I'm doing good Very busy at work so it keeps my mind from wondering.......

No bike ride yesterday.

I'm not going to lie -- I'm kind of bummed about it. Will try again today or Wednesday, though.

I also have to invest in some winter tires, the studded kind. The problem is that the good tires are $120 a tire, and that's the summer sale price. :/

Will probably buy them today anyway.

[bizi]

feeling disappointed with myself after eating and drinking too much while supposedly on a diet.
sigh
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

(((((BIZI )))))

Easy does it!

You are a gem!


WC

[hopeless2015]

The last two days have been good, I haven't struggled with the morning depression like I was. I hope this lasts, I need a break from it

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[Anrea]

The depression phase set in. I am going to try what I always try - continue with routine, and not try to believe any reason my brain thinks up for being sad. I believe my sadness is just a low chemical in my brain that lacks the fight survival instinct, and my attaching reasons for being sad is just a human brain response to try and figure out why I lack the will to live.

Sigh. So anyway, I am thankful that heart beats and breathing come naturally - if they didn't I couldn't do it on my own.

Pretty upset with what happened at work today. Well, this sort of thing has been going on for a while.

Basically, I don't even have 1 year of experience because I just graduated from college, but everyone on my team has 10+ years of experience. What takes them 3-4 days takes me like 2 weeks because I have to spend my time learning things. Plus, my ADHD makes it hard to concentrate. So when I get given things, I try to learn, but then they rip the task away from me and give it to someone else more experienced "because I'm taking too long". So I've never actually finished a single task and I'm very frustrated because I can't learn anything.

I talked to my boss about this before (since he's not really involved with my team directly) and he said he'd talk to people to get them to help mentor me. But no one is mentoring me (even though they're supposed to) and everything gets ripped out of my hands and given to someone else. Like what am I supposed to do?

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Like what am I supposed to do?

Ask your co-workers politely for an opportunity to do your own work?

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Ask your co-workers politely for an opportunity to do your own work?

The team lead keeps taking away my tasks and giving the tasks to the people who are supposed to mentor me. Then these people don't say anything. I think they're afraid of going against the team lead... because the team lead technically has the final say.

I've tried talking to the team lead, and he's like, "Well, we need this done by a certain time." But my problem is that I can't go any faster because there's a steep learning curve and no one is helping me. I said this before and he's blatantly ignore it.

*sigh*

The situation you describe is not healthy for you... I advise you to have a firm discussion with your boss about what's been going on and why it's stifling your productivity, and, contingent upon management's reaction, begin looking for new work. They say that stress kills, but if you have a mental illness, stress can drive you mad and cause you to publicly self-immolate before it kills you.

[Coconutzo]

Im exercising my arse off. Im taking my vitamins.I have an appointment with a new acupuncturist today per my therapists suggestion. I'm angry. I've been so angry. I'm angry enough that I'm excited to burn my life down and start new. Im zeroing my focus in. I'm going to be better than ever, a force to be reckoned with, a champion over the giant trash heap that is the old coconutzo and her antics.
I'm finding new role models and new motivation. I'm finally ready to buckle down and work for it.

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Anger sucks. I'm a victim of my own anger.

I'm not a scientist and have studied millenia of Asian art and culture (behold, disclaimers and virtue signaling come before a bomb) but a number of recent credible scientific studies have exposed and dismissed acupuncture as "A Theatrical Placebo."

Google "acupuncture versus placebo", watch your sources, do some reading and have a discussion with your therapist. Apologies if this revelation and suggestion make you even more angry.

[Coconutzo]

I read a couple of articles. While they are thoroughly researched and well written,I'm not sure what to take away. I have seen profound results from acupuncture in the past, with it curing tendinitis that neither my doctor nor my occupational therapist could take care of. I was told that I would have to entirely stop and change my career before I saw the witch doctor that healed me with his little needles.I don't know if that is me just extra susceptible to the placebo effect or if the needles themselves were actually helpful. All I know is that it helped. I'm not saying that this visit will help treat the manic depression, but I'm hoping it releives some pain and frustration. I'm terrified of taking more meds because of the struggles I've had with them recently so maybe this is some sort of last ditch effort to stay under medicated. Maybe this is a cowards avoidance. Maybe it's all ********.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'm always interested in information, even if I'm not sold. Here goes nothing. Let's see how it turns out.

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Gabyunbound: Sorry to hear about Schnookie. My dog is also having a rocky recovery from her teeth cleaning and i know what a worry a sick pet is. I think the worst of it is behind us tho. It's so easy to fall in love with them!

I had my first good night's sleep since Thursday and feel ever so much better. We have a follow-up appointment at the vet today so hopefully our doctor will agree that she's on the mend.

Coconutzo: There's an acupuncturist in Manoa who claims to have treated a long string of ex-boyfriends for their 'manic depression' with her needles, and is so confident that she can fix my wagon that she has offered to do it for free, managing to combine the dubious promise of a primitive therapy with a savior complex. No thanks.

Not to back-talk your response, but placebo therapy (without the needles) has been scientifically proven to be effective in a wide variety of contexts. Thanks for not jumping down my throat.

[OctobersBlackRose]

My hair color.turned out weird, violet on top and black on the bottom, oh well not going to.redo it right away cause I don't want to try my hair. Feeling bad for spending so much money last week, that isn't normal for me, even though the amount may be low to you guys it was about $230 between Thursday and Friday, very abnormal for me.to.spend that much in the span of two days.
And I keep.doing reality checks cause Im believing we live in a computer simulation again,x the feeling of not being real is overwhelming, and I don't think it is the medication since I'd have these feelings before I was.ever on medications in the first place, so idk.
Oh and got.my appitite back.

[Unrigged64072835]

Today was strange. Was really tired but could not sleep. Pretty much the same day as always except for the tiredness.

[mossanimal]

Positively skipping right now....

[Wander]

Couldn't stop crying yesterday. Felt so depressed, alone and hopeless. Cried through the movies I watched and drank too much beer. Feeling crap this morning. Trying to motivate myself to go for a walk and then study. Seems like the world is crushing in on me. Thankfully I see my T today. Hope that helps.

Had decent day despite feeing utterly horrible this morning.

Saw my GP. She was weirdly knowledgeable about BP, ADHD, etc.. When I told her which medications I was on, she was like, "Oh, lamictal? ah, mood stabilizer. Good for depression. Ah, and Strattera? Obviously for ADHD. Good, good. Oh, Ativan? Is that for your anxiety and to help you sleep?" I was like "HOLY SH.T ...You ACTUALLY know what you're talking about without having to Google things!"

My old GP... well... She never had a clue what she was talking about. I can imagine what went on in her head when I told her I was BP. "What's a 'bi-polar'? Bi-polar bear? Like those bears in Antarctica who go from the north pole to the south pole, hence bi-polar bear? I WANT ONE."

BlueBicycle: You're so funny! Bipolar bear, indeed! I find my GP is very well-informed, too. Glad you have a goodie!

[MobiusPsyche]

Had am intense session with T after an exhausting day on Monday. To be followed by an even more exhausting day Thursday. Aaarrrrgggghhhhh.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by bizi

oh yes definitely hypo! Do you have any meds to take when You get like this? or shall you call your pdoc?
bizi

Upping my Seroquel helps sometimes, and my pdoc approved of me doing this when getting hypo/manic, so I think I'll go ahead and take the higher dose until I talk to her again. She is back in the office Friday. I'm wondering if a medication needs to be added as well (I'm taking Lamictal, Seroquel, and Klonopin), so I'll definitely need to talk to her.

I feel a lot better! Had a rough patch but I'm getting back to a better place, mentally. I had to remind myself it WOULD pass. That's my mantra.

feeling lightheaded this morning

actually walked across the room and nearly fell over

last night was a hot night and didn't actually drink much.. so i think that's partly to blame, i am going to make up for it today
tv has crashed again, what i really need to do is get someone out to look at it, it's just the courage to talk to them about it.

got my refund on my sterrio (the one that broke after a week). new one due to arive tomorrow, so will give me something to set up

getting the lion king movie today delivered, the diamond edition

can you believe i love the lion king but never actually owned it?. that's embarrasing