Good today. I had a major 'win' yesterday which really seems to have calmed the sense of irritation which has been bothering me of late.

[scatterbrained04]

Awake but not feeling motivated. Need to be. Have a house to clean. Won't have my son most of the day, so it will be a good day to get some stuff done.

Got the peace of mind that I don't have any tumors in my ear canal. Though I never really thought I did. Still don't know what is wrong with my ear. Maybe I will find out more when I see the ENT on Monday. Maybe I'll find out nothing. Had a mild heart attack yesterday when I saw the first of many medical bills.

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Originally Posted by JustJace2u

Hope today goes better for you

Thanks, Jace. It's not going bad, per se. It's just going lol

I know you are new to all this...I hope you stick around for support. It helps to talk to people that can relate.

I hope you have a good day.

Originally Posted by Takeshi

Isn't there something you can do like taking sick days to recuperate? How did it go with the plan of gathering your thoughts and reflect, I remember you were mentioning that before. I know how the co-workers that you described could be as annoying as ****, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to handle the situation like nothing at all. Who do you have in IRL? You could maybe let some introcept, while you keep doing the introspection, so you won't let yourself blow up.

You sound like you're sailing on a rough sea right now, all hands on deck! Plain water or a spiced rum, that'll be your choice, at the end of the day, you're the captain of the ship, please remember to send out a distress signal when you feel like your life is in a tumble dryer. Don't give up on your sanity.

Edited to add: Ali didn't die for nothing. He could be watching over you right now. It's not your job to throw in the towel, that's what a cornerman's for. Granted, it is your fight, the round continues till someone rings the bell announcing that you fell. Now's not the time yet. Be the champion in your own ring.

I worked from home on Thursday and Friday because I've been horribly depressed. My boss lets me work wherever I want, whenever I want... as long as I get the work done.

I don't have anyone IRL because I've inadvertently pushed people away. I seem to have a talent for that... I'm a f*** up. Well, I also stopped talking to people on my own. So there's that too. It's a combo of me not wanting to talk to people, as well as pushing people away.

My pdoc gave me Abilify to try for the depression, but it'll take 7-10 days to kick in.

Thank you for your positive words. It's hard to be positive, though.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm a f*** up. Well, I also stopped talking to people on my own. So there's that too. It's a combo of me not wanting to talk to people, as well as pushing people away.

You're not a f*** up. You're wise and supportive. There are, however, down times. You don't have to be perfect, as much as I wish you could feel perfect.

[Nammu]

I second what vertigo said.

[Gabyunbound]

Couldn't sleep night before last which is a terrible combination with Seroquel. My job performance yesterday sucked. And at one point I was so tired I nearly cried. I'm frustrated and sad. Last night I passed out sleeping at some point, but then woke up at 3am and realized I hadn't taken my med, took it and stayed in bed for another 9 hrs! But my cat kept waking me up so it was a very fitful sleep.

I'm so sad and I hope I don't fall into a depression again. I know (think?) this is situational, so I hope that means I won't, or not so bad? I'm going to lower the Seroquel dose by 25 mg and see if that helps my sleepiness and scatterbrained-ness I feel like crap...

Right now, my pdoc having said that I have to take the same dose for 8 weeks after the depression to make sure it doesn't come back feels like some sort of punishment. I know, also, that this doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel.

I also wish I'd post on more threads and be more supportive (when feeling ok as well), I kind of feel like a jerk for mostly just starting threads. Somehow, though, when I read them, nothing just comes to mind to say, don't know why. For now, anyway, I'll leave it to the regular supportive members who I (and surely many others) appreciate so much.

[Anrea]

Decided to only take 1 med for 1 week, then try another, and another and another during the following 3 weeks to pinpoint which is causing the tinnitus, and which makes me feel buzzed. Feeling floating today.

[scatterbrained04]

The funny thing is, I am not ok alone. Ever since I became a single parent, I'm always around another person. Today is one of those rare occasions when I'm alone. And I don't feel ok.

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[Wander]

Day two on Modafinil and it is definitely working. The rash eased so it wasn't SJS, thank God. Problem now is it costs $110 a month!!! Anyone else on this. Ic simply cannot afford it but it has dragged me out of a deep depression and helped me concentrate (It is a mild stimulant). See my pdoc tomorrow. Hope he has some cheaper, equally effective, ideas.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Didn't fall.asleep.untl about 6am. Forced myself.to go out to eat with my Grandma mostly cause I wanted ice cream because it was nearly 90° today, still 82° as I type this. Trying to come.to.terms.with my Grandpa needing home.hospice care, idk it'll take awhile to accept that it is time and that he really does need it. Other than that, feeling down, depressed and hyper at the sametime, not even tired wtf. Also feeling like nothing is real, I'm not real and everything is an illusion.

[LadyShadow]

Feeling a bit bored, but other than that I am okay. Just had a nice dinner with the family. Feeling a bit stuffed. But overall today was a good day.

[gina_re]

Goodness, things can change quicker than you expect it to! But such is life..

[hopeless2015]

Better today than have been all week, I'll take it

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[bizi]

Did not drink any alcohol and am feeling very tired so hope i go to sleep easily....takes about 30 minutes to do my night routine. then read a bit then lights out.
I work again tomorrow so I hope to sleep well and get up early so that I can make myself take a shower.
bizi

Productive day. Got a bunch of chores done. Including breaking down, cleaning and condensing our guinea pig's enclosure and gear (she died 3 weeks ago). I'd held off, but not to much avail. It was still hard. Crying because I just finished a little bit ago. It'll be alright. I just miss her.

Otherwise, doing pretty well.

[LadyShadow]

Still wired. I think its gonna be impossible to sleep tonight. Jesus.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Productive day. Got a bunch of chores done. Including breaking down, cleaning and condensing our guinea pig's enclosure and gear (she died 3 weeks ago). I'd held off, but not to much avail. It was still hard. Crying because I just finished a little bit ago. It'll be alright. I just miss her.

Otherwise, doing pretty well.

You did not want to get another one????
sorry for your loss....((((HUGS))))
bizi

[pirilin]

Life is good.

[gina_re]

I'm staying in bed as long as I can today! I have been extremely busy this past week, and now trying to keep a seven year old boy entertained yesterday and today.....I'm just worn out! His parents should be here in a couple of hours to come and pick him up. He'll be missed, but I'll be asleep!

[scatterbrained04]

I had so much I wanted to get done this weekend, but I feel frozen. I've barely moved off the couch all weekend. I'm frustrated and disappointed in myself.

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Originally Posted by bizi

You did not want to get another one????
sorry for your loss....((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks. We haven't discussed it yet. It can easily be put back together, and we could use the space atm. (It's 2' x 4')

Well, as long as I'm here... Just woke up. Not feeling as motivated, but I'm still in heavy brain fog. Will probably try being online to see if the gears get in motion. Hopefully they will. God knows there's plenty that needs doing...

Edited to add... Hear you, scatterbrained. That's exactly where I've been recently too (except the last couple of days getting things done). It's a frustrating state. Sending good energy your way.

[JustJace2u]

Still feeling out of sorts. Went into the office today with full intentions of working a full 8 hours...I lasted 5. My brain just won't shut off and I just keep thinking about 'stuff'. I really can't wait until the 30th when I see my T and then the pdoc on the 15th.

[Daonnachd]

BlueBicycle's questions about Abilify prompted me to switch my meds around. I didn't take it (my Abilify) this morning because it causes drowsiness; I'll take it tonight. I feel much more productive today. I've taken the dog for a run, I did sprint intervals on my bike, made eggs and coffee for my wife, dishes and laundry, too. All thanks to the Wellbutrin going solo. ...and thanks to Blue.

[pirilin]

Life still good.