Do you think you're crazy? :D

Nammu · Mar 30, 2016, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

How is it more complicated, you think? I tend to oversimplify and assume too much (humbly, I hope), so I'm very much interested to know.

And when I talk about beliefs supporting you I mean really abstract, foundational/philosophical stuff.

Separating those from unhealthy and erroneous ideas can be difficult, but destroying an entire belief system to help you deal with unhealthy beliefs with negative consequences works very much counterproductive.

Just pointing out some flaws in your reasoning is great, but many things are based on assumptions nobody can disprove. Learning that things don't matter is far more important than changing beliefs. I belief I am being watched every time I go outside and when I am using the Internet and I am right. I just don't care (anymore and hopefully never again). Does it matter that you might think you are having a conversation with someone else in your mind. It takes up time and effort that might be better spend, but it is like on this forum: people can block you or just ignore you, as they may ignore you in real life. They may know stuff about you or they don't. It's the not caring that counts, not the believing.

Everything you can't shake and that is harmless is always better than losing all of your beliefs. Beliefs that you are watched, your thoughts are read or you can converse mentally/telepathically, just as examples, are based on deeper convictions you shouldn't want to part with: they keep you together. You can't just change a belief like you do a tyre, so treat them with respect.

Any clinician should do so too. Constantly saying it's just the illness is not helping if you don't believe it to be an illness. I dare to wager that the majority of people on here that say it is an illness don't truly believe it, or they wouldn't be so touchy about it.

That's it! I know I'm watched but I fight the importance of it. By saying it doesn't really matter I can function but I still know I'm watched. Is that crazy? I don't think so, it's my reality.

Mar 30, 2016, 04:18 PM

I see what you mean and relate. as far as being followed and what not, I've developed a "who cares" attitude and will even wave to them when they do it. When I was younger, I simply didn't acknowledge them because I felt something bad might happen if I do. They are just silly, until they are not. I think they are getting amped though and I believe the people I love are in danger. They never listen and won't this time. It's just complicated.

Icare dixit · Mar 30, 2016, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

That's it! I know I'm watched but I fight the importance of it. By saying it doesn't really matter I can function but I still know I'm watched. Is that crazy? I don't think so, it's my reality.

Exactly!

I believe each and every thing I gave as examples.

Do I keep believing it? Yes, actually I do. Does it consume me? Not anymore.

Mania can still be tricky. I do get psychotic quickly. But my mood stabiliser helps me beyond belief (but in a healthy way

).

Icare dixit · Mar 30, 2016, 04:38 PM

Ok, it always is complicated I guess.

Just make sure you talk about it openly and don't say no to antipsychotics (also a good filter in itself). Try to talk to someone who get debunk your ideas and analyse for yourself how things get delusional, based on deeper held beliefs. It's only the delusions that can hurt us. The rest (and only shortly held beliefs) is just noise. Can make things difficult for you personally, can make seeing things that are of consequence for difficult, but that's it.

Just talk. We've seen crazier. Who cares. Here and/or face-to-face with someone (maybe a therapist).

We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. You'd have to be: otherwise you wouldn't have come here.

As the great writer and linguist Lewis Carroll wrote.

Mar 30, 2016, 04:50 PM

I don't know about the pills but it's on the agenda if needed. Im good. Not much I can do. Nobody listens to warnings anyways. We all live our own path right? Can I make someone do something? Can people do that?

I think people here might get me, but sometimes when I read, it doesn't sound like we are dealing with the same stuff at all. But perhaps we all go through that.

ComfortablyNumb5 · Mar 30, 2016, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think we're all a little crazy!

But do you think you're crazy... even slightly?

I'm loony, short tempered, paranoid, on edge ect. Yes I'm a nut. And as far as the stigma about us goes, most of society here's "bipolar" and freaks out too. Like how people say "she just went bipolar on me!" I HATE when people us the term like that. Only us crazies can call us crazy! Lol

wiretwister · Mar 30, 2016, 06:46 PM

yes ... ...

Icare dixit · Mar 30, 2016, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I don't know about the pills but it's on the agenda if needed. Im good. Not much I can do. Nobody listens to warnings anyways. We all live our own path right? Can I make someone do something? Can people do that?

I think people here might get me, but sometimes when I read, it doesn't sound like we are dealing with the same stuff at all. But perhaps we all go through that.

Yes, I know what you mean: I am not your typical person with BP either (SZA/BP but still). In most support groups I relate with much of the mood instability stuff but I am always seen as "really crazy". To be honest, that breaks my heart.

I've never felt like people really understood me. I now have found friends that are all mad or borderline mad and I am better at expressing myself, but I used to keep myself mute because people wouldn't understand much or anything of what I said. That's still somewhat true, but I take in my stride. I hurts, breaks my heart, but I joke about it and move on.

However, what we do share is very precious. And those of us that are "really crazy" might learn to appreciate and accept it the most.

It's like with fiction: it can be very true while being untrue. Much like psychotic phenomena: they are but a crystallisation of a deep truth, they may be untrue, but the way they affect you is beyond any "normal" emotion. Fiction can do that, reality never can in quite the same way. But those feelings matter and those we share.

Unraveling that can set you free. Make you feel a part of a group of some of the most intelligent, wise and caring individual in existence and through the ages.

What we experience is essentially the same, particularly different. Language, alas, deals easiest with particulars. Even so, great works of fiction can touch you deep by mere words. It is not the words that have much value, but how it affects you does.

Hope that makes sense, but more importantly you feel what I am saying.

Icare dixit · Mar 30, 2016, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I'm loony, short tempered, paranoid, on edge ect. Yes I'm a nut. And as far as the stigma about us goes, most of society here's "bipolar" and freaks out too. Like how people say "she just went bipolar on me!" I HATE when people us the term like that. Only us crazies can call us crazy! Lol

Only in reference to oneself I hope.

Or to unite us, but never to divide us.

We are just insanely great. But maybe we are somewhat torn between those who really see themselves as "comfortably broken" as Miguel'smom so eloquently put it and those that see themselves as almost or completely normal except for those severe depressions and sometimes feeling really great.

It has made manic-depression more accepted, but it made people on the fringes maybe feel less accepted sometimes. I don't know, maybe not.

Just wanted to make something explicit which might be felt by others, but I am not sure whether it is true.

Icare dixit · 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I don't know about the pills but it's on the agenda if needed. Im good. Not much I can do. Nobody listens to warnings anyways. We all live our own path right? Can I make someone do something? Can people do that?

Lots is possible, not that much is likely to be. Our potential influence is worrisomely great, but maybe there is just this disbelief or strong shared believe that protects us.

The paths we take are drawn to each other, but we can only follow our own yes, I'd say. Not really change our own, much less those of others. Maybe not at all.

I sometimes get lots of anxiety from the belief that I can greatly influence the autonomous processes in my body, my heart mainly. This increases my heart rate, but I have real influence only within strict parameters, though I think I could potentially, in theory, make my heart stop using my mind.

It's just that the belief just isn't strong enough. Most aren't probably.

Do you understand what I mean? If not, no worries.

The pills do work, even/especially longterm/prophylactically. Your brain needs protection to re-organise. Our brains are naturally toxic.

Edit:
All brains are naturally toxic, ours only more so. Widens the parameters of what we perceive and the control we have, but only a little bit.

Crazy Hitch · Mar 30, 2016, 09:29 PM

My username says it all

Raindropvampire · Mar 30, 2016, 10:23 PM

yup by psychiatric definitions I'm batcrap crazy. However; my bipolar has nothing to do with me thinking that.

The crazy is chalked up to all the physical, mental, sexual and emotional abuse that was heaped on me from the age of three(could have been earlier but I don't really remember anything before three). I have a skewed world view, I'm paranoid and don't trust, I barely have a moral compass, I am so rational as to leave no room for emotion, my moods are almost like distinct personalities, I compartmentalize EVERYTHING and I have many abnormal beliefs. BUT if you are aware and make allowances for yourself and own the behavior can you really be crazy?

Icare dixit · Mar 31, 2016, 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

yup by psychiatric definitions I'm batcrap crazy. However; my bipolar has nothing to do with me thinking that.

The crazy is chalked up to all the physical, mental, sexual and emotional abuse that was heaped on me from the age of three(could have been earlier but I don't really remember anything before three). I have a skewed world view, I'm paranoid and don't trust, I barely have a moral compass, I am so rational as to leave no room for emotion, my moods are almost like distinct personalities, I compartmentalize EVERYTHING and I have many abnormal beliefs. BUT if you are aware and make allowances for yourself and own the behavior can you really be crazy?

I am sorry to hear what you went through.

Possible trigger:

It's unbelievable what people can do. Crazy might be hurting yourself, but hurting others, crazy, fully psychotic or emotionless, is just inexcusable and wicked whether you are in full control or not.

Then seeing your behaviour and any guilt as separate from your self/soul is not just unhealthy for oneself, but very (morally) toxic and corrupting for any other human soul, including victims.

Maybe it is because people can't hurt themselves enough for their sins or troubles (starting just with the latter, to give a cause to mental/emotiona problems) and they hurt others severely to feel some pain, causing some cyclic, severely corrupting process. I don't know.

Have you also be diagnosed with DID?

I think owning your behaviour, not allowing your self/soul to be torn or splintered (if I understand you correctly) is the most heavily thing you can do. You sound very wise, certainly for someone without a moral compass.

Better to be wary than naive. Better to have your own beliefs than naively believing what others say. Better to accept being damaged than to expect a full mental normalisation/reorganisation, to be normal and/or ill.

You don't sound crazy, if crazy is unwise. You sound very intelligent and wise.

I wish you all the best. You are loved!

notthisagain · Mar 31, 2016, 08:24 AM

I know sometimes that there is definitely something wrong, but I wouldn't say that I am crazy. All things considered, I think that I am more sane than a lot of people walking around out there without a diagnosis.

pirilin · Mar 31, 2016, 08:48 AM

Got my 1st mania symptom last night. Felt Great!!!. Only to go back to depression 10 minutes later. I wanna be crazy.

Raindropvampire · Apr 03, 2016, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Have you also be diagnosed with DID?

I think owning your behaviour, not allowing your self/soul to be torn or splintered (if I understand you correctly) is the most heavily thing you can do. You sound very wise, certainly for someone without a moral compass.

Better to be wary than naive. Better to have your own beliefs than naively believing what others say. Better to accept being damaged than to expect a full mental normalisation/reorganisation, to be normal and/or ill.

You don't sound crazy, if crazy is unwise. You sound very intelligent and wise.

I wish you all the best. You are loved!

Thank you for your kind words

Just recently I was diagnosed with some Dissociative Disorder NOS. Irony is I "zoned" out because I was uncomfortable and my ADD has been off the charts lately. She had me fill out an MMPI and I'm awaiting results so I will have something concrete to read and not just an opinion.

And I do have a moral compass it's just very skewed and small.

Possible trigger:

Like I know if I killed someone I wouldn't feel bad. Logically the world's overpopulated and murder is simply another form of population control

BUT I don't like being hurt so I won't hurt another person I don't even kill bugs if I can help it. I hate being lied to so I don't lie(unless I REALLY REALLY want something and it's required to manipulate the situation but I still won't tell a direct boldfaced lie I simply only highlight the facts that lead to me getting what I want) So I guess my moral compass is kinda the golden rule but skewed in my favor. If I don't/didn't like it being done to me then why would I inflict it on someone else? And I hate rudeness for rudeness's sake. what's it cost to just be respectful and polite?

But I guess from a doc's standpoint I'm crazy because I don't fit into(unless I act and I'm a superb actress) or have the "normal" values of most of society and I don't care that I don't.

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