Anger issues

I have a tendency to feel things intensely, both positive and negative which means when I get frustrated, I sometimes raise my voice and can have a quick flash of anger. For the most part, I like myself and don't mind that I feel positive things intensely, but this anger thing is something I hate about myself. It's ruined a lot of relationships for me. It's the thing that ruined my relationship with my aunt with whom I was very close, only it was her anger which ruined it--I am pretty sensitive and can't tolerate yelling myself. I've attempted to work it out in counseling for years, but I've not had success.

I have been good friends with a guy for a bit and we'd probably be more except for the fact that he has plainly stated he cannot tolerate that part of me except in friendship...if he were to date someone, it would be as a prequel to something serious, and he knows he couldn't live with me given my anger. This is hard for me. While that is totally fair--if the tables were turned, I would feel the same way--I admit I have feelings for him, and the fact that he can't deal with something I also hate about myself makes it that much harder.

Do you guys deal with similar anger issues? What did you do that helped them, or is it just something you deal with?

I still have sudden, inexplicable flashes of anger. Meds have helped me a lot, so while I no longer experience a drawn-out stream of rage where I break things, I still reach breaking point without realizing that I'm about to.

What helps is to remove myself from the situation where I'm angry, go somewhere quiet, and do some breathing exercises until I've calmed down and can have a rational conversation. I have a pact with my friends and family that if I get upset/angry, we will pause the conversation. I will be encouraged to go to a quiet spot (if I don't do this out of my own volition) to calm down.

Sometimes I dump my angst and anger regarding a particular situation on someone who had no role in it. Sometimes this is because I am irritable and sometimes this is because I expect that person to be sympathetic. This is not really fair to them. So I try to dump my anger in a journal (I always carry a small notebook around) and/or do my breathing exercises. Going on a walk or even pacing indoors also helps calm me down.

Thank you for the reply. Meds have helped me a lot, too.

I told my friend that if I were feeling like I was going to lose my stuff or start picking, I would remove myself from the conversation and take a beat. I have a tendency to feel irritable and start taking it out on whomever I'm speaking to because I want them to listen, or to make me feel better. The issue is that they just aren't going to be able to do that. Only time will. What bothers me is that I don't know if I will ever be better about this.

I have a really bad tendency to beat myself up about things. I beat myself up because my guy friend doesn't want to date me because of this issue, and when I have flashes of anger, I just feel worse. I beat myself up when I feel moody around friends, thinking of myself as "crazy." I know that I need to go easier on myself and give myself credit because I've been through a lot and have come out the other side in pretty good shape. And I'm only human. But I'm not very good at that.

Do you have access to a therapist or counselor? I used to have similar feelings (and still do, but to a manageable extent). CBT/DBT really helped. If you don't have access to professional help, you could try one of the many good workbooks out there, either based on your diagnosis or based on what you think your diagnosis might be. General CBT/DBT books might be helpful even if you don't have a DX. Your local library might have them or you can check on Amazon.

If there's anything else you'd like to talk about, or just rant, I'm here for you.

I get real irritable when hypo manic. Meds help me.

Lamictal worked wonders for my irritability/anger issues.

Same here. Lamictal has helped me mellow out significantly, although I think I've become more easily teary since I went off Abilify about a month ago.

I do have access to a T and she's pretty cool. However, I haven't seen her in about a month. Sort of just needed a break. Nothing negative. I've been in therapy for over 20 years; sometimes I feel like it doesn't help. When I'm feeling a little stagnant, I take a couple weeks off so that I don't start, well...stagnating and just going because the appointment is made. I have a DBT app on my phone I should use more often.

I take Trileptal. That seems to help quite a lot. I've just started on Lexapro, which has helped immensely for my anxiety and depression. I know that isn't the source of the current issue. It's the fact that I'm switching my sleep and my schedule all around; my brain really, really hates that.

One of my biggest issues is remembering that how I currently feel: mad, sad, frustrated, isn't how I will feel forever. It may be intense, but it is just how I feel right now, and it will pass. I get very short-sighted and react in that short-sightedness. I need to work very hard on that.

I don't like being tied to a schedule either (just a streak of rebelliousness in me). However, a regular sleep schedule (and an adequate number of hours) alongside a schedule allowing some flexibility help. Structure gives me a sense of what to do at what time. This "distraction" helps me get out of my head.

I also try to keep a specific time for mood logging, jotting down things that make me stressed (therapist's request), and journalling. That way, I can dump all of my frustration at a specific time instead of randomly taking it out on other people. Of course, I'm not always successful. The more I'm able to build good habits to get out of my head, the less likely I am to ruminate on my feelings. Of course, that's just me and your situation might be very different.

I used to be on Trileptal until about six months ago. It helped with my anxiety and teariness, but not so much my irritability. However, there was always a baseline depression and tiredness. So now I'm on 200mg Lamictal and slowly upping my dose.

I can't remember why he didn't want to do Lamictal with me. There was some reason, because we discussed it. I tend to have quite a lot of trouble with depression, more than mania (though my mania is more irritability than anything else) and he kept me on Wellbutrin but increased it when my dx was changed from unipolar depression to bipolar. I was on Abilify, but I found that it, like Geodon, it worked well for a hot minute but made me incredibly anxious in the long run. Lexapro was just added about a month and a half ago.

Basically, my main issues are deep depression and overwhelming anxiety. The irritability comes and goes and is only a tertiary issue at this point. But when I mess with the status quo it really comes to the forefront. Like now. I kind of wish I had something to calm me down, but I don't like how many meds I'm on already; I'm not keen on adding more to the mix.

That's rough. It looks like we've been on a similar mix of medication. I'm BP2 with roughly equal doses of depression, anger and irritability at baseline without meds. With meds, I'm somewhat depressed and occasionally irritable. The meds have "mellowed" me out but I feel like a different person to who I was six years ago. I'm not as mentally sharp and motivated, but I guess stability can come with compromises.

I was on Abilify until about a month ago. It helped with my sleep and teariness, but since Lamictal was working so well, my psychiatrist took me off it. I might discuss adding it back when I meet with her on Monday. She doesn't believe in overmedicating and I appreciate that. We incorporate things like meditation (often during our sessions), autogenic training, journalling, self-soothing with lavender essential oil, etc.

I'm on 10mg escitalopram too and the goal is to remove it completely. Treatment with only antidepressants (or a combination of mood stabilizer and a moderate dose of AD) have generally added to my anxiety and have given me severe hypomania/mania (e.g. Wellbutrin). Escitalopram was kept on while I was on Trileptal. Without it, the latter made me drowsy and a bit depressed (mostly numb).

Good luck! I'm here for you if you want to talk more.

I use meditation and essential oils as well. I love my essential oil diffuser! I tend to incorporate yoga since my job makes me incredibly tense, but haven't been very good at doing that for at least a month. Same with meditation. Or journaling.

I've probably just answered the anger issues question right there. I know full well that I need to be vigilant about self care, but I will instead spend my time lazing in bed or on the couch. Whelp...obviously that is not doing me any good.

That's completely understandable. If you have a job that makes you tense while coping with mental health issues, it can be very exhausting! I don't blame you for lazing around in bed or the couch. :P

For my last job, I worked 10-12 hours/day and spent 3-4 hours commuting on top of that (depending on traffic). When I got home, I went straight to bed because I had to wake up at 6am. Rinse and repeat. Self-care was the last thing on my mind. By the weekend, I was so exhausted that I didn't want to do anything except nap, binge-watch movies, and read for fun.

How's your diet?

I think what kept me stable during my last job was eating *very* healthily. My employer provided a generous meal allowance, so I was able to order organic food, lots of veggies, and good proteins (it was all take-out so I didn't have to cook).

This is no longer an option. My current job is less stressful and I don't earn nearly as much. I live alone and have to cook for myself and can't afford natural/organic. It's so tempting to order cheap microwavable meals and junk food. When you're struggling with mental health issues, cooking and keeping house are a *pain*. I guess I have to keep trying harder! :P