of 80% of my problems. Including the depression.
It's alive. I can hear her laugh. And it's out to get me.
AS soon as I get a hold of serious money, it will sleep with the fishes.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by SillyMom

I so wish your super kind words would help me see myself in others eyes. The black voice in my head continues to tell me I'm gross and not worth it, but each night I try to fight it and work out. I want my mind back so badly. I want my husband to love me again and not look at me like I'm some crazy pig

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I understand. It's not at all easy to take the super happy advice of others when you're so far down. It will take time. Take care of yourself, we're all here to support you.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I believe Citalopram is the culprit in my own recent weight gain. Last fall I was at a healthy weight. At Christmas I was prescribed with that medication and almost immediately began gaining weight - despite my staying fairly active.

It frustrates me. My lifestyle hasn't changed; except, since I started Citalopram my relationship with food has deteriorated. I just can't seem to help it. And this despite the physical activity.

Yes this has really affected my view of my body image for the worst. I've really had to draw out my coping skills. I hate how I look and I'm constantly embarassed.

I have considered halting that medication. BUT, FOR THE FIRST TIME I AM REASONABLY STABLE. I'm not sure it's worth risking that just because I've gained some extra pounds.

I totally get it! It felt like I had to make the decision to be fat and happy, or thin and miserable. I made the decision to be fat and happy, but that doesn't mean I'm happy with my body. It is disgusting. I avoid the mirror as much as I can because it reminds me of all the extra weight I am carrying around. I don't like clothes shopping anymore because it's harder to find the clothes I like. I can't even shop at my favorite stores anymore. Some of them I can, so I only run in and grab the largest size, pay for it and leave. I'll try them on in the comfort of my own home. If it fits, hooray! If not, well it has to go back. When I had to go to the Plus Size section of the department store for the first time....I was disappointed in myself. But when I was smaller, I didn't put much effort into maintaining my weight, so I'm not exactly groomed for the exercising and healthy eating life. Personally, in my head I'm smaller than I actually since I was that way for years. It's only when I have to buy clothes or look in full length mirrors that I'm disgusted. So I avoid both.
Whoa, that turned out to be a much needed rant. A bit cathartic as well..

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by SillyMom

I so wish your super kind words would help me see myself in others eyes. The black voice in my head continues to tell me I'm gross and not worth it, but each night I try to fight it and work out. I want my mind back so badly. I want my husband to love me again and not look at me like I'm some crazy pig

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It's also super easy for me to give advice than to take it, and believe it.

[Nammu]

Well.....went to the community clinic for my three month pdoc check up. My dr left, the one I saw today was great but she's leaving too!

The weight thing was on my mind but she wanted to focus on the not sleeping well and said anxiety is probably the problem, instead of cutting the AP she added trilental at night. Said if I sleep better it will be easier to lose weight. On the plus side I only gained 1 pound in 3months and my excercise is nil.

So all in all a half dozen of one thing and six of the other.

[gina_re]

If you're referring to Trileptal, it will knock you out and you will sleep. Good luck!

I don't know if it's the crappy weather outside, but I just don't feel like doing anything and would rather stay in bed. I've kind of been that way for a while now. My house is getting a little messy and I don't care. But I'm not really depressed, I feel fine and functional, I just can't get myself to do things like I should. What gives?
I've also been junk food crazy these days.

[Nammu]

Yup, that's the one, couldn't read the hand writing.

[Hopeful Camel]

Very sad this evening. I tried to lower my hours at work. Saw my doc and he ordered 8am to 1pm hours instead of 40 hour week. I was good with this, but my employer not so much. They told me that I have to work 40 hours to stay employed there. They sort of played a number on me. Told me that they would follow doctor's orders, but I have the same caseload, same appointment schedule, and would have to take new cases. I'm a case manager. So the upshot is I need to work 40 hours. I hate myself. My therapist told me I should not be working full time, but my spouse doesn't want to lose any income. I wish I could just get off this ride.

[Wander]

Not well. Agitation and depression eating me up. My T (who is trained in meds) suggested i increase my Lithium from 1000mg to 1250mg so I am trying that. He also suggested I take Olanzapine (Zyprexa) PRN to deal with the agitation. I want less meds not more, but I am drowning and suicidal so I am willing to give it a go. If things don't improve this week he suggested going IP. That scares me as I can't afford more time off work. So stressful. I just want to be better and enjoy life.

[Pikku Myy]

I don't know again how I fell. I think I am getting a bit off. Energy super high, no anxiety, watching the clock if it can catch up. Horrible... maybe a bit mixed.

I caught myself going weapons hot today. This cycle will crest and start slipping soon.

The Mikoyan MiG-29 Fulcrum:

Doing well.

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

Doing well.

[Hopeful Camel]

Just very sad today. Lots of tears and inertia. That is all.

[hopeless2015]

Had to really push myself to get out the door today...off tomorrow...don't know what my problem is today

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[lilypup]

Weird day. Cancelled a lunch date because I haven't seen the ppl in a while and feel I am too fat. Really depressing.

[Coconutzo]

Back on top! Back in the saddle! Saddles away! Up up we go!
Go get em tiger! Happy Thursday, say the bright green trees with their most fragrant leaves.
Good thing yesterday I wanted to die, and this in no way feels like a joke or an evil plan of some dictator or sorcerer or purveyor of psychiatric medications to take down the average though eccentric and colorful young ladies of America.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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[gina_re]

Just got back from my T....I've been crying ever since...