Today started out good with a shower but unravelled from there. I did not stay on my diet and i have weigh-in tomorrow so it's bad timing.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by apfei

Today started out good with a shower but unravelled from there. I did not stay on my diet and i have weigh-in tomorrow so it's bad timing.

hugs to you jane.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Well, taking 3 Ativans did nothing for me except make me feel drunk. Now it's 2:45am and I'm wide awake!! I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 2am, which means I got a solid 3 hours of sleep.

2 hrs + 2 hrs + 3 hrs = 7hrs in the span of 4 days (i.e., 96 hours).

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Well, taking 3 Ativans did nothing for me except make me feel drunk. Now it's 2:45am and I'm wide awake!! I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 2am, which means I got a solid 3 hours of sleep.

2 hrs + 2 hrs + 3 hrs = 7hrs in the span of 4 days (i.e., 96 hours).

I am glad you have an appt with your pdoc today.


WC

I hope today will be better than yesterday.

ended up not so good (well it was okay,) what hhappened was that i told someone about a previous suicide pact i had with someone and that triggered me for the rest of the day

today is good so far

[p00dlez]

Well I had an ok weekend. My pancreas seems to have healed so I can eat again and I feel better. I did have a day where I was anxious and ruminating and talking to myself out loud again. It really makes me look crazy because I only say bits and pieces of the stuff that's going through my head. Should have took a klonopin. Next time that happens I am going to.

Think I talked my husband into getting me another cat. He wants a new car, we need one because ours got us out and wouldn't start. That's the 2nd time its stranded us. This time all it needed was a jump start. The last time after a while it just started working again.

Told him he could get a new car if I could get a new cat LOL. Honestly he could get the car without the cat but I thought I would throw it in there anyway lol. If I do get the cat its a long way away like 3 hours but its cute, its a baby snowshoe. Looks just like grumpy cat only its not deformed like that cat is.

[bizi]

[p00dlez]

Aww that looks just like him. Hope I can get him.

[dangerousanimals]

Ok, so I'm well-behaved in the morning, and then by mid afternoon I start thinking about the details of founding a cult because I could do that. *shrug* Probably good that my therapist appointment is this evening...right during my strangest hours.
And one of my friends is trying to set up a trip to NYC in January, so I have that to be over-excited about too. I had been wanting to disappear back to NYC. Splitting the costs (and having cautious friends around to make sure I don't do ridiculous things) will be a lot easier.
Going to shave the side of my head this morning (not for founding my "cult"... if I was doing that I'd shave my whole head again)

[Coconutzo]

I'm really happy.
I've had a great couple of days. I did a ton of shopping. I'm justifying it. My birthday is next week, but it was probably a little excessive.
Things are going super well in my relationship. We decided to start trying to have babies even though our lives are totally crazy right now. I'm over the moon.
Today I have lots of hang outs and 3 work outs planned. I'm hunkering down.This week looks like it is going to be emotionally challenging, and my partner is going out of town. I just need to keep my head down and behave...and pray to sweet baby Jesus that his drug addicted, mentally ill sister doesn't flip out when she finds out that she isn't getting her kids back. I'm solely responsible for her safety this week. There are a lot of triggers on the horizon for her, and she has tried to commit suicide 4 times this year. Luckily I'm 3 minutes away from the hospital.
Anyway! I'm in excellent spirits which is the best way to go into a week like this. Next week is my birthday and my boo boo gets back the day of. So pumped. We are going on a mini trip next weekend and I'm trying to plan a trip to Florida to see my bff. Also I'm refinancing my house, because when in Rome, PILE IT ON.
My penchant for chaos along with my smooth and unflinching handle on uncomfortable situations make me feel like a superhero. Also the amount of lucid flying dreams I have. Up, up, awayyyy!

[Gs550]

I have to go talk to my boss about getting my job back so that's a bit stressful. Also have my appt with a new pdoc as well as therapy tonight so I'm a bit busy.

I've definitely enjoyed my chance to rest but I do really need to get back to work. Boo.

[jacky8807]

I'm doing pretty good me thinks. Amen to that. Hope it sticks
And I hope everybody else feels good too!!

[whoamihere]

I came to work today! Yay me! I'm not being very productive but I'm here and I'm trying

[scatterbrained04]

I am no good. I give up.

[Unrigged64072835]

Got pictures from Sunday put up on Flickr. I take so many but I'm so picky about what I put up for public display.

Also cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the bedroom, and made dinner.

All in all a rather productive day.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

still feeling a little suicidal, and want to hide


but trying to just distract myself with other stuff.. i have another amazon parcel ariving today, i'm hopefully going to have beef burgers for dinner, and i'm currently on here


still it's all not enough

I'm sorry you are having those awful thoughts. I know that they can turn your life upside down. I hope you feel better soon.

[Gs550]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I am no good. I give up.

I'm sorry, I know how awful this feels. But don't give up.



So I just went to my new pdoc that I randomly picked from my insurance network. He happens to specialize in bipolar II. I sat there looking at all the books he's written on the subject and felt a little silly that I'd told him I found him through my insurance when he asked how I'd heard about him.

We're doubling my depakote so fingers crossed my hair doesn't fall out!

[hopeless2015]

Spent another day in bed. Did finally get up and take a shower. My husband is cooking supper and cleaning up the kitchen...he has to think I'm pathetic

[mindwrench]

I don't know if it is coincidence or not, but early this morning I self prescribed plenty of sedatives as I had been stuck in mixed manic way too long without sleeping more than 1-2 hours a day. I turned off my phone, and when I woke up I'm guessing 6 hours later I was dizzy, light headed and had no jitters or nervousness. I've had two energy drinks and half a pot of coffee today and still no jitters, just a awake and alert, a telltale sign for me that I am not manic right now. I went to the store and stood in line without fear, another sign. Sooo I don't know how long this will hold, but the mania is over for right now. I forgot what it was like to take a deep breath, and sit still.

[gina_re]

Just got back from my first support group! It was awesome!!

[Coconutzo]

Yay! Everything is great and everyone is getting better! ☀️

[bizi]

I was focused enough to do 3 hours of paper work!!!!!
I am all caught up filing! With the previous help of a friend of mine. It has always been an eyesore this past year just sitting there waiting to be filed, the pile just grew with time.
I can't believe it is done!!!
I feel quite proud of myself.
bizi

[Tucson]

I was very depressed today. Fortunately my mother was asleep until the afternoon when I also started feeling better. I have spent a few hundred dollars more than I had to spend. So I put the credit card away. I have my new computer and printer working for making professional photographic prints. My daughter became really whiny and felt put upon when asked to do something simple. I managed to get her to talk with me about it. I sent in a form to SSDI about my current employment. I basically told them that I lay on the sofa and watch TV for the money. LOL I have not told them about everything else like that I am taking care of my mother with advanced dementia and the stress that is involved.

I now have a grounding crystal (in an attempt to help me when things get out of control)
someone actually suggested i do this ages ago and i took no notice and thought.. hah, crystals, yeah. they are really going to help- but actually when i hold it in my hand, i do feel the energy inside it and hopefully it will help a bit more

[p00dlez]

Had an odd night. First there was a wreck about 2-3 miles from the house. Involved several cars and there was a school bus there too. Good thing my husband had stopped at my 2nd oldests house to sign some paperwork or he might have been involved in it. I have 4 grown kids, all boys.

Next we went grocery shopping and decided to use the self checkouts because it was so busy. It seemed to help with the anxiety so guess its self checkouts for me for now on.

After that we stopped by the other grocery store that has the Starbucks to get a coffee drink. When we come out I hear this strange flute music. I look over and a guy in a SUV was playing some sort of flute.

I did a double take because I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. I told my husband that there was some guy over there playing a flute. He said he heard him but didn't see him. So I guess flute guy really exists. Was kind of worried there for a minute if this was really happening or was I loosing it.

So far I have not had any hallucinations outside of a manic episode but that whole situation really made me wonder. I am glad my husband heard it too.