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#926
Apr 17, 2017, 01:52 PM
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 AmandaBroken, jacky8807, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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 AmandaBroken
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#927
Apr 17, 2017, 03:39 PM
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Finished signing up for school. It was expensive. I may not go this route because I can't afford it.
Didn't do much today because my back hurts. It's been hurting since last night. If it keeps hurting I'll go to the ER but all they'll give me is muscle relaxers. Been wound up today, even with a nap. Just trying to calm down again. |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, jacky8807, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#928
Apr 17, 2017, 04:18 PM
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Didn't do too much today. It's my last day of vacation. Back to work tomorrow. Probably a good thing. Takes my mind off the depression. Had wanted to do a bunch of cleaning today but just couldn't get up the energy. Trying not to beat myself up over it. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge now where I could either get better or get much much worse. Probably worse if I can't start caring and doing things to help myself. It's so hard not having anyone around to point out when I start making terrible decisions.
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| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, gina_re, jacky8807, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#929
Apr 17, 2017, 04:20 PM
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15 more minutes at work, it's been a struggle this afternoon. I have plenty to do but concentration is shot for the day. I did get stuff done though, seems like I've been off forever and having a hard time getting back into the groove. Oh well hopefully each day will get a little better. Honestly I struggle with concentration quite a bit though, don't know if it's the meds or what....frustrating
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| AmandaBroken, bizi, gina_re, jacky8807, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#930
Apr 17, 2017, 04:28 PM
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My Seroquel and Klonopin didn't kick in for hours yesterday. I was up until 5 AM, not feeling I was tired at all. Hopefully tonight will be more "normal." After all, I have work at 10 AM tomorrow (and an hour commute getting there).
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| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bizi, jacky8807, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#931
Apr 17, 2017, 05:16 PM
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night shift still messing with me
not getting good sleep racy thoughts and feeling creepy crawly all over my body trying to use mindfulness and all that jazz
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, gina_re, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| AmandaBroken
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#933
Apr 17, 2017, 05:33 PM
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Quote:
I get that way when depressed too. And then the more you think that way the harder it is to see out of the depression. I hope you are getting the help you need and deserve mat
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| AmandaBroken, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#934
Apr 18, 2017, 07:25 AM
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I'm nervous for my endocrinologist appt. today. I'm always nervous to go to medical doctors. I never know how they're going to react to my diagnosis and meds. And I'm afraid the endo is going to say I just need to stop taking the invega and won't understand how important it is for me to NOT.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, gina_re, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#935
Apr 18, 2017, 08:08 AM
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| AmandaBroken
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| AmandaBroken, MatBell
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#936
Apr 18, 2017, 08:13 AM
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Had to run to the bank before work this morning and still made it on time. Had a bit of a struggle getting out of bed but fine now that I'm going. Hope for a productive day today.
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| AmandaBroken, gina_re, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#937
Apr 18, 2017, 08:14 AM
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I am doing ok. I was in a back bedroom yesterday when everyone thought I was in my room. The phone rang and the answering machine kicked in. I heard my mom and her fiancé talking and joking about me. The sad thing is I wasn't entirely surprised. I live with my mom for financial reasons so I can't move out right now but this has fundamentally changed my relationship with my mom.
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| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, bizi, Nammu, rwwff, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken, bizi
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#938
Apr 18, 2017, 08:21 AM
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Quote:
I am so sorry for you. (((((HUGS))))) when can you move out? bizi
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lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#939
Apr 18, 2017, 08:26 AM
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Went walking yesterday... which is a good thing, nice sun, etc.
Listened to music while walking. I like Nightwish.. (symphonic metal) Perhaps unwise with the abilify activating me against minimum effective dose of the stabilizer; and still two weeks till tweak. Edema Ruh is one of those driving, energetic songs... and the world went golden, the barriers to exultation fell, and I didn't exactly resist, I pumped that adrenal and pituitary for all they were worth. Then I realized what I was doing and went home and sat quietly for a while. *DANG* lol.
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BD 1; Abilify, Wellbutrin |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#940
Apr 18, 2017, 09:47 AM
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| AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#941
Apr 18, 2017, 10:47 AM
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Feeling stressed! I need to calm the he'll down. I hope this Busbar does the trick, coping skills are nil right now.
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| 5150DirtDiva, AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, gina_re, rwwff, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#942
Apr 18, 2017, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 3 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken, Sunflower123
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#943
Apr 18, 2017, 11:20 AM
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Pulled a muscle in my back feeding my cat. Sure makes me feel old and weak. It would be different if my cat was a tiger and I had to lift a 100lb carcass into cage while holding a whip and a chair....but bending over to pick up a tiny dish, shesssss, how embarrassing. I can hardly move my left leg without pain.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| 5150DirtDiva, AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Daonnachd, Moose72, pirilin, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#944
Apr 18, 2017, 12:03 PM
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ECT went well yesterday except that my mother-in-law, who was going to pick me up to drive me home, wasn't answering her phone and the mailbox was full... and it was a busy day in recovery. They really needed to release me, but couldn't until they had someone to whom they could discharge me. I sat in the recovery room a very long time.
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>< |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Moose72, Nammu, pirilin, rwwff, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#945
Apr 18, 2017, 02:45 PM
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Did okay until noon, when anxiety struck again. Laid down for a couple of hours, took my afternoon meds, and eventually chilled out.
My mood is kind of crappy. How am I going to focus and work on school if I keep getting spun up? I don't know if it's being in the house or what. |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Daonnachd, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#946
Apr 18, 2017, 03:36 PM
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Today, I took my son to school because he missed the bus then missed my friend at starbucks. I went there anyway then off to the gym and when my mom's husband said something to me when I was on the treadmill (It was still going), I stopped walking and slid off the back of the treadmill and JUMPED off the end so as not to fall off! After the gym, I went home and napped for an hour. Then I met my friend (above) and had iced tea. Now I'm home with the kids.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 3 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
| AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken, Nammu
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#947
Apr 18, 2017, 03:38 PM
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Working through my anxiety, I can do this!
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| AmandaBroken, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken, Nammu
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#948
Apr 18, 2017, 04:02 PM
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Today was a little overwhelming with it being my first day back to work from vacation. All week will probably be like that. Had a hard time focusing and getting back into the swing of things. Still depressed, but at least it gives me something else to focus on.
Can't for the life of me figure out how on earth this episode feels simultaneously terrible but also not that bad. Idk? I don't understand. I think it's because I feel more apathetic and not caring. Not as much guilt, shame, worthlessness this time. It's a different kind of suck. More of a nothingness mixed with emotional restlessness. |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, gina_re, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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#949
Apr 18, 2017, 04:03 PM
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Feeling very agitated and annoyed...
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| Anonymous45023, Daonnachd, Sunflower123
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#950
Apr 18, 2017, 05:13 PM
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I go to the pdoc tomorrow and I'm not sure how he's going to respond since I haven't been taking my meds. I really don't believe there is any hope for me. My insurance will be cut off next month anyway.
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Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
| AmandaBroken, Anonymous45023, Daonnachd, Wander, Wild Coyote
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| AmandaBroken
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