[SpasticBliss]

My famous last words, "Just one more thing..." and that's usually the one little thing that pushes it too far. I never know when I shut up.

I'm learning to control it, some, but I slip up a lot. It's a constant effort not to blurt out crazy **** and blabber on and on about something. I've always been a talker, but combine that with a little nervous adrenaline and it scares people.

I worry that they think I might be like a crazy stalker-type, because I'm intense and I talk fast and I'm nervous and I get really excited when i have something in common with someone.

But in reality, I'm like hey, if I'm scaring you that bad or if you just don't want to hang out, fine by me. I will always go away. Sometimes even too soon. I think, "Well, now I've ****ed it all up, time to just go away."

So why though when I decide to give it "one last shot" rather than walk away, I seem to always **** up that one last attempt at showing you I'm safe, just out of it. Or something like that. I **** that up and then that is when I really go away for good.

It's a cycle in my life. I get too excited and I scare them away or I scare myself away or something.

[pirilin]

Maybe too strong for you. Not for me. I can beat you at vomit mouthing I can beat you at fast talking. I can beat you period.
Sometimes is all your own perception. The buggy before the horse. Give people a chance to reject you. And sometimes they will most of the time they won't.
Now I sound like Icare.

Yeah, I feel you.

Sometimes I say a lot of crap that accidentally pushes people away. I don't ever intend to insult anyone or annoy anyone. I'm not the kind of person who wants to make people upset.

I don't really have any advice except... don't change who you are just to please people. Some people have low tolerances and there's literally nothing you can do about that. There are plenty of other people out there who will accept you for who you are.

[SpasticBliss]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Maybe too strong for you. Not for me. I can beat you at vomit mouthing I can beat you at fast talking. I can beat you period.
Sometimes is all your own perception. The buggy before the horse. Give people a chance to reject you. And sometimes they will most of the time they won't.
Now I sound like Icare.

Sounds like I've met my match. "Give people a chance to reject you." Exactly what I needed to hear. I have to just push forward and NOT be in constant fear that I'm offending or scaring someone. That's 90% why I get so freaky. I told my therapist, "Nothing looks more suspicious than a paranoid person!"

Maybe think of it at another angle and focus on being a good listener? xo

[SpasticBliss]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Maybe think of it at another angle and focus on being a good listener? xo

85% of the time I think, focus on them and their words or you could miss something very wise. I will pay close attention, then I interrupt with a story about myself. But that's always been my favorite back-and-forth, give me some wisdom, I relate it to me, then you talk about you, and me about me and how we relate, just informing each other about each other.

But people take my talking about myself as self-absorption maybe? I'm dying to hear their stories, but there is the problem: sometimes I can't stop talking long enough to hear their story. This is going to take a conscious effort and some work to even get certain people to talk to me again!

I can't say, oh, I've screwed it all up, it's too late to change. I just have to move forward. I can't regret everything I've said to everyone in the past, why did I push them away, why didn't I shut up long enough for them to respond. ugh. it sucks, but moving forward! Thanks everyone.

I always appreciate more input!

[Onward2wards]

I have read that people with bipolar can experience a huge inner pressure to be expressive (part of hypomania and mania) and the way it comes out can be overwhelming for (some) other people. I would think that managing those impulses in a way that works well for you without scaring people off is a useful skill to learn - part science, part art.

I think it's something a lot of people deal with, bipolar or not. I remember being a socially insecure teenager and occasionally acting in ways I now see as being a bit "histrionic". I've realized now I was just trying to overcompensate for feeling like a socially awkward, forgettable idiot.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by SpasticBliss

85% of the time I think, focus on them and their words or you could miss something very wise. I will pay close attention, then I interrupt with a story about myself. But that's always been my favorite back-and-forth, give me some wisdom, I relate it to me, then you talk about you, and me about me and how we relate, just informing each other about each other.

But people take my talking about myself as self-absorption maybe? I'm dying to hear their stories, but there is the problem: sometimes I can't stop talking long enough to hear their story. This is going to take a conscious effort and some work to even get certain people to talk to me again!

I can't say, oh, I've screwed it all up, it's too late to change. I just have to move forward. I can't regret everything I've said to everyone in the past, why did I push them away, why didn't I shut up long enough for them to respond. ugh. it sucks, but moving forward! Thanks everyone.

I always appreciate more input!

When people tell you about themselves, they want to feel heard. They want you to stay on talking about them until they feel understood and validated. I personally HATE it when people keep taking what I say and telling me about themselves instead. Yes, I feel that they are just self-centered and don't care about me at all.

You have a great understanding of what you are doing that puts people off. I think if you just try to control your actions better, you'll be ok.

Even with the people you have scared off, you can repair those relationships. People are very forgiving if you change.

[SpasticBliss]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

When people tell you about themselves, they want to feel heard. They want you to stay on talking about them until they feel understood and validated. I personally HATE it when people keep taking what I say and telling me about themselves instead. Yes, I feel that they are just self-centered and don't care about me at all.

You have a great understanding of what you are doing that puts people off. I think if you just try to control your actions better, you'll be ok.

Even with the people you have scared off, you can repair those relationships. People are very forgiving if you change.

That's the hard part to admit is that most people don't really get into the same conversation format I'm into? Like, I'll talk about myself, then I want them to tell me how they relate to it. I just need to rethink the way most people want a conversation to go down. Another example is, I hate compliments. I'll generally not say thank you, but instead I'll point out a flaw. That's probably rude as **** isn't it?

I'm just hoping I didn't screw up a job by my rambling self-centered conversations. But at the same time, when you're up for a job, you're kind of selling yourself. This guy has known me for a long long time, he has to be used to my ways by now. Let's hope. Next week is the big week... I think.

I hate the unknown, I get nervous, I start guessing, then I start talking, trying to justify all my past mistakes and conversations that might have been taken the wrong way.

Originally Posted by SpasticBliss

That's the hard part to admit is that most people don't really get into the same conversation format I'm into? Like, I'll talk about myself, then I want them to tell me how they relate to it. I just need to rethink the way most people want a conversation to go down. Another example is, I hate compliments. I'll generally not say thank you, but instead I'll point out a flaw. That's probably rude as **** isn't it?

Not sure it's as terrible as all that, but take the compliment. Without contradiction. I can be uncomfortable with apologies too, but it's a reflection of our own self-esteem, isn't it?

On the other...
That format doesn't bother me (is that so odd??). It does come with some caveats though. #1 in all situations would definitely be to watch the balance.

Some others that come to mind... If they are talking about a problem, try to keep it well-skewed towards them -- both in quantity and in making sure "your stuff" is actually relevant, not too rambling, and motivated only by letting them know they're not alone. And don't jump in too soon! Let them really get it out. You don't want them feeling un-heard or (yikes) cut off. If it is more of a vent, just let them do it, and let them know they've been heard.

So maybe the format doesn't need to be ditched altogether. I get why you like it -- the building, the back and forth, getting to know each other better etc.. It'd be good to observe their reaction though. If they're someone who doesn't like that format, don't use it.

I guess the thing is that listening is good, no doubt about that. But I've had a number of relationships where the problem becomes that it is all about them. All the time. That's not good either.

Maybe that's way off-base, but that's how I see it.

Good luck!

When I'm manic, I come off too strong and scare people too. I was told I was aggressive and that is not me at all. Aggressive is a strong word and should be saved for at least someone who indicates violence.

I have the same conversation style as you. My friend and I talk over each other and laugh about it. Maybe you are talking to the wrong people? You deserve to talk with someone who accepts you. Nobody is perfect and what is the big deal with talking too much? It doesn't annoy everyone.

Good luck in finding the answers and balance you seek.