[fishin fool]

Found out today my cousin is bipolar.
I never told him that I was and he never told me that he was.
It makes total sense knowing the history of our family.
I guess we have something to talk about now.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by apfei

I decided to cancel some oral surgery i booked. I had botched oral surgery when i was 14 and i just can't go thru that again. I'll change up my blood pressure meds [they were impacting my gums], and step up my hygiene and cleanings but i just can't go under the knife again. A weight off my shoulders.

I hope it works out for the best. I had oral surgery in June. The pain was excruciating, but it's over and done with. Because I had waited so long to get my wisdom teeth removed, they were deep in there and were difficult to remove. But I'm pretty sure you have a completely different situation.

[Nammu]

Did errands this morning including stopping at the library to pick up a hot spot wifi. Get three weeks of free wifi and can renew it when I take it back! Picked up the application for medical help and plan to stop by the hospital to find someone to talk to about insurance here, I think they might have someone to talk to, I'm confused on what is available here. Should probably call around for Pdocs and get on a list so when I get covered I have an appointment and don't need to wait months. I have just under 3 months worth of meds so I need to get the ball rolling.
Things are going good at mums, we're settling in and learning how to live together.

[xRavenx]

Racing thoughts are present now.....but some of it is situational. I posted about this in the "Psychotherapy" part of my program in full detail, but my therapist revealed that my ex boyfriend was her previous client, and she talked about him in detail and gossiped about him to me: using what she knew about him to give me advice. For all I know, she can do the same to me....for instance, if he were to come back to her for therapy, she can say she knows me and tell him details. She said not to tell him what she told me about him. A few weeks ago on this forum, I posted how I was glad I found a therapist I can trust. Well, now I am left without a therapist and must start from the beginning more damaged than ever.

[raspberrytorte]

Shot day.

Whining about having to get it.

Mom: Stop whining. You have to go and get your poison. You did this to yourself.

A little bit later. Telling mom that we need to stop at the gas station afterwards so I can get smokes.

Mom: Cancer sticks. Another poison.

My mom is funny. She made me geek out.

I did do this to myself.

I saved a dove's life today. I can't get into it without revealing too much about myself or the dove, but I didn't lose an eye. My wife dropped mad knowledge today, that the rollercoaster I've been on forever has actually been one long painful hypomanic episode that began in 2014. I hadn't put this together on my own partly because my wife sees the big picture over the long term and partly because I'm an idiot. This changes the math, and changes the projected crash: we can both feel the tide of energy sour and ebb and whatever comes next is going to be painful as vivisection. There's still so much work to do... I don't know what else to tell you.

that we're turning down a $2800 job from California just because we know it's going to suck.

I know what's coming, and I want to be prepared; cauterize certain relations, cache certain stores, stay in the boat except for rapid daylight scuttles to the USPS, bank, Marukai, Costco, Lowe's and Ho' Depot.

[Coffeee]

Went to the farmers market today, had less anxiety while in the car, which is good. I went to my support group and they had great positive feedback for me. I'm getting along great with my family that I live with, they made hamburgers for dinner which were yummy, with some of the vegetables that I bought.

I'm just so glad that we moved and everything is going well for a change it's a great relief.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

that we're turning down a $2800 job from California just because we know it's going to suck.

Yep, just sent out that note of cancellation, a $2800 self-inflicted kick in the pills which I felt behind my ears.

suicidal feelings have been the subject of the last few days.

nothing as serious as when i thought of going to an assisted clinic, but things have been bad in terms of wanting to, really wanting to

thankfully i've not actually done anything serious (yet), but i think it's on the cards

[gina_re]

I've been having bizarre dreams lately and they put me in a crappy mood when I get up. I can't even begin to tell you what they were about, but some of the images keep popping back up in my head and bother me.

Edit: I've also come to the reality that I probably need to go back into therapy, but it's not in the budget right now. Especially since I have a wedding to go to in November.

[gina_re]

I'm annoyed. I can't get anything done. I just want to run away and forget all of this..

[hopeless2015]

Hugs Gina, I've been there it's so frustrating

[raspberrytorte]

I feel much better today. Night and day.

[Gs550]

I think I'm a little better today because I told my work I needed time off so there's a huge relief. I can focus on myself and hopefully feel better. Plus a friend has offered to buy me a plane ticket to go visit her and I might do that. Change of scenery for a few days.

I still feel pretty bad, like a failure because I'd been doing so much better and I've just sort of fallen apart.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Hugs Gina, I've been there it's so frustrating

I had my pity party and cried it out. I decided to pop a Vistaril to calm me down because I didn't want another day to have to leave early. And I seem to be ok now. So I ran to the store for a Red Bull so I can get my energy back up and make up for all the work I've been slacking on today...
I hope you're doing ok.

[hopeless2015]

This has been a good week for me, I'm feeling stable and it's been awhile since I could say that.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Fell last night after some really bad pain in my pelvic region like I had period cramps, but they weren't, I think it was a gas bubble, but got really dizzy and fell, hit my head, and scraped my elbow. I'm okay now, but that scared me last night, luckly it was in my bathroom and I didn't try going downstairs. Other than that spent today in bed, watching TV and stuff, going to eat in a little bit so I can take my meds.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope you're doing okay, OctobersBlackRose.

My husband has been working in my home office so it's kind of disrupted things a bit. Hopefully he'll be done tomorrow. Then I can go back to working on my pictures.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Racing thoughts are present now.....but some of it is situational. I posted about this in the "Psychotherapy" part of my program in full detail, but my therapist revealed that my ex boyfriend was her previous client, and she talked about him in detail and gossiped about him to me: using what she knew about him to give me advice. For all I know, she can do the same to me....for instance, if he were to come back to her for therapy, she can say she knows me and tell him details. She said not to tell him what she told me about him. A few weeks ago on this forum, I posted how I was glad I found a therapist I can trust. Well, now I am left without a therapist and must start from the beginning more damaged than ever.

Omg, that was so wrong of her, I hope.you can find a new therapist you can trust. Hugs

[Coconutzo]

I'm feeling pretty stable. I've been very good to myself.
Thank goodness, because my life is upside down. I'm gonna need my strength. My boyfriend's sister moved in with us last night, and she is so much worse off than we thought.
I'm feeling thankful for the strength of my relationship, for the resources available to us, and for my ability to handle chaos

WC - huge hugs to you.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's so stressful, I was dissociated when I wrote it and did not know I had written it until I found it when reading the thread.




WC

It was fine! We are just sharing our empathy for you. xo

I don't think this post is triggering, but... it's better to be safe than sorry. So I guess trigger warning?

-----

Sometimes I have phases where I don't feel like taking my meds, usually because they don't work well for me or because I think I'm "cured". I mean, why take something that doesn't work or why take something if you're cured, right?

Yeah, my meds don't work right now. They suck. My pdoc increased one of my dosages, but the same thing happens over and over: I increase my dose, I feel better, but then later I get hit with a harder depression and need to increase my dose again.

Very frustrating and discouraging.

That is all.

[Daonnachd]

I had ECT yesterday. It had only been 10 days since the last one, so no surprise that I came out of it fairly confused.

I'm adapting.

[Coffeee]

I had a very relaxing down beat kind of day with nothing planned. Just what I needed! I also managed to walk 3 of the four dogs here at once, which is impressive cause it's right next to the road on the shoulder, and two of them are strong breeds.( Bull terrier and pitbull mix).