I had a summer job until August of last year when I was hospitalized for a mixed episode. They don't want me back this year because of how often I missed work and how horribly I did my job when I went and was symptomatic. I tried going back this summer but it's not happening.
Every place I apply to either wants me to work hours I can't handle or wants relevant experience of which I have none.
Right now I'm in a depression and being home all day isn't helping. I have virtually no money and at this rate I'll never be able to support myself (I go back and forth b/t living with my mom and my grandma). My mom wants me to go on disability but I would rather find a job, it's just I can't.
It's hard. I have no motivation, no concentration, and I feel so inept.
Help?

May I ask why you don't want to go on disability? It can be a lifesaver for those who truly cannot work enough to support themselves, and there's nothing wrong with receiving it if you need it. That's what it's there for. I myself am on disability and with the help of my local YMCA Employment Center, I was able to find a job just yesterday working part-time (15-20 hours a week). I can't wait to start! Perhaps there is an organization like that where you live, that could help you get set up with a job that suits your qualifications and personal needs.

I don't want to go on disability because I need some structure and a job is a good way to get that structure. I also don't want to admit that I can't work.

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I don't want to go on disability because I need some structure and a job is a good way to get that structure. I also don't want to admit that I can't work.

A lot of people struggle with accepting financial help, and it's perfectly understandable.

It's awesome that you want to work but I recommend keeping disability as an option available in case it comes to the point where you really need it. I am not sure how your disability system works but you should be able to work part-time while collecting disability. (Also keep in mind that the application and waiting process can take a long time) For now, I suggest applying for part-time positions and see if there are any employment organizations like the YMCA Employment Centre that could help you out with your search.

[Victoria'smom]

What about looking into your local vocational rehab?

I can't find anything about a YMCA employment center here, I guess we don't have one?
In November I looked at the vocational rehab for my location and basically the only thing they said was that I should go back to college.
Thanks for the recommendations though. I'll think about disability in the meantime.

Perhaps cleaning houses? Or landscaping or painting houses? I would consider jobs that won't have a big impact on others if you mess up due to mood episodes. Starting your own cleaning business or working for one might be good. Painting houses requires getting on a ladder and that sounds like a dangerous plan if you are prone to mistakes. Working does provide structure but if you can't keep a job, I'd seriously consider disability and then volunteer or go to school to provide structure. Do you have a therapist who can provide suggestions?

[still_crazy]

Everyone is different. I'm glad to be on disability, because people made my life hell on earth when I tried to work.

I'd say...if you can't work, can't support yourself when you do work, etc., please at least consider disability. Its not ideal, but neither is trying to work when a mix of your problems and stigma make that so difficult.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm not thrilled about being on disability, but I recognize the need for it and try not to blame myself for it. It's not much income, but it's enough to pay the rent and the bills in the same month so I can't complain too much. I'm just thankful I paid into the system for 35 years so I could get benefits when I needed them, and that it wasn't too hard to get them (I did it on the first try).

I don't know if I'll ever work again. Every now and then I get the urge to try getting a job (not in nursing---too much stress!) but I get the shakes just thinking about it. Besides, I'm almost 60 and it's all but impossible to find work just because of my age. Not to mention my history of job-hopping and getting fired a couple of times.

[Jenna120]

Have you contacted the state Department of Rehabilitation? They will help disabled people get and keep jobs.

Also, did you tell your last employer (while still working) that you are disabled and needed accommodations? Many people who are mentally ill need a certain amount of work accommodations and we are covered by the ADA. If your last employer knew you were disabled, you have one heck of an EEOC complaint. Not hiring because of the disability is illegal, unless it would cause "undue hardship" (in other words, cost them way too much money). If accommodations are reasonable, which the courts have interpreted very generously, they cannot use your disability or any symptoms arising from your disability against you.

[Rjaye]

Everyone here has some great ideas, but I have another one.

You can get on disability but still work. I did it for a while and my goal now is starting my business. I would love to eventually get off of disability but my short term goal (one year) is to earn enough money without affecting my SSDI and still pay bills.

Also, volunteering or peer counseling at a local drop in center might help you build a schedule while you deal with the job issue. You would be doing something, and if people know you are looking and know what you are looking for, you could get some insider info on work.

There are options, and right now it sounds like you are demoralized. I understand. I think everyone here does. But once you find your balance, you'll be able to work on your own options. It's possible.

The Voc Rehab might be a good place to start. But don't throw out the SSDI. You would also be eligible for supports in school and have medical in a couple of years.

There's hope. I wish you good luck and good health.

[Anrea]

I am so glad you wrote this. <3 Thank you. I worked for years, and was fired or left this job, and that job, and that job. Went to college 2 times not finished 2 sem. either time. quit a vocational school. It has been so up and down. But there are people that can work with mental illness, because they say so. I read it on here.

I was fired because of my emotions, then went on disability. Now I am just bored and would really like more money. Although it is a safe feeling to have a disability check come in.

I would like more. Yesterday I impulsively put in a resume at a 20 hrs a week overnights job. I am scared if they call, and if they don't call. I am very emotional about it and it is triggering anxiety. I think maybe that means I SHOULDN'T go back to work? But I just don't know. I think I could handle temporary.

I want to do more, and have more money. just a little more. I think even 200 a month would make such a huge difference. :/

I wish disability wasn't borderline poverty.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm on disability now and I admit I'd rather be working. But at 51 I don't think anyone would hire me, and I can't keep up with the fast pace or stiff competition for what I want to do. It isn't much but it helps pay the bills, so I'm thankful for that.

[Jenna120]

Originally Posted by Anrea

I would like more. Yesterday I impulsively put in a resume at a 20 hrs a week overnights job. I am scared if they call, and if they don't call. I am very emotional about it and it is triggering anxiety. I think maybe that means I SHOULDN'T go back to work? But I just don't know. I think I could handle temporary.

You just brought up a good point. When I first started working, I went through a temp agency. While I was looking for temp to hire (it just never worked out), I had the knowledge that the assignment would only last X time, that I had an agency looking for the next job for me, and I got a lot of experience to put on my resume.

I've never done volunteer work but from what I've heard from other people, there's less pressure because you are working to fulfill a need and can walk if conditions are unreasonable; you're not working for the paycheck and having to stick it out no matter how bad it is.

I think working is good for us, it puts us on a regular schedule. I just met with my new psych NP and I mentioned that while I was putting off the job hunt until I was stable I fully intended to return to full time work in my field and he was very happy to hear that.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Friday I sent in the email telling my state licensure board that it is time for me to cancel my license. The one that took me 7 years of higher education to earn (and a huge amount of student loans). the one that let me do the thing I loved most in all the world. It sucks. And reaching the decision to go on disability was both agonizing and so clear when the time came. At least for me there was a point that it was just so obvious that I had reached the end of line and I didn't have to wonder.

I also just admire you so much for wanting/trying to work on clozaril. I can't imagine working while taking it; it makes me so tired. It's saved my life and I love it but it requires a lot of sleep and my brain just doesn't work fast enough to even volunteer. Maybe someday but certainly not anytime soon.

Do what your heart leads you to do and reassess that as needed.

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

May I ask why you don't want to go on disability? It can be a lifesaver for those who truly cannot work enough to support themselves, and there's nothing wrong with receiving it if you need it. That's what it's there for. I myself am on disability and with the help of my local YMCA Employment Center, I was able to find a job just yesterday working part-time (15-20 hours a week). I can't wait to start! Perhaps there is an organization like that where you live, that could help you get set up with a job that suits your qualifications and personal needs.

I was on disability, then I reached retirement age, and the (USA) Social Security Disability designation changed in name only to Retirement. But when I was on Disability, there was a severe LIMIT on how much money you could earn. I am pretty sure the AMOUNT of money was the key factor, not how many or how few hours you work. I strongly suggest you carefully check out how this works at this time, or you could lose your Disability insurance.

Please BE CAREFUL, because if you are working while waiting for disability to come through, you possibly would not be approved for Disability. Disability is for people who CANNOT work. This might have changed, since I was on Disability, but it also might have become even more restrictive. When I was on it, there was -- ridiculously! -- no possibility for "partial disability." It was total disability or nothing. I suggest you don't believe, me or anyone at all except an expert - and read the pamphlets published by the Social Security Administration. In my day, the figures and whatever limits there were to working, were so convoluted and hard to interpret, that many of us chose not to work at all because we didn't understand the restrictions, and did not want to take the risk of working. The only paid job I was able to do was 20 hours A MONTH. The rest of the time I either "did my own things" or did community activism.

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

A lot of people struggle with accepting financial help, and it's perfectly understandable.

It's awesome that you want to work but I recommend keeping disability as an option available in case it comes to the point where you really need it. I am not sure how your disability system works but you should be able to work part-time while collecting disability. (Also keep in mind that the application and waiting process can take a long time) For now, I suggest applying for part-time positions and see if there are any employment organizations like the YMCA Employment Centre that could help you out with your search.

I saw my pdoc today and he thinks I should really get a job. It's just I CAN'T FIND A FN JOB! I've been stable for half a year now and I'd feel like I'm cheating if I go on disability. Right now my main problem is boredom. I'd also love some income and be able to move out of my parents.
I keep trying all these resources and all I'm finding out is I'm a effing loser who can't do anything and needs to go back to school.