Went for a quick bike ride this morning! Only spent 1 hour riding because I have to start work at 9:30am. Managed to go 10 miles, though! Feeling super refreshed and it's helping my depression a bit.

Now it's time for a relaxing, cold shower.

Today is off to a good start -- and let's keep it that way.

[xRavenx]

I can't believe I forgot to take one of my meds last night. I had racing thoughts while half-asleep (and awake) and was even sort of dreaming on and off about distressing things and people, waking up half way not being able to sleep, and even hearing conversations. I was out last night, so that could be why I forgot, and I've been scattered. Naturally, I woke up irritable. I took Klonopin to help alleviate this, although I must wait to take my Seroquel tonight since it will knock me out during the day. Sigh. I also have my cup of coffee, so maybe that will help just a little bit with getting through the day. My therapy appointment was changed for today, so that's something I look forward to.

[hopeless2015]

There is some kind of machinery running outside our building that sounds like a siren going off over and over and over, it's totally wrecked my concentration...**** I already struggle with this. They need to be done!

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[Coconutzo]

I'm feeling good. Angry and folded into myself but ready

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[jpb4815]

Anticipating doom at marriage counseling, think we are going to discuss separation.

[hopeless2015]

Doing OK this afternoon, have t after work today. Met with bankruptcy attorney to sign papers, finally getting close to a file date, decided he should wait till September to file because my income has gone down due to missed work the last six months...this should actually help me out

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[zijax]

Angry and Tired and Guilty for being Angry and Tired

[Unrigged64072835]

Much talk about meds, drivers, gifts, school, and what type of water dish to get for the cats. Never a dull moment here.

ETA: and her best friend is near a large tornado. Joy!

My dog is doing well today. She ate three small meals of her special food and kept them all down. I think she's on the mend at last.

I'm feeling tired and rundown from all the disrupted sleep these past six days. I even got flickers of high mood yesterday -- poor sleep leads to hm for me. But today i feel down and even mildly depressed so i'm not worried about hm anymore. The light hurts my eyes. Two hours until it's dark.

[VerMOZZica]

I went out to lunch with my big sis today so that was nice.But here comes the night.I start to feel even more depressed when it gets dark it`s also the time I feel the most lonely.Don`t know why.

I paid a scholar in California $75 (he wanted $100!) to translate a signature from archaic Japanese but my appraiser friend told me that the translated artist's name wasn't known, so the information I paid for profited me nothing.

So I started out down $75, but I made it through the day without popping a single benzo, which calls for a tickertape parade. Maybe if I hadn't blown the $75 on the useless signature, I would have had enough to pay for a decent quantity of tickertape for the parade. If tickertape still exists, I'll bet it's available on Amazon Prime.

I realized today that my brother's an even bigger jerk than I am. The horror.

[hopeless2015]

Going into work late but I'm going, I had 3 really good days in a row but woke up in depression this morning get, going to push myself through it, I need to stay out of the bed

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[Coconutzo]

Woke up soooo angry.

AND AT NOTHING!!! Wtf!?!?
Yesterday I was a little ball of motivation and energy. Today I just want to beat the ever loving $#|+ out of someone.
--Must channel negative energy into something positive--
Fighting with mindfulness and affirmations. I keep screaming at myself and the world, " I forgive you for everything", " I recognize my feelings, and I can let them be" , "It's all F^^^ing good"
I'll just work, see my therapist and go for a long angry run. Burn the demons out. If I get through today without losing it on someone or breaking things, it will be a miracle.
Why does this garbage always build!?! I'm building a hideous house out of glorious garbage.
Nothing is good enough


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[Daonnachd]

At work, so that's good.
On my way here, telling myself to be safe, I ended up doing 75 on a 45mph road. Risky behavior. However, when I later considered overtaking another vehicle by crossing solid lines, I restrained myself. I don't want to injure someone else.

I'm becoming increasingly anxious about my ECT on Monday. I would welcome reassuring words from any fellow ECT patients.

[scatterbrained04]

Accidently revealed I was bipolar to 3 people at work today because I said I found something one of them said was offensive Wasn't thinking.

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[raspberrytorte]

I'm being sued for medical debt I owe and have to go to court.

At the moment I'm not getting state insurance because for some reason they couldn't match my social security number with their files. (?) So I have to provide other proof that I live here.

I received another enormous medical bill I owe and if I don't pay that immediately I'm going to be sued again.

**** my life.

[Unrigged64072835]

Finally got myself out of the house and got my nails done. If they weren't working on them I would've bitten them off. I hate agoraphobia.

[OctobersBlackRose]

DBT groups was cancelled yesterday, was a little upset that I was the only one that showed up, but it wasn't the end of the world, my therapist seen me earlier than our scheduled appointment, so it wasn't all bad. Started my twice daily dose of Geodon yesterday, good thing cause it'll hopefully keep me from having hallucinations, paranoia and delusions (well at least tone them down to where I can recognize my thinking is off) when my med wares off. Tuesday I was convinced the police were after me after a dream a very vivid two dreams actually where I stole.something and went to jail, so I closed my blinds and curtains and hid under my blankets everytime I heard sirens. The same day I had a very real tactical hallucination where something stuck a needle into my outer thigh and took out blood making both legs woozy and weak like when you get blood drawn from your arm and it feels funny after (well for me it does). But you can't convince me that what I felt wasn't real, yes I know it was a hallucination, but it was so real, all I was doing was playing on my phone, and boom my blood is being taken from my thigh, wtf. This all happened Tuesday morning before I took my meds, well the police thing stayed with me through yesterday. Idk it's weird, all weird...

[Nammu]

Tomorrow gotta clean, Saturday they come and get the rest of the furniture, Sunday I start the road trip. Took my car in to get the oils topped off and a general pre trip check-up..found the brakes needed replacing....sigh. Could have a really nice two nights in a hotel for that price. But the peace of mind is priceless...I guess.

Worried....

[jpb4815]

Worried also. And confused.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by vertigo

At work, so that's good.
On my way here, telling myself to be safe, I ended up doing 75 on a 45mph road. Risky behavior. However, when I later considered overtaking another vehicle by crossing solid lines, I restrained myself. I don't want to injure someone else.

I'm becoming increasingly anxious about my ECT on Monday. I would welcome reassuring words from any fellow ECT patients.

You have had ECT before, haven't you? What makes you so anxious about it this time?

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wander

You have had ECT before, haven't you? What makes you so anxious about it this time?

Yes, I have had. I don't know exactly why I'm so worked up about it, but it's been this way for the last few treatments.

Today i made lasagne. I did the shopping for it and the cooking all in one day. It's unusual for me to be so active. Then i cleaned up the balcony: washed the chair and mopped. "A body in motion... "

My dog's stomach troubles have gone away thankfully but she is still not concentrating her pee properly so she's peeing frequently and it's pale, odorless and dilute. The vet insists her kidney function tested normal before her dental procedure and the ER ruled out a urinary tract infection so i don't know what it is. The vet says to bring her in with a sample on Monday if she's not better. She's not having peeing accidents tho thankfully.

I slept better and am feeling more healthy overall. We even got in our long walk last night. I'm enjoying my home more recently since i stopped going to my drop-in. I really do make a nice home! I'm a good home-maker! When i used the oven today it was for the first time in over a year. I'm really happy to be making better use of my home. I sat out on my clean balcony tonight to enjoy the twilight -- another thing i haven't done at all this Summer.

[Coconutzo]

I realized in therapy today that emotionally I've given up on myself. I've been angry because I'm in fight or flight. I don't feel like there is any reason to live.

Look mom, I learned something!

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