Plot to Kill Me

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 10:27 AM

I seem to be paranoid lately. I think people are after me, or there is a plot to kill me. I sometimes can talk myself out of it, but usually not. I usually fear I'm going to die, basically. (And I don't want to die, I fear I'm going to be killed.)

*Laurie* · Apr 07, 2017, 11:15 AM

I'm sorry you're having paranoid thoughts lately. It must be really frightening.

hopeless2015 · Apr 07, 2017, 11:22 AM

I'm sorry Moose, sending hugs. Can you get a hold of your pdoc

bioChE · Apr 07, 2017, 11:23 AM

Have you talked to your doctor about the paranoid thoughts? A med adjustment may be in order; there are chemical ways to deal with those thoughts.

It's highly unlikely anyone is out to kill you, so you can probably quell that by practicing some CBT techniques.

~Christina · Apr 07, 2017, 12:27 PM

That sucks ..... use grounding skills.

When you realize it's not true put notes around you home to help you remember you are safe

lilypup · Apr 07, 2017, 12:39 PM

I'm so sorry. Being frightened is just terrible.

From my CBT experience, these are just thoughts, not reality.

I hope all this eases up for you very soon. You don't deserve this.

Wild Coyote · Apr 07, 2017, 12:46 PM

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Must be very uncomfortable.
Is this related to the decrease in Zyprexa?
Is your pdoc avail to you?

(((((( Moose ))))))

WC

mossanimal · Apr 07, 2017, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I seem to be paranoid lately. I think people are after me, or there is a plot to kill me. I sometimes can talk myself out of it, but usually not. I usually fear I'm going to die, basically. (And I don't want to die, I fear I'm going to be killed.)

Moose... I hope this isn't a bad time to ask you questions (sorry you are going through this btw). But I see a lot of people here in this forum with these thoughts. Is this something that only comes with mania or depression.. or they independent of that. My episodes have never included psychosis (unless you count the time I was depressed years ago and was wanting society to collapse so I could fit in). I'm just curious.... Again... feel free to ignore me. And please get better...

Apr 07, 2017, 01:05 PM

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. It's happening to me too. Not delusions though, mine are real. It's because I'm filing a lawsuit against "the men in charge". My inlaws are in on it and my "best friend" might be too.

I want to die on my own terms, not be murdered to silence me and steal my diseased organs.

Touch some walls and see if it goes away. My family said to stay in my house, near my dogs. Do you have people who live with you, who can support you through this?

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 01:49 PM

OfMossanimal I don't know if I'm manic or depressed when they happen. Something flips and I feel this way.

Like right now I feel that the maintenance woman left because she saw how much work my place is and wants to leave it to collapse. That she doesn't like me and left. (The excuse for a ladder was a ruse.)

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 01:54 PM

Elsa, I live with my two younger teens.

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Must be very uncomfortable.
Is this related to the decrease in Zyprexa?
Is your pdoc avail to you?

(((((( Moose ))))))

WC

I haven't changed the dose in weeks so I doubt it's the zyprexa.

Pdoc is available- if she's in the office. I see her Monday.

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bioChE

Have you talked to your doctor about the paranoid thoughts? A med adjustment may be in order; there are chemical ways to deal with those thoughts.

It's highly unlikely anyone is out to kill you, so you can probably quell that by practicing some CBT techniques.

I never studied cbt- just DBT.

Unrigged64072835 · Apr 07, 2017, 02:28 PM

Sorry you're feeling this way. Are you doing distraction or self-soothing? Hope you can get more help on Monday.

Moose72 · 03:29 PM

I'm don't want to call pdoc because she will want to raise my zyprexa and I NEED to get off if that evil drug! Its ruining my liver and my cholesterol is 700+. What will she adjust once I'm really OFF zyprexa? Rexulti? That one's harder, since it only comes in a few different doses and you can't cut the pills up. (They're tiny.)

Plus, I keep having these waves of anxiety I guess they are. Must be because of my ceiling with a giant crack and water pooled up above it- ya think? There's also a second smaller crack over the stairs now! The maintenance woman came, but left saying something about a ladder but hasn't come back.

At least, she's come and now I can quit waiting for her and the people who are to fix the problem don't work weekends so I can have my nice weekend with my friend tomorrow and Sunday! And no, pdoc won't prescribe an anti-anxiety meds. My anti-anxiety drug of choice is hot sex.

I am getting ready for my fun 24 hours. Washing a few clothes. Hopefully I'll be too distracted by my friend to think anything bad is happening. Or that he's an alien (I thought this once. In fact, I just saw part of my psych record from the ER that said,"Manic: Psychotic: Severely". I have no idea what I said that day!) Maintenance just left. They're fixing my ceiling/roof next week. Lord I'm glad that's over. Ok. End of post. </post>

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 03:14 PM

From my medical file:

Possible trigger:

10/28/2015

F31.2:Bipolar disorder, current episode manic severe with psychotic features (Active as of 10/16/2015)
F29: Unspecified psychosis not due to a substance or known physiological condition (Active as of 11/21/20/13)
F31.9: Bipolar disorder, unspecified (Active as of 10/29/2014)
F39: Unspecified mood [affective] disorder (Rule Out as of 11/21/2013)

11/21/13: Client reports paranoid thinking with delusions. (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of beliefs that she can fly and that she will not die for long if she kills herself.) Client reports a hx of auditory and visual hallucinations, but none at the moment. Client reports anxiety related to personal relationships. Client reports that she tried to overdose to kill herself last night with plans to do so again.

10/08/13: Pt presents as preoccupied, possibly responding to internal stimuli, hears voices telling her to stab herself, reports some improvement in psychotic symptoms.

10/01/13: Client presents "ramped up" with thoughts of jumping into traffic or "flying off of her balcony" w/o specific intent of suicide. She is calm in presentation but she reports that she has felt increasingly "ramped up" over the last 2 weeks. She spoke with her psychiatrist this morning and she recommended she present to PES.

Client is a 41yo caucasian female. Client presents with flat affect, ambivalent in her decision making process, paranoid and delusional (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of beliefs that she can fly and that she will not die for long if she kills herself.) Oriented x3, denying any current ah/vh, attention intact during interview, insight and judgment arginal. Lithium levels reflect taking meds as prescribed. Negative for benzo's despite reports of overdosing on Ativan last night.Client reports paranoid thinking with delusions. (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of auditory and visual hallucinations but none at the moment. Client reports anxiety related to personal relationships. Client reports that she tried to overdose to kill herself last night with plans to do so again. Client has access to significant amounts of psychotropic medications including Ativan. Client denies any hx of substance abuse. Client receives MH services from XXXXXXX. Client was psychiatrically hospitalized in November 2012. Client was diverted from hospitalization in February 2013. Client was psychiatrically hospitalized in October 2013 for presenting manic and expressing beliefs that she could fly. Client reports to live with three children, her mother, and her mother's boyfriend. Client reports that her mother is both supportive and a stressor at the same time. Client reports that she has a friend that she feels is supportive, but also believed that he was an alien.Client reports to comply with medication tx usually, which was confirmed by labs, and reports to attend appts as scheduled.

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 07:03 PM

This quote makes me sad. Apparently, they found these meetings more serious than I did. I remember being matter-of-fact. Could it get worse at some point? I saw everybody as aliens at the grocery store. That seems like only yesterday. And I completely remember how I felt. Will that happen again then? They said I was manic- severely. Was I? They never told me that. I have this report as part of my disability case: I was given a copy of my records. I'm sure this isn't everything they wrote, but its a glimps. I felt myself thinking someone was after me at the grocery store this afternoon, actually. I told myself, "No, no they're not" but I still hurried away from that person. when does a person slide from thinking people are after them to severely psychotic?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

From my medical file:

Possible trigger:

10/28/2015

F31.2:Bipolar disorder, current episode manic severe with psychotic features (Active as of 10/16/2015)
F29: Unspecified psychosis not due to a substance or known physiological condition (Active as of 11/21/2013)
F31.9: Bipolar disorder, unspecified (Active as of 10/29/2014)
F39: Unspecified mood [affective] disorder (Rule Out as of 11/21/2013)

11/21/13: Client reports paranoid thinking with delusions. (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of beliefs that she can fly and that she will not die for long if she kills herself.) Client reports a hx of auditory and visual hallucinations, but none at the moment. Client reports anxiety related to personal relationships. Client reports that she tried to overdose to kill herself last night with plans to do so again.

10/08/13: Pt presents as preoccupied, possibly responding to internal stimuli, hears voices telling her to stab herself, reports some improvement in psychotic symptoms.

10/01/13: Client presents "ramped up" with thoughts of jumping into traffic or "flying off of her balcony" w/o specific intent of suicide. She is calm in presentation but she reports that she has felt increasingly "ramped up" over the last 2 weeks. She spoke with her psychiatrist this morning and she recommended she present to PES.

Client is a 41yo caucasian female. Client presents with flat affect, ambivalent in her decision making process, paranoid and delusional (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of beliefs that she can fly and that she will not die for long if she kills herself.) Oriented x3, denying any current ah/vh, attention intact during interview, insight and judgment arginal. Lithium levels reflect taking meds as prescribed. Negative for benzo's despite reports of overdosing on Ativan last night.Client reports paranoid thinking with delusions. (Thinking people are aliens and endorsing a hx of auditory and visual hallucinations but none at the moment. Client reports anxiety related to personal relationships. Client reports that she tried to overdose to kill herself last night with plans to do so again. Client has access to significant amounts of psychotropic medications including Ativan. Client denies any hx of substance abuse. Client receives MH services from XXXXXXX. Client was psychiatrically hospitalized in November 2012. Client was diverted from hospitalization in February 2013. Client was psychiatrically hospitalized in October 2013 for presenting manic and expressing beliefs that she could fly. Client reports to live with three children, her mother, and her mother's boyfriend. Client reports that her mother is both supportive and a stressor at the same time. Client reports that she has a friend that she feels is supportive, but also believed that he was an alien.Client reports to comply with medication tx usually, which was confirmed by labs, and reports to attend appts as scheduled.

jacky8807 · Apr 07, 2017, 07:23 PM

Moose it's Jacky here lol
So after I had "the big one" psychotic break I was told it's easier to slip into that path again
Just a few weeks ago I had to slow down on my spiritual awakening research because I started getting paranoia with weird thoughts and that perhaps this woman I knew was demonic (nicest lady of all time) .sometimes if we can catch it can help....other times I guess there is no stopping the runaway train.
Stay aware and try to ground reality.

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2017, 08:24 PM

Thanks Jacky

Moose72 · Apr 08, 2017, 10:17 AM

I see pdoc Monday morning. I still struggle with whether or not to tell her about this. I'm afraid she'll want to increase my zyprexa again, when she needs to DEcrease it. With all this increasing lately, I'll never get off the stuff. It's damaging my liver substantially!!

balberngbeerbrwr · Apr 08, 2017, 06:34 PM

You are not alone, I have a friend who is like that and and he is worried that the people in the white suits are gonna get him if he tells anyone. He knows he can trust me though.

bioChE · Apr 09, 2017, 12:51 PM

Did they get you?

Moose72 · Apr 09, 2017, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bioChE

Did they get you?

No, they got into the car next to ours. I still think they were after us, though. They just aborted the plans. They were going faster and faster behind us. When we ran ahead, so did they.

Sunflower123 · Apr 09, 2017, 02:23 PM

Moose I am so sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope you can get some relief Monday. Is there anyway you can tell your doc the truth but let her know firmly that Zyprexa is not an option?

Thinking of you.

Moose72 · Apr 09, 2017, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Moose I am so sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope you can get some relief Monday. Is there anyway you can tell your doc the truth but let her know firmly that Zyprexa is not an option?

Thinking of you.

I don't know. She's so zyprexa-happy. She'd say, "I think we should go back up on the zyprexa..." then type in a script for said zyprexa. *sigh*

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