Dealing with grief

My grandmother died Tuesday. I was able to tell her good bye privately before she passed and I believe she heard me. We were very special to each other because we're the only ones in the family with a mental illness, bipolar disorder. Unfortunately my anxiety prevented me from going to the funeral. I feel peace with her spirit but guilt for not being there for my mother. Any thoughts on grief or death?

Sorry for your loss. No real words of wisdom...lost my grandma a little over 3 weeks ago. I'm struggling while I spent lots of time with her even the days before she died...I just feel very detached from everyone and everything unless I'm in a near blind rage. But I wish you the best in grief process.

My heart goes out to you. My grandmother passed away about 3 years ago and it hit me hard. She had paranoid schizophrenia and had become paranoid of everyone except her brother who stood by her side until her passing well into her 90's because she fell off a chair. I had so much guilt for the time I didn't spend with her. I'm still not recovered.

My grandma and I were close when I was younger but I didn't talk to her for years before her passing. I can imagine it would have been much more difficult for me if I had been close to her like you were with your grandma. Give yourself time to grieve....I suspect it will take a long time with bumpy patches along the way. (((Hugs))))

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your deep loss. Grief is healthy at this stage. So many emotions will flow through you such as the joy of the good memories, anger, overwhelming sadness at the loss which cannot be reversed and anxiety. Where are you at with your mental health? Grief can trigger episodes or make them worse. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Sorry you couldn't attend the funeral. i hope you don't feel guilty about that as it is not your fault.

I am so sorry for your loss.

but you got to say goodbye to her, and that's important

my grandmother is still alive, however I am now allowed to talk to her or see her (family stuff), and I need to find a way to say goodbye

I'm so sorry for your loss of your grandmother. It's terrible losing someone who meant so much to you. Grief is expressed different in everyone. I'm glad you are able to find peace and comfort in her spirit. My best friend who was like a sister to me died Jan 20 of this year. As I was driving home on the day she passed, I looked at the sky, saw some sun, and felt comfort that she is in a better place.

As far as anxiety goes and not being able to be at the funeral, I've known numerous people who are unable to attend funerals for this reason. It's normal for you to feel the way you do, and everyone's comfort level and way of mourning varies from person to person, and that's perfectly okay. Please take care of yourself during this time.

I don't have advice for you but I also don't think you did anything wrong. We all handle grief in our own way. And nobody knows how they're going to react to losing a loved one. I hope you are not being too hard on yourself for being human.

I am sorry for your loss. About a year and a half ago I lost my husband unexpectedly. Twenty years prior I had lost my father. Losing my father taught me a lot about grief and loss that I was then able to apply to losing my husband. The main thing I learned is do not stuff your feelings. Make sure you allow yourself to intensely feel the loss. Cry if you need to. Find someone to talk about it with (friend, family member, therapist). Writing letters to your grandmother might help in days when you really miss her. I wrote a few to my husband.

Just don't deny your grief. You have to feel it eventually. With my father I denied it for ten years and suffered greatly because of it. Once I was able to process the grief I did much better.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to not be there.

I'm so sorry for your loss, catlover. She DID hear you. (This was something that particularly caught my eye for having had the situation with my own grandmother over 20 years ago -- in a coma shortly before they turned the life support off) Even in a coma, even if not being able to make the least movement, hearing persists. I don't know your exact circumstances of course, but wanted to let you know that even in worst state, she would hear you. I hope that gives you comfort.

As far as thoughts on grief, the most basic is to be gentle with yourself. Banish the word "should". It is personal. This is YOUR journey through it. Do be prepared for unexpected waves. They are ok, and totally normal. It will be ok. It just takes time.

Sorry for the loss of your grandmother.