Doing alright. Threw up a little bit this morning. Great way to start the day...

I'm taking a 1/2 day of PTO at work in case I throw up some more, although I think it's passed already.

Good thing I'm allowed to work from home.

Also didn't sleep. I accidentally took my Abilify at night and kept waking up every 30 minutes. Damn med is so activating!

[pirilin]

Doing good. Wanting to pick a good fight. No takers so far. Wife didn't say a word. Dogs are compliant. My neighboor is the last hope for the morning. He has some leaves on the ground that may fly into my backyard. Hoping and praying.

[hopeless2015]

So far so good, staying out of my head and keeping busy at work..hope it lasts all day

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[Coconutzo]

Hello world!
I appear to be functioning at normal levels today.

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[Takeshi]

Antipsychotics are the most commonly used drugs in forced treatment and if we wish to find out how deadly they are, we cannot use the placebo controlled randomised trials in patients with schizophrenia, as they seriously underreport deaths. For example, only 19 of 50 deaths on olanzapine described in trial summaries on websites also appeared in journal articles; and for suicides and suicidal events the numbers were one versus nine and four versus 18, respectively.5 Another reason why trials in schizophrenia are unreliable is their cold turkey design. Patients are almost always in treatment with an antipsychotic drug before they are being randomised,2 and when they are abruptly switched to placebo, their mortality risk increases markedly. One in every 145 patients who entered the trials for risperidone, olanzapine, quetiapine and sertindole died, but none of these deaths were mentioned in the scientific literature, and the FDA didn’t require them to be mentioned.6 Many of the patients killed themselves; the suicide rate was two to five times the usual rate for patients with schizophrenia, and a ma*jor reason was withdrawal-induced akathisia.6

Abolishing Forced Treatment in Psychiatry is an Ethical Imperative - Mad In America

The credit goes to the member daisymazed, this person posted this elsewhere on the forum, I used the quote exactly the way he/she posted. It's a long read, I didn't read the comments part, if you're interested, please take a look and read about this important human rights issue. Thank you. (Just a little warning, don't ever ***** about the source, I've seen it before and that is not welcome, you can just ignore it.)

[Wander]

Was shocked by what my psychiatrist wrote on my discharge summary today. Said I had severe psychopathology amongst many other things that revealed the seriousness of my health. It also revealed just how much he cares. He reviewed all my files for my 27 admissions over the last 6.5 years. I knew it was a lot but 27!! Possible ADHD was added to my diagnosises and Bipolar dropped oddly despite his admission that I have had mood elevation, depression and mixed features that can be consistently tracked. Go figure.

On the plus side I am still doing really well since Saturday. Calm and happy and able to concentrate thanks to the addition of a stimulant. Also started Baclofen and have only needed 2mg of Clonazepam in 5 days, instead of the average of 4mg a day I had been on. Sorry for the detailed update, I am just so overwhelmed by my sudden change for the better and shock over how bad it was. You know how it is usually only when you feel better that you realise how bad it was.

[Unrigged64072835]

Today was a really whacked-out day. Husband did his passive-aggressive thing this morning and it just all went downhill from there. Feeling really depressed. What's keeping me going is interacting with my daughter and her boyfriend.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Doing a bit better today than I have been, a little more.in reality, don't know how long this will last, but I will take it for today at least. Still didn't sleep.last night. Had therapy today, my therapist wants me.to.ask my psychiatrist if it is possible to have me evaluated for and autism spectrum disorder. I don't really care either way, but I see my psychiatrist the July 8th and I'm already nervous about asking her. Not much else going on, depression is still there, but my cat is laying on me, so that helps a bit as long as he doesn't bite me lol. Have my DBT group tomorrow, going to go.out to breakfast with my Dads girlfriend before (she's driving me to.my group tomorrow cause my Mom who usually takes me has a stress test tomorrow morning, I can't drive due to being legally blind). Other than that, going to relax and rest, and.try and.get.some.much needed sleep.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

......due to being legally blind). Other than that, going to relax and rest, and.try and.get.some.much needed sleep.

I have 2 clients who are legally blind and still drive. They have to use magnifying glasses to read but can see distance.
one uses and red stick some times!
bizi

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by bizi

I have 2 clients who are legally blind and still drive. They have to use magnifying glasses to read but can see distance.
one uses and red stick some times!
bizi

For me.I am the limit for stable enough visual acuity to legally drive in my state. If that makes any sense, I think there was a change in our law to that anyone who is considered legally blind cannot drive. Idk, I'm too afraid too anyways, with all the other drivers on the road...

[LadyShadow]

Been up and down in the past hour alone. Don't know what's up with me. Feels strange to be OK but NOT ok.

[Coconutzo]

Bawling on my back porch over nothing. Up down up down. So despondent.

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[gina_re]

I really don't feel like working right now. When my sleep is as bad as it was last night, I'm irritable and tired and don't give a ...
Plus I have to leave in a little over an hour for yet another dental procedure. Depending on how I feel afterwards will decide whether or not I come back to work, but the way I feel now I'm leaning towards a no. But I hate using my PTO and will try and make up some of these hours later this week, assuming I feel better....or drink a huge can of Red Bull..

[hopeless2015]

Going OK today pdoc appt this afternoon

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[Daonnachd]

ECT today. That sorta overshadows everything else in my day.

[gina_re]

Back on pain meds and antibiotics. Luckily it wasn't as bad as previously thought. Yet another follow up next week. And back on the soft food diet.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Went to my DBT group.today, it was fun. Didn't sleep last night again. Not too hungry lately even though my Abilify is causing constant hunger. So I'm hungry, but have no appetite. I think it may be depression related. Things still feel unreal to me, idk I got to figure out how to makes things seem.real.again. Over all though today wasn't a bad day. Laying down, relaxing, and listening to music right now.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Went to my DBT group.today, it was fun. Didn't sleep last night again. Not too hungry lately even though my Abilify is causing constant hunger. So I'm hungry, but have no appetite. I think it may be depression related. Things still feel unreal to me, idk I got to figure out how to makes things seem.real.again. Over all though today wasn't a bad day. Laying down, relaxing, and listening to music right now.

Do you know why you are not sleeping?
bizi

[pirilin]

I'm hyper. Being like that for a few days. I like it. Body is faltering. Wish was younger.
No can do. Living on free time. Should be grateful.

[LadyShadow]

Feeling a bit warm, a bit hungry. Been in an overall good mood today though. Annoyed at some things. Feeling a bit tired. Thoughts kind of all over the place to be honest.

I need to take my meds consistently but I'm so tired and scared of side effects I'm not doing it. My husband, parents and kids would be disappointed to learn this but I'm hiding it. At first I was forgetting the meds, or so I thought. Now I'm pretty sure I'm intentionally forgetting them. I'm afraid to tell my PDOC the truth. I'm afraid to write this and expose my non-compliance. I'm afraid I will have another episode, but more afraid of the side effects and sickness the meds cause me. I cycle regardless of meds and I'm stable now and just want to enjoy being stable without added med side effects. I'm watching myself, I'm certain I will catch it early if something happens. Maybe I'm deluding myself.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

..... I'm afraid to write this and expose my non-compliance. I'm afraid I will have another episode, but more afraid of the side effects and sickness the meds cause me. I cycle regardless of meds and I'm stable now and just want to enjoy being stable without added med side effects. I'm watching myself, I'm certain I will catch it early if something happens. Maybe I'm deluding myself.

keep posting being honest here.
I am glad that you are stable.
may I ask what meds you were on?
some of them you just can't stop taking them without a taper.
I feel like we had this conversation before????
bizi

[raspberrytorte]

This situation I am going through right now is turning me into the nastiest ***** ever. I want to destroy everything and everyone. I want to claw my face off.

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

This situation I am going through right now is turning me into the nastiest ***** ever. I want to destroy everything and everyone. I want to claw my face off.

Exactly my sentiments. Nasty because some people deserve it. Destroying something for me would be so exciting and hopefully put an end to my god awful boredom. And I've been thinking about much worse and extreme things than face clawing, but we're on similar pages.

[raspberrytorte]

I wish I could destroy something without the entire ****ing neighborhood hearing and waking up my daughter and entire ****ing apartment complex. I guess I'll have to settle with smoking and pacing and randomly screaming ****.