[JustJace2u]

*waves to the crowd*

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I don't think this post is triggering, but... it's better to be safe than sorry. So I guess trigger warning?

-----

Sometimes I have phases where I don't feel like taking my meds, usually because they don't work well for me or because I think I'm "cured". I mean, why take something that doesn't work or why take something if you're cured, right?

Yeah, my meds don't work right now. They suck. My pdoc increased one of my dosages, but the same thing happens over and over: I increase my dose, I feel better, but then later I get hit with a harder depression and need to increase my dose again.

Very frustrating and discouraging.

That is all.

Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. This illness is just is so difficult. You're right, things DO suck sometimes and pdocs/therapists often don't seem to relate.

I just wanted to let you know that we are here to support you. PM me anytime if you need a listening ear.

I also think you should consider IP if you think it will help you. You've mentioned it and I know you are struggling. It happens.

IP is not a "vacation" but it can help us push the reset button, so to speak. My pdoc has told me that if I am not functioning and able to care for myself daily, ongoing...then IP is appropriate. It can be preventative in the sense that it helps you get back to a bit of a baseline before things get worse.

It sounds like your meds are not working, as you clearly stated. Having a completely different pdoc (IP) make some changes and see how you adjust IP can really be a game-changer.

I'm not pushing IP on you. I just wanted you to know we care about you, you have our support - and that sometimes we need IP. The cost should not be something to concern yourself right now.

Thinking of you.

[Gabyunbound]

Not sleeping... Need sleep!

Played extremely aggressively in Scrabble and won all my games! It was just absurd how aggressive i was! But it paid off today! Doesn't always.

It was a dreary rainy day and stupid hot and humid so i felt pretty lousy otherwise. Tomorrow is going to be moderate tho. It was just swarthy today -- so gross.

[Victoria'smom]

Took a shower for the first time in 12 days I'm questioning my bipolarity vs. just psychosis. Whether my lack of interacting with others, no motivation, and sleeping is a depressed thing or not. I see new T next Wednesday and new pdoc next Thursday. I don't want to. I want to keep my shot and that's it. I like thinking everything is fine even if it's not. I don't want to go to the appointments alone, I'm dreading it.

[Nammu]

Seeing new Pdocs and Ts is very nerve wrecking, hugs to you

I'm absorbed with the task of reducing exposure, reducing interaction, reducing risk. No unnecessary communication, trips, visits, favors asked or granted. I took down a big 3' by 8' bookshelf that had been hanging in the front room, but termites had infested interstitial layers in the plywood and showered us and our belongings with their droppings. I know I need to exercise to keep from gaining weight again but everything hurts from all the work. I am a fugitive from my own madness.

[gina_re]

It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning

[Gabyunbound]

Still sleep-deprived and getting more and more hyper. Afraid I'm going hypo. Called in sick to work today, afraid of how I'll be. Maybe I'll take a morning Seroquel (usually only take it at night) and see if I can sleep. Or not. I don't feel like sleeping for anything.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Seeing new Pdocs and Ts is very nerve wrecking, hugs to you

when do you see them?
how is your back?
bizi

Slept through the night last night. No nightmares. Didn't wake up even once that I recall. A rare event!

[Gs550]

Went to bed early last night but kept waking up. Since I've taken time off work I'm less stressed out but I'm still pretty down.

I had plans to go out tonight, I don't know if getting out of the house would be good for me or if socializing will be too stressful.

Made an appointment with a new pdoc yesterday, which is good, but they require a full physical before they'll prescribe. So now I have to go to my PCP. Who, I just found out yesterday when I tried to get the appointment, doesn't take my insurance anymore. So now I have to find a new PCP. That was too much for me yesterday, I'll get it done today.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Still sleep-deprived and getting more and more hyper. Afraid I'm going hypo. Called in sick to work today, afraid of how I'll be. Maybe I'll take a morning Seroquel (usually only take it at night) and see if I can sleep. Or not. I don't feel like sleeping for anything.

this sounds hypo already.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[whoamihere]

After a long depression this summer it's hard to tell what's "normal". I might be a little hypo right now, I'm super agitated. I'm sleeping but waking up several times a night because I'm too hot, too cold, have to pee...but I don't feel tired during the day. Life on a roller coaster never gets dull

[Gabyunbound]

Thanks Bizi. I want to see the sunrise. It's 645 and the sun is coming up. It's chilly hear on the Central Coast, but it might be a nice day. I'm thinking of jumping in the car and going down Route 1 just to see what I might come across and exit where it seems interesting. It would be a fun roadtrip.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Thanks Bizi. I want to see the sunrise. It's 645 and the sun is coming up. It's chilly hear on the Central Coast, but it might be a nice day. I'm thinking of jumping in the car and going down Route 1 just to see what I might come across and exit where it seems interesting. It would be a fun roadtrip.

Let someone know that you are taking off....
bizi

[hopeless2015]

Didn't want to get up today, it's been dreary and cloudy here for a couple of days and that's good sleeping weather. Plus husband is taking a vacation day, but I got my *** up and came to work. My goal is to make it though next pay period with no fmla days.

[JustJace2u]

I think I'm coming out of a hypo phase, not sure though. Still only sleeping 3-4 hours a night but feeling more depressed. Maybe it's just stress because of all the changes in my life that have happened and continue to happen. Thankfully I get to spend time with my folks this weekend, which is a rare event since we live in different states. Hoping I don't have a meltdown like I did yesterday.

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Thanks Bizi. I want to see the sunrise. It's 645 and the sun is coming up. It's chilly hear on the Central Coast, but it might be a nice day. I'm thinking of jumping in the car and going down Route 1 just to see what I might come across and exit where it seems interesting. It would be a fun roadtrip.

My first ever manic break I drove back and forth Florida for weeks to see the sun come up, go down, come up, go down. In between making giant murals with black paint and broken glass on my apartment walls.

Be careful!
And have fun!

[OctobersBlackRose]

My cat is in attack mode today, my arms and hands are all bitten up, and on top of that he's chewing on my new Pusheen plush (had to move her to a high shelf) and my unicorn pillow pet. Hopefully he doesn't decide to go after my Nemo fish next. I have a lot of stuffed animals.

[Gs550]

I was getting really anxious so I took clonazepam which I very rarely take. But then, because I was feeling sort of anxious and drowsy at the same time, I went for a walk.

I used to run 3 miles most days. Then I got heel spurs which sidelined me for a long time. They're acting up, but not bad. I just desperately wanted to run because I knew it would make me feel better. So I did. My feet might be sore tomorrow but right now I've got a great runner's high.

Not bad considering 2 days ago I couldn't stop crying and almost needed IP.

Crucial things totally piling up, yet immobilized. Hopeless. But with rapid-fire talking spells, aggression at work and shout out directives to complete strangers on crowded bus. Slept zero other night. Overwhelmed, hopeless, thoughts jumbled. (More came to mind, edited out to spare you because...)

Writing even that much out just made it clearer.

****
.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Crucial things totally piling up, yet immobilized. Hopeless. Interspered with rapid-fire talking spells, aggression at work and shout out directives to complete strangers on crowded bus. Slept zero other night. Overwhelmed, hopeless, thoughts jumbled. (More came to mind, edited out to spare you because...)

Writing even that much out just made it clearer.

****

Concerned about you!

WC

Thanks, WC. It's the hardest state for me to recognize in any kind of timely manner. And once I realize it, can't figure out how on earth I couldn't see it. (!!!!!)

Take it all on as a force of nature. Eat Doritos crumbs for breakfast in the afternoon. While being agitated but unable to get out of bed. Anxiety high. Hate this.

(Edited. Decisions?? Wth am I talking about.)

[Gabyunbound]

Finally got some sleep! Though part of me is disappointed I feel like crap, like having a hangover.