[ComfortablyNumb5]

So I'm one month sober after a Sui attempt and IP. For the last four years I was addicted to suboxone and alcohol on and off. I did and took anything just to not feel. Like pink Floyd would say... I was comfortably numb. In IP I started geodon and I'm doing great on it. But usually meds would dull my emotions too. Well not lately. I cry at everything now. I had to change the channel because a documentary on 9/11 was upsetting me. Im also working on my anger which is a problem I've always had. When I feel now, I feel with a passion. I can feel my heart breaking. It's not fun but I guess I have to get used to it for the sake of my sobriety. I'm not saying this is bad... It's healthy to feel, to cry, to see things in the light for once.

I guess this is more of a rant. Thanks for reading!

[raspberrytorte]

It's good to let out your emotions, rx.

It's better then being numb. Being numb isn't healthy in my opinion because stuff just builds up and up.

Like right now I'm so numb I can't even cry and it sucks.

Hugs, rx.

[Ripose]

Emotions in some people are felt so strongly that they feel as if they are consuming the soul. They grasp the mind and brain and twist the very life out of them. It is people like this that seek to numb themselves with any method they can find. I did it with alcohol for 40 years and now I do it with medication. Anytime I start to feel a real emotion I am on the search for a med to quickly tamp it down.

I think that everyone with a MI is one of these people and I often wonder why we developed such a strong sense of emotion, at times I think we were meant to be the creators, the dreamers and the artists that propel the world ahead. When society tries to crush us down to fit the norm, our emotions scream out for release and we seek something to numb the mind.

Now at 55 years old I am afraid to feel any emotion and I wonder what has the world lost from slamming me down?

It takes time to learn how to feel "normal" emotions and I hope you find that time or that you find a creative outlet for the overpowering sensations that sweep through you.

Darcy

[Unrigged64072835]

Yeah, it is scary when you have your emotions back. Give yourself lots of care as they emerge.

[hopeless2015]

Hugs RX, it's hard but your doing a great job. Be kind to yourself

[JustJace2u]

I learned this past week that sometimes all a person needs is a good cry. I literally sat in my therapists office and cried for a good 10-15 minutes because I'm so angry but also feeling selfish and jealous at a current situation I'm in with my family.

[jpb4815]

when I first tried to conquer life without heroin I was at a loss, due to the extenuating circumstances around my recovery I had nothing to identify with. I had used being an addict for so long that it sort of defined me. It took a while and lots of back and forth with my therapist to change what I identified with. I could not deal with the emotions that I had bottled up, so I chose to be stoic instead. It wasnt until my father died of an OD that I even realized how stoic I had become. Needless to say I was a mess when they finally surfaced. Thankfully I found a healthy outlet and crafted my way out of it.
Hang in there, they will come back, hopefully for your sake you can find a healthy outlet. I know AA NA isnt your thing, but sometimes lurking helps. You get to feel other peoples emotions and get perspective in how others deal. Not all groups are about working the steps, some of them are about learning how to handle new sobriety.

[mindwrench]

For several years the only emotions that have still been vivid are fear and anger. Though recently things have been changing in my head, and I have experienced the sharp pain in my heart of hurting at random times. I was like what the hell, as I cried and had forgot how fresh pure heartache felt. The last few manic episodes I had the euphoria at times was the best thing I have ever felt in my life, or at least can remember feeling. I don't know what it all means, but I feel like some emotion is returning ironically at the same time I am falling into the depths of my own mental problems.

[fishin fool]

I agree with Ripose that people with MI feel emotions very deeply.
Sometimes that can truly be a curse and we all find ways to deal with.
Sometimes they are not healthy ways as we all know.
I am going on a bit here because I really want to offer some sound advice
but I am not sure I have it to offer.
RXQ you are correct that we need to see things clearly but I am still trying
to figure out what that is for folks like us that deal with MI.
I am happy for your sobriety and we are all here for you. I wish you happiness.
Sorry for going on like this in no real direction.