There is an endless loop in my brain???

What is this? Is it Bipolar? BPD? Nothing???

Today my husband was whistling so I asked him if he always has a song in his head. This sparked up a conversation whereupon I found out that he can his mind can be silenced. I was shocked (call me naive), but I figured this was only possible while meditating. Not just a normal thing - to have quiet inside your head.

I then told him about my mind. I'm not sure if this is also a part of my racing thoughts because I think of those more as actual run on sentences telling me something either true or imagined. I always have a tune in my head. Whether or not it's a song I know, something unknown to me, or possibly even just 3 random notes that play in an endless loop. A lot of the times I find it as numbers. Sometimes beginning at 1, other times completely random sequence. It will usually consist of no more than 10 numbers. But again, it's played over in a loop in my head. There is never any "silent" time up there. The numbers or tune will then be interrupted by a thought or whatever...always to come back. It's annoying and has been going on for as long as I can remember.

Does anybody else experience this? My husband thought it was different. I assumed that everybody's mind dis this or similar, I now know that to be untrue. You learn something new every day.

My husband has a silent mind often too. Maybe it's a man thing? I ALWAYS have something going on in my mind. I'm chronically thinking, worrying, planning, imagining, stressing, rehearsing, memorizing, singing, etc.... You get the picture. But I do not have something repetitive and as consistently similar as you do. Could be harmless and just your "thing" but it might be interesting to bring up to a doctor and get their thoughts. Do you have OCD?

I'm like Elsa on this, constant mind going but not a short loop of a few notes. I have heard others on here describe that short repetitive loop in the OCD section.

I relate songs to what I am feeling and the song pops in my head for those emotions.

Hi Elsa,

My husband also mentioned bringing it up to my therapist, and I will. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD. I've also never talked about the "loop" until yesterday with my husband. Up to that point I was under the impression it was a normal thing. Ha! The two of us got a little chuckle over it.

I guess I'm going to research this a little further. Maybe pop over to the OCD forum. I am very curious now.

I've noticed on here that OCD, ADHD, PTSD, and Depression really seem to cluster together for a lot of people, including me, I think.

Interesting!

I can have a very quiet mind and, often, do.
However, it has taken me years of practice.

My husband's mind does not quiet down. His is full of anxiety, worry, tasks which need to be completed, etc. He often relates his mind races.

My "quiet mind" just does not want to sleep. It is so strange. It is wide awake and quiet through the night. Just staring at the walls or ceiling, awaiting elusive sleep. It's not unpleasant, just... odd.

Oh, yes much like TishBuv, I will sometimes start singing verses to a song, verses which relate to something in the Present moment. My poor husband hears the verses and they play and play in his head for a week.

He has a more "obsessive mind" than do I.


WC

I would like the "odd" quiet mind! I am envious. My mind is more like your husbands...

Oh yeah, my husband says he has an "off switch." fascinating. I don't have one of those.

My mind is constantly going, but not a loop that I've noticed, just chatter. The only time it's quieted is when doing serious meditation and highly focused...and sometimes when I'm writing.

Yes! All the time and many things. All at once. And much looping, especially the music component(s). And sometimes it will get interrupted, then come back, like you describe, but often it just keeps running right alongside. For the longest time, I didn't realize that it wasn't like that for everyone.

I was recently thinking it would be interesting to record. Well, not record, as that is impossible (though would be fabulously simple!), but to take sample tracks and mix them in such a way to have an approximation of what it sounds like up there.

I don't consider this chaos/chatter to be racing thoughts. For me, those are racing. It's not that the format is that different, but it's literally speeded up, louder, and I'm more consciously aware of my inability to catch them. They're more suited to a visual perception -- like speeding objects being shot in every direction inside my head. Zipping past, colliding, interspersed with randomly disappearing altogether (like an overload short out). I can see these "bullets" more than the thoughts themselves. If that makes any sense.

You mention silent time. The closest I come is kind of like meditation(?) Like at night to try to sleep. Consciously blurring them. Trying to zone to a drone. (DIY white noise? Lol.) Usually repeatedly, to counter the auto-revert. Have you tried anything like that?

I totally relate to this. I am classic BP1 with bad anxiety but I think, well, KNOW, that there is some OCD underlying it.
Meditating helps, but I don't have a lot of self discipline. Also, when I can't sleep (which is most of the time) the looping thoughts are what is keeping me awake.
And by looping thoughts, I mean phrases, hypothetical conversations, songs, even self harm thoughts.

Thank you everyone for your insights and experiences. I am grateful.

Innerzone, you mention meditation. Like Jupiter says, "I don't have the self-discipline". When I try meditation, I try to focus on my breathing, then I inevitably begin counting my breaths and the number sequence is triggered. Right now I have some sort of patriotic tune, twelve notes repeating in succession. Well, it's fitting I suppose for the upcoming 4th of July weekend! It is just background noise right now. I love your description of the chaos/chatter.

Jupiter it is comforting to know that you can relate, although I know how troublesome falling asleep can be. You mentioned the self-harm. It's strange but there is this visual I use when falling asleep. Maybe I do have a form of meditation.

I just told this to my husband...he thinks it's weird. I definitely agree with him.

Thanks. Haha, self-discipline. NOT one of my strong suits! I'm ok with using focused breathing with panic to stomach breathe, but I don't even get as "elaborate" as that for the chatter blur. I don't know how many people do it for visuals (like with art you've done or something -- going out of focus, so as to assess the whole of what it looks like without details. Its overall balance, color etc.). It's like that, only with sound. Loosening it up till it blurs into an unitelligible hum. So hard to describe, lol! But hopefully it somewhat makes some degree of sense.

I get what you mean about breathing. I tend to count a lot too.

Well-timed on your current tune! I've been having a gawdawful song from 70's AM radio, with a spell of a santa claus song(!!!) Yikes!! TG it's been interspersed with some Pink Floyd. Which has (finally) starting to overtake. Going to put some on now as reinforcement!

I have the looping too, esp with music. So annoying when it is the Sesame Street song 'one of these things is not like the other' I find it happens most when I am having a lot of anxiety going into a mood episode, this usually comes out as dysphoric mania. I usually journal in notebooks and during these times, I repeat things for pages, the same thoughts in different ways. So I have a visual of sorts of how my mind is looping my thoughts and what the thoughts consist of.

Now, I just have had an incident the last two nights where I was thinking about this guy that just broke up with me and I managed to get myself totally worked up with the thoughts, I didn't sleep for 36 hours and I think the exhaustion and constant thoughts made me feel over the top and I had a crying meltdown. I am better today, after 14 hours of sleep but it occurred to me earlier today that perhaps that was a 'mood moment' and I probably should have taken something for it? I normally take saphris when I have racing thoughts that won't stop and make me unable to sleep. I am trying to decide if it was a bipolar moment or a normal breakup behavior. I haven't been broken up with since 2010 so it's not really a familiar event. In fact, that particular breakup ended with me in the hospital (I'd been manic for 10 months and it precipitated the crash into depression).
Just curious what you all might think of that?

I don't have notes, but when I'm in a mood situation, I'll get the same sentence repeat itself over and over in my mind, or more often the same word. So annoying.

I'm sorry to hear of your breakup. I've been through similar situations as yours during a few of my past breakup's. I send hugs your way . I truly empathize. For me, I can't remember if I was in an "episode" already, but I definitely believe the breakups were jarring enough that I was triggered and ended up in the psychiatric ward. I am also diagnosed with BPD. Double Whammy! I don't like breakups. You may also be on edge recollecting the experience of your last breakup. Being reminded and fearing it's happening allover again is unnerving. I have a tough time deciphering my "normal" behaviors and my "BP/BPD behaviors". It's confusing!
When I was in my 20's I kept journals. I actually still have most of them twenty years later. I recall doing something very similar to what you described. I would write the same sentence over and over and over. It was as if I was experiencing automatic writing. My hand would move of it's own volition. This would most definitely be when my mind was swarmed with negative racing thoughts. Those times when you want to shove an ice pick through your temple because the thoughts are screaming at you. Ugh, Misery!
I have no idea if this helped you at all. But...I wish you the best.

Wait, there are people who have silence in their brain?!?!
I always, ALWAYS, literally ALWAYS!! have music in my brain. There is literally never a time where there is not a song playing in my head. Usually on any given day it's a small part of one song on a continuous loop (right now it's Love Club by Lorde). The same part, over and over and over.
I have other thoughts too that loop around, like of self harm, and I'm always having conversations with myself and with other people in my head (and out loud).

How do you silence a chattering mind? My mind puts me through allot, including negative talk, anticipated failures, imagining people being crtical of me and what they would say, constantly challenging my successes, and so forth. Also my mind flits from one topic to the next. Obsessive. Repetative. Endless. Lacking focus. Lately my mind has been quieting to a dull roar. Meducation? Even though this can be nice, my anxiety level eventually goes up. I guess I am not used to having a mind with less noise. Anxiety. Depression. Fatigue.

Tucson

I still have the same damn 12 notes that belong to some patriotic tune that I mentioned in this thread yesterday. I don't like this tune one bit. I am not amused

Normal non bipolar people get "ear worms" where everyone gets a song stuck in thier head but us bipolar people and myself included will get a riff or beat stuck in our head s and loop them in our heads for an hour or more.

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I loop endlessly .. I think I have gotten use to it for the most part.

I often wonder how non Bipolar people can live with such few thoughts roaming there mind at one time..

Its a good thing that breathing is automatic or I imagine alot of people would forget to do such a simple thing.

It feels like there is a jukebox in my brain that automatically plays all kinds of songs. Different eras, genres, etc. I'm used to it by now since its been going for years. I am always thinking about something, usually a few things. And I am not purposely thinking about things, if that makes sense.

I think that is the root cause of my insomnia. My body gets tired but my brain is too busy to sleep. The only time this is not the case is when I am deeply depressed. I feel flatlined. I shudder thinking about it.

I live in a houseful of people who have an "OFF" switch in their brains. Sometimes I'll ask them "what are you thinking?" and they'll say "nothing". How on earth do they DO that??

I understand about the loop, too. Sometimes it's music, sometimes it's a sentence. Drives me nuts.

Until now I have never taken the "Nothing" response to "What are you thinking?" literally!! I figured they meant "Nothing Important". It baffles me!

There was another thread in this forum about forgetfulness. A lot of folks Bipolar folk seemed to agree that they are indeed forgetful. Is this constant chatter/music/numbers loop the reason? Too much going on in our heads??