[cashart10]

I'm just really, really, really done. How much and how long do I keep it together because of my children?

Seriously, I'm safe for the minute. Next minute? Perhaps not. I am struggling.

[wildflowerchild25]

Your children need you cash, especially now. I know ip would probably not be best given your circumstances but if it will keep you alive you need to do it. You can't give up because of your husband's emotional abuse. You are a STRONG WOMAN. You can make it through this.

I hate to say but I don't know if meds will help at this point. This is situational. The only thing to do is buckle down and get through it, which you can and will. Keep talking to your therapist, as often as you can. Talk to your family and friends. Talk to us. But keep holding on. Your children need you! And personally I wouldn't want to give my husband (if he were like yours) the satisfaction of being right.

[bizi]

I am sorry he is so abusive of you.
I tried to read some of what you have posted on here.
I think you need to protect your sanity.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Nammu]

((((((((((((((((((Casheart))))))))))))))))))

[HALLIEBETH87]

Call the crisis line and talk to someone about how you're feeling.

[hopeless2015]

HUGS, wish you peace soon!!

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[MusicLover82]

When I go through stressful life circumstances, my pdoc temporarily prescribes me Xanax XR. I don't know if something like that would help your stress level, but I figured it was worth suggesting.

HUGS!!!

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[pirilin]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{good vibes}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[BeyondtheRainbow]

praying for you

[Coconutzo]

All my love your way. I'm sorry this is so awful,but You will be ok!

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[Wander]

This is very serious. Is it possible at all for you to go IP, even for a few days? The stress you are under is immense. Sending love and big hugs. Thinking of you.

Do they have an intensive outpatient program in your area? It's an alternative to inpatient and might be more suitable for your situation. I am so sorry you are struggling. The situation you are in would bring the strongest person to their knees I bet. Hang in there, put your sanity first and keep reaching out. Big hugs going your way. Keep writing here, we are listening. (((Hugs)))

[bizi]

more hugs today.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( CASHEART ))))))

[cashart10]

Thank you all. My therapist is on vacation so I won't see her until next Friday. I promised her I would remain safe while she was gone and she told me to take things one step at a time. I will keep my promise. I look to her for stability. I keep asking myself if I should share with her my plans. I have no interest in acting on those plans, but they are increasingly disturbing and increasingly persistant.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

Call the crisis line and talk to someone about how you're feeling.

Thank you! I actually did do this last night. She talked me down.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Wander

This is very serious. Is it possible at all for you to go IP, even for a few days? The stress you are under is immense. Sending love and big hugs. Thinking of you.

Thank you! I could as a last resort but I would prefer not to give my husband any leverage.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Do they have an intensive outpatient program in your area? It's an alternative to inpatient and might be more suitable for your situation. I am so sorry you are struggling. The situation you are in would bring the strongest person to their knees I bet. Hang in there, put your sanity first and keep reaching out. Big hugs going your way. Keep writing here, we are listening. (((Hugs)))

Thank you! Yes. We do have an IOP and I have done it several times. I really am just afraid for folks to know how badly I am struggling right now. And, my family generally prefers I not go to the hospital so I feel like I am letting them down if I go. Everyone has to rearrange their schedule to care for my kids also. It is really a pain in the *** to everyone around me.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Thank you! I actually did do this last night. She talked me down.

I'm glad this was helpful.

You're in my heart. I give you all the strength I can muster.

Good to hear from you, hang in there. xo

I'm glad you called the crisis line. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. I wish we all lived close so we could help out with watching the kids or something. . Keep staying strong. We're all behind you routing you on.

[cashart10]

I've been very suicidal often times in the past. However, I *think* I have always been able to filter it with deterents such as my children and my parents. But now, I feel callous about it. I feel like I could follow through with things with the ability to rationalize my actions. Perhaps I am still too principled to give into it. But, I do feel scared about it. My mom thinks I have PMS on top of a miserable depression (which I'm not sure she's right about) and that the hormones are messing with me. Even still, I don't feel safe and I am having trouble wrapping my mind around it just being hormones.

[Nammu]

Don't underestimate hormones. When you see your doctor next you should ask about this because it's becoming more noted that woman get PMS that complicates depression.

I have my worst times when I'm on my period during an episode. It definately shakes things up. I'm really worried about you Cash. I think you should consider IP or at least IOP. I know people need to rearrange schedules to help, but your life is worth it. Please put your life at the top of your priority list. It's hard to do when depressed, but it's the most important thing you can do right now. (((Hugs)))

[bizi]

Your family loves you and would be terribly hurt with out you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi