[Manic Trance]

Work is insane, and my daughter has been sick, + we just got a friggin puppy. So my schedule is insane, I'm not getting anything done, and I stay up late trying to get caught up and don't sleep. I am a performer and an artist and a curator and work in night life a lot, and there is lots of partying and drinking and drugs (I don't really do hard drugs), but it's a weird vibe. I'm working on a variety of projects and it's insane, and everything feels crazy, and I feel like I don't know what is going on, like I can't tell how anything is going. I can't tell if I am a total loser, or like a brilliant genius, pinnacle of cool etc, like I cold be anywhere on that continuum, or something that is not even part of that. I just feel totally confused, like I am living from one minute to the next. I fly into rages, I have impulsively ended relationships, I'm arrogant and egotistical and then embarrassed and back pedaling. I am a ****ing mess! I feel like people are scared of me.

Not depressed yet but it is coming.

I don't take meds, I used to try to control things with diet, not drinking, exercise mediation, but now it's like I've given up. I just feel like I'll never feel safe, solid, sane. It's always gonna be manic highs, black and white manias, decline into depression, suicidal ideation and self hatred, and then boom! BACK!

I'm afraid and bored, tired of this.

Anything helps.

Haven't been on here in a while, how are y'all?
S

[MusicLover82]

There's a supplement that has helped me with my hypomania: Bee Pollen. The health food shop I go to swears by giving bee pollen as a natural treatment for bipolar. It's worth a try. Also, fish oil or flax oil is helpful for mood stabilizing (I once has a psychiatrist recommend it).

If that doesn't work, I would see a psychiatrist. I take meds and I probably will for life, and they have helped me be able to function to my best ability. I wouldn't give that up for anything.

((HUGS))

[Wander]

That sounds rough manic trance. Do you have a therapist to talk to? I find mine helps me get through the crazy highs and lows by giving me tools and support. I totally understand not wanting to be medicated and having to control things all the time. Unfortunately for me it all falls apart if I stop trying and let the illness take its course. What is causing you the most trouble right now? What can you do about it? Hope things turn for the better soon.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Being "up" is all fun until the anger and irritability start to show trough, on top of actually being up and awake for time and time. It sucks! And forget the come down! That's for the birds lol. Are you currently on meds? Whenever I wasn't medicated I was drinking myself to sleep on a daily basis. Now that I'm not drinking im trying to follow pdocs orders. I'm also a night owl so I can see how the nightlife can be appealing. Sounds fun actually lol. Well I hope you land softly and thanks for checking in with/on us over here!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Why don't you take meds?

[Manic Trance]

I don't take meds cuz my wife doesn't support it. Also, cuz I am afraid. I'm afraid of taking them, and then they don't work or cause me other problems, and then I go off of them but I can't get back to normal.

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

Why don't you take meds?

[Manic Trance]

No. No meds, no therapist right now. I'm not taking care of myself. It isn't good. I am incredibly busy with work, which is good in a way. In my line of work you have to work a TON to make a living, and I am working a ton, super proud of my work. But man, I am falling apart. I need to sleep, exercise, stop vaping (ha!), ideally get back to medication, actually work less, and therapy and medication would be so welcome, but I don't see myself getting to that.

Originally Posted by Wander

That sounds rough manic trance. Do you have a therapist to talk to? I find mine helps me get through the crazy highs and lows by giving me tools and support. I totally understand not wanting to be medicated and having to control things all the time. Unfortunately for me it all falls apart if I stop trying and let the illness take its course. What is causing you the most trouble right now? What can you do about it? Hope things turn for the better soon.

[Manic Trance]

How much of that stuff do you take?
Sounds like that is worth a try.

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

There's a supplement that has helped me with my hypomania: Bee Pollen. The health food shop I go to swears by giving bee pollen as a natural treatment for bipolar. It's worth a try. Also, fish oil or flax oil is helpful for mood stabilizing (I once has a psychiatrist recommend it).

If that doesn't work, I would see a psychiatrist. I take meds and I probably will for life, and they have helped me be able to function to my best ability. I wouldn't give that up for anything.

((HUGS))

[pirilin]

Most of us would love to be cured by a supplement, a vitamin, herb, ect.
They do work. But they require study, discipline and serious compliance.
It comprises much more than the physical aspect. Meditation, exercise, diet, etc.
If the situation allows that regime, fine. If not, go for a shrink and big pharma.
Either way. Get help. Suffering trying to prevent events before the fact is worse.

[leejt1986]

Originally Posted by Manic Trance

I don't take meds cuz my wife doesn't support it. Also, cuz I am afraid. I'm afraid of taking them, and then they don't work or cause me other problems, and then I go off of them but I can't get back to normal.

Why doesn't your wife support it? That's not a healthy relationship if she doesn't want you to get help

[fishin fool]

A good therapist is so much help in these situations.
You should really find one that you are comfortable with ASAP.
I agree it would be nice not to be on meds and there may be long
periods of time that we are ok without them but they always seem
to become necessary at some point.

[lilypup]

I vote for seeing pdoc and T as soon as possible. And getting on meds. You have a lot to lose. Take it seriously! From someone who has been there.....

[Manic Trance]

I think she doesn't support it for the same reason I am afraid to take the meds. I think if I just insisted she may ultimately get behind it, but I'm afraid to take a mood altering drug under such circumstances. Though I do fine on weed, etc... Anyhow, I have def been thinking lately that I should just get the drugs. I have gone to a shrink and been prescribed Lithium in the past. Just never took it.

Originally Posted by leejt1986

Why doesn't your wife support it? That's not a healthy relationship if she doesn't want you to get help

[Manic Trance]

Word!!!
<3

Originally Posted by lilypup

I vote for seeing pdoc and T as soon as possible. And getting on meds. You have a lot to lose. Take it seriously! From someone who has been there.....

[Manic Trance]

Thanks everyone for your responses!

[piano97]

I can relate to the cycle (all the way up, all the back down) you describe. It is hard. I feel for you.

I don't want this to sound un-kind, but what you are doing does not seem to be working. I'm with you on the exercise, nutrition, etc. I want everyday to be a day I don't need to take medication. I'm not there yet though.

For a long time I kept telling MDs it wasn't bipolar it was stress, it was I worked night shift, it was a vitamin or thyroid or whatever else I could come up with. It was inflammation, not severe depression.

When I cried the whole appointment when I went to a promptcare type place bc my PCP couldn't get me in that day (that time I was on the inflammation kick), he humored me and ran some labs (they were fine), put his hand on my shoulder and said "you're really depressed, don't give up". I started forcing myself to exercise most days after that even though could barely get out of bed. It was one of the most painful few months of my life. The pain is not quantifiable.

Give meds a try. It's ok to tell MD you don't really want to take them, and that you want small doses. You can always add more. Or change things. Different things work for different people. You have a medical condition and I bet would tell another person with a medical condition that it's ok to take meds. I struggle with that, a lot, but it's what I'd tell someone else.

Definately keep up all the behavioral stuff, you are doing awesome to be doing all of that. It will always help you and gives a good sense of accomplishment and strength/control.

I hope that might help a little. You are NOT alone.

[gina_re]

If you're uncomfortable with meds, at a minimum therapy should help. Sounds like your schedule is very hectic and compliance with meds is key for them to be effective. Either way, I'm glad you are able to work and get things done in the meantime. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Good luck and take care!

[jdsalty]

Originally Posted by Manic Trance

Work is insane, and my daughter has been sick, + we just got a friggin puppy. So my schedule is insane, I'm not getting anything done, and I stay up late trying to get caught up and don't sleep. I am a performer and an artist and a curator and work in night life a lot, and there is lots of partying and drinking and drugs (I don't really do hard drugs), but it's a weird vibe. I'm working on a variety of projects and it's insane, and everything feels crazy, and I feel like I don't know what is going on, like I can't tell how anything is going. I can't tell if I am a total loser, or like a brilliant genius, pinnacle of cool etc, like I cold be anywhere on that continuum, or something that is not even part of that. I just feel totally confused, like I am living from one minute to the next. I fly into rages, I have impulsively ended relationships, I'm arrogant and egotistical and then embarrassed and back pedaling. I am a ****ing mess! I feel like people are scared of me.

Not depressed yet but it is coming.

I don't take meds, I used to try to control things with diet, not drinking, exercise mediation, but now it's like I've given up. I just feel like I'll never feel safe, solid, sane. It's always gonna be manic highs, black and white manias, decline into depression, suicidal ideation and self hatred, and then boom! BACK!

I'm afraid and bored, tired of this.

Anything helps.

Haven't been on here in a while, how are y'all?
S

i know where your coming from it's the same over here! they try to say its not.