Bipolar and Alcohol

Can't drink as I am IP and I would kill for a beer right now...i only had 3 a day when OP but i just miss the mild numbing effect.

Totally know that feeling. When I was IP I wanted real coffee, a smoke, and at least a bud light lol. And sad thing is, when I got out that's what I did.

I'm not doing good with alcohol right now.

What, you couldn't smoke? That is harsh. We can smoke here (though I vape now I have quit). It is time restricted but something at least. As much as shouldn't I know I will be heading for a beer when I go home. But in moderation.

I'm an alcoholic and I recently relapsed on a trip to Ireland...all those dang pubs and that good Irish whiskey. I got stopped by the Irish police for driving on the wrong side of the road over there and I was drunk, they let me go, knew I was on the way to the airport and was American and lost, guess they didn't smell it on me. I truly should be in Irish jail right now. I didn't know if I'd be able to stop. I drank the whole 9 hour flight back- free bloody mary's...one after another. I've got a week sober. I lied to my sponsor in AA and told her I didn't drink because I'm afraid to disappoint her. I'm a mess but every day without a drink I'm getting stronger. I feel judged for being alcoholic on here but I feel if I tell my story maybe I'll unlock something for someone else.

Thanks to all who posted I truly understand the struggle! I am on Day 7 right now, and since I feel like absolute poop I could really use a drink to not feel for a while. It is a hard road and I don't even have anything in my stomach and I don't want to eat.

I don't know what's worse actually. Just gotta make through another day I suppose......

I am sorry you feel judge.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

So I am on Day 8 today, and it's a good day. I haven't had a craving at all. How is everyone else doing?

So I basically threw away my sobriety. Had some wine and beers last week, will probably be a repeat next week. How can I find the strength to stop this horrible pattern?

I too have struggled with alcoholism. I have found when i am on the right med cocktail i have no desire to drink.

Be gentle with yourself. I was in AA for 5 years. And to celebrate, I drank. I still don't really drink except for an occasional martini on the weekend. But I never really believed alcohol was my core problem. The right blend of meds usually helps keep me healthy and not self-destructive.

What I think about AA is it has saved many people, but it is also very strict. I have found that I can manage better with prayer and meds. I still believe in the higher power part of the program, but I just didn't like the martyrdom that goes on at meetings. But be gentle with yourself. So you had some wine today. Doesn't mean you have to tomorrow. If you are 90% sober most of your life, isn't that good enough for today? Start again tomorrow?

Take this for whatever it's worth to you:

My pdoc tells me I crave alcohol when I am cycling and under-medicated.

I rarely drink, honestly. Yet, I had started a huge binge the last time I was in a deep depression and getting "mixed." It was very uncharacteristic of me; yet, relieved so much inner pain and feeling "unsettled," I was sure it was in my best interest to drink more and more. I admitted this to my pdoc and he changed my meds. I lost the craving for alcohol.

There is a lot of "active alcoholism" in my family. There are also many undiagnosed/untreated mental health conditions. My family members are self-medicating.

I was self-medicating before my meds were changed.

Do you feel any part of your drinking is "self-medicating," on top of your current meds?

Much love to you, LadyShadow.


WC

Couldn't of said it better!

You know a lot of my family members deal with self-medicating. My Dad being the biggest one due to his alcoholism. I really think I am doing the same thing with the self-medicating on top of meds, you know just to make myself feel good. Thank you very much too to dog daze's suggestion that I shouldn't beat myself up over this.

I just feel that I should be stone cold sober, that going cold turkey is the way to do it. But at the same time my last "manic" phase I went through I was sober for seven months, so in a way am I craving the depressant to keep the mania away subconciously? I don't know, am I?

OR I am I just making excuses?

I have to say I am looking to that drink next Tuesday.

sometimes being "cold stone sober" is the only way to go. if you know you have a problem with alcohol it IS the only way to go. I have a lot of alcoholism in my family and I have seen it's destructive force. it's easy to let the idea creep in that you can drink sometimes but for someone with a true drinking problem this is not the case. heavy drinking leads to instability anywAy and the meds don t work. I have read many memoirs on ppl who deal with bipolar AND alcoholism and they all say you cant get one in control with out the other being in control.
I have to be sober. I know if I start to drink I WILL continue to drink. I don't know if any of this applies to you but if you find it does than a focus on sobriety is important.

Is drinking contributing to your stability?

Is alcohol undermining your stability?

For that binge, it was undermining my stability, even though I was feeling no pain and kind of felt I'd found a new solution.
The best thing I did was to admit my binge to my pdoc; he adjusted my meds in response.


WC

her first post on this thread says she's been battling it a,long time. that's why I assumed it wasn't just a binge

To answer both questions I don't know if it is to be honest. I think it's just a recurring theme for me. I usually feel really bad after drinking, but the last two times I haven't. I have actually really enjoyed myself. So is it that bad or am I just making excuses?

I think I am keeping the mania away by adding the depressant but I think that can be done with a med adjustment rather than me drinking.

You're right! I have been battling it a long time, so it's like a recurring binge? Is there such a thing? I don't know, all I know is that I can't stop. I am not drinking every day, but I still over do the wine and beer when I do. Also, I haven't hit the hard liquor because I am really scared to go that route.

I know you might not want to do this but have you considered going IP? I'm not a drinker every blue moon but I was raised around alcoholics. My maternal grandfather died one. I grew up with a drunk for a step-dad. A moody drunk. He'd come in really really happy or pissed off mad. A few years ago I got in contact with my biological dad. Well he drinks packs and packs of beer every Friday and Saturday. He says no to Sunday's because it's Gods day and work is the next day. He feels since it's just beer he's not an alcoholic...bs. I really wish you the best in your recovery. We can not always do things alone. Idk your insurance situation. Peace and blessings

I was more the "binge" type of drinker myself. for me that made it so easy to deny I had any type of problem for a long time.
to be sure...i started off self medicating when my insides exploded at about 14 and I thought i was literally losing my mind. but long time use mixed with those wonderful genetics caused it to become a problem. I have a HIGHLY addictive and compulsive personality.
of course I'm not telling you that it is like this for you. only you would know.
just posting out of experience and concern. if you DO think it's a problem ....well it never goes away
wishing you the best!

So I had some drinks today. I know bad me. The thing is I didn't get the "high" I was after. All it did was make me sleepy. I may want to reconsider this whole "drinking" thing all together. All it does it make me feel slow and stupid.

Why do I need that in my life?

I'm a drinker too, LadyShadow. Wish I could stop!

Yea lately I'm a black out binge drinker. Almost every night. Strange thing is, my pdoc, therapist, GP and family all day i seem to be doing really good on my new meds. However at the gyno today she noticed I had a tremor. I blamed it on the Wellbutrin.

I struggled with alcohol and drugs for 30 or so years before I received my diagnosis at age 50. I'm not sure about the medical connection, but it is my understanding that BP and alcoholism are often comorbid. My run of foolishness seems to be the reverse of many......I didn't party when I was down, I partied when I was up. Mania seemed to drive me into going completely overboard. I'm convinced of this because there were times when I could take it or leave it. I didn't need booze as a crutch, per se. But when I was up, I could rage with the best of them. My friends would joke that I would "set the pace" at a party. Add in some rock and roll and the night was complete. It was a simple connection - I was in a great mood, ready to conquer anything, and I'd just go bonkers. I could never just have a drink. I had to have 20. I've passed out in the bushes, in my driveway (twice), on the lawn, in my dining room....many times in front of my kids.

I absolutely love being sober. I wouldn't trade it for anything. The last 30 years was a wasted 30 years as far as I'm concerned. I've just begun to live. I can't remember the last hangover I had or the last time I stayed in bed until 2PM. I can't remember the last time I had to work someone for some dope. It was all worthless. All of it.

though i've not struggled with this (only drinking once or twice a year), I do understand how tough it must be

I wish you all luck