[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I'm terrified my disease is going to kill my marriage. It's part of the reason the past several days have been so horrible. My new meds have completly killed my sex drive. My husband is hyper-sexual so our sex life is hugely important to him. I've been agonizing over the realization that the Seroquel (and probably any other drugs the Pdoc might give me) is going to mean I don't want sex anymore. Tonight as we laid down in bed my husband said 'have you noticed our sex life is dead?'. I've been dreading the moment when he would bring it up and explained my fears and that I believe it's the medication. His first marriage ended because their sex life died and there was no intimacy, he told me tonight he couldn't endure a sexless marriage and that marriage with no intimacy would ruin our marriage. He also said my not getting treatment wasn't an option. I told him I felt like I was ruining his life and that either way I was going to cause our marriage to end and I feel completely powerless to fix it.

I've been so mean to him the past several days. I think subconsciously I'm trying to protect myself because I'm so afraid he's going to leave me over this. I've been very suicidal over the past several days and today those feelings are completely overwhelming. I just want to die. I feel like he'd be better off without me. I feel like I'm ruining his life because he's incredibly stressed out and dealing with this has caused him to be depressed. I wish I hadn't promised him I'm wouldn't hurt myself again after my suicide attempt in April because really, that's all I want to do. Maybe I deserve to be alone, everyone I've ever loved has left me. Maybe I deserve to die. I don't seem to bring anyone anything but misery. I feel awful. I want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I want him to be happy and I don't feel like I do anything but make his life difficult and miserable. I'm so scared.

[bizi]

The meds have killed my sex drive too. We have not had sex in years and I am only 53.
Hubby uses porn and I don't blame him one bit.

Hubby says he loves me no matter what.

Am sorry that you are struggling so.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[MusicLover82]

First of all, if you feel like you're going to harm yourself in any way, go to the nearest emergency room right away. Your life is precious.

Second of all, lack of sex can put a strain on a marriage, but that alone should not be a reason to end a marriage. You can also be reassured that there are other medications out there to try that may not adversely affect your sex drive. Let your pdoc know how important sex is to you and your marriage.

Do you have any benzos you can take? You sound really stressed and anxious. ((HUGS))

I hope you feel better really soon! Take gentle care of yourself. Do you have a friend or family member you can talk to about these issues until you can see your T or pdoc?

[alincdytyourmeds]

I asked my pdoc to take me off the meds that killed my libido. It help alot. There are alot of ways to feel intimate together. I agree with the other posters that you need to seek help now. If you absolutely cannot make yourself go to the e room make a call to a help line. I know sometimes people are place at the right positions to help. There will be better days. take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have a VERY low sex drive, even when stable. I used to think it was caused from my use of SSRI's, but now I think it's part of me/hormonal. I feel terribly guilty about it also, so I can relate to that. The difference is, my husband is very understanding and doesn't make me feel guilty. I understand that sex is important to your husband, I just really feel he said the wrong thing to you considering the state you are in. He probably didn't thing things through before responding. Someone who loves you is not going to have you put your life at risk over an orgasm. That is my take on it. Your husband was probably responding emotionally. I would try to get couples therapy for this issue before it spirals. Intimacy is much more than just sex.... You are more than just sex. Sex is important and I get that, but please remember what is most important here and that is your life! Please take care of yourself. I know you want to please your husband and see him happy. That is admirable.... But for now I think you should focus more on yourself and getting stable. Your sex drive might improve naturally once you are feeling better. (((Hugs)))

[p00dlez]

I am in the low sex drive club as well. I blame it on the tegretol but it could just as easily be the fact I am going through menopause, or the fact my health is in the crapper.

Either way, sex doesn't do anything for me anymore and I the only reason I still even have sex is because I love my husband and want him to be happy. My husband knows this and he don't pressure me about it. He knows I cant help it. Since I am bipolar 1 and go psychotic when manic I cant go off the meds so I guess this is just how it is now.

I really agree with ElsaMars's post. You are more than just sex. I would only add one thing. Tell your husband how this has made you feel. If hes a decent guy he is not going to want to make you feel like this.

Maybe talk to your pdoc, maybe they have some secret stash of meds that don't mess up ones sex life? If you find them, let me know, because this really does suck. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

[beigeish]

You don't deserve to be alone & you don't deserve to die.

Take care & hugs to you

I hope your husband is being supportive and understanding and not making you feel worse than you already do. He should be willing to be patient with you and work through these obstacles, not jump to the worst case scenario or hand down ultimatums (not sure if this is the case or if you are interpreting his actions this way). It sounds like you are doing the best that you can and are going through a particularly rough time. Do you communicate all of these thoughts and feelings to him? Do you tell him you want to want sex? that it's important to you? that you are willing to work on it? That you are worried he'll leave you over this and it's making things worse? That you need him on your team right now, perhaps with different expectations that usual? Please try to give yourself a break and remember that your needs are just as important as your husband's. If he can't handle that reality, then he doesn't deserve you. (also, as a sidenote: though I don't agree with him all the time, I really enjoy listening to the Savage Love Podcast - not sure if you're familiar, but it's all about love and sex and relationships and it often puts things in perspective for me and makes me feel less alone when i'm dealing with these sorts of issues). Give yourself a big hug and remember nothing ever stays the same <3

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Thanks so much everyone. I know I haven't posted much this week but I did read your replies and they were very helpful. I can't thank you guys enough for the support.

I talked the Pdocs office and they're weaning me off of Seroquel and I got an appointment to go in next week. I talked things out with my husband and I was totally overreacting to everything. It's taken me a few days to pull myself out of the pit. But I am a little more stable now.

I'm glad you are feeling more stable. I over-react and misread things my husband says when I'm unstable also. I relate. I'm glad you talked things over with your husband and feel more secure. Good luck on the med change. Keep us posted on how you are feeling.

[hopeless2015]

So glad you talked things through with your husband and are going in to see pdoc soon, hopefully they can make an adjustment that works out for the best. HUGS

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

I've been on a few meds that were deal breakers because they literally... Literally... Made me numb or very painful down there. I rather sort it out in my head myself then lose my ability to have sex. Even tried faking it. The physical pain wasn't worth the theater. Even now, it takes a few drinks for me to get into it and even then, I'm saying "omg hurry!" In my head lol. And I get your worries! My fiances first marriage ended with them in separate rooms for years. I never want to be like that.

He'll sometimes question me on why I've been different in that area and it's all the meds. I assure him I still love him the same, if not more. It sucks. I know. I wish I had more answers for you but I suggest communication and clarity. Let him know he is loved and it's not HIS fault. I hope he can understand and you guys can remain strong.

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[cashart10]

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better! Meds have effected my libido also and I worry that my marriage is falling a part because of this wretched illness. I understand how you are feeling on some level and I hope that the (what sounds god awful) health system improves and better suites your needs soon.

[GoldenSnitch]

I read this late but I'm glad you had a positive update. Take care of yourself ((hugs))

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[Unrigged64072835]

Glad to hear that you're taking action with the meds and talked it out with your husband.