He just doesn't understand

He told me he will not buy me a Janis Joplin t shirt for my bday because I need to get over my obsession with the 60's, with Janis Joplin, and with spending money. Why do you obsess over things when you are manic? Buying the 60's is not possible and makes you sound crazy. Please listen to something other than Joplin and 60's folk music. Please turn your damn headphones off and pay attention to your kids.

He doesn't understand at all...how frustrating. He lives in a world where point a brings you to point b. We will in a world where point a can lead to point z and back to m, then to c and only reach b when the moon is just right and we slept just the right amount and ate enough and our meds are working. He doesn't understand. Does he at least try? Sometimes? (((Cashart)))

He should just but you the damned shirt...it's not like you are asking for a Ferrari

Do you need to get over the obsessions? Think about what he's saying objectively. You've posted some pretty funky shiit here about the 60's and though it was coherent as you wanted it to be, it did sound pretty obsessive.

Then again maybe the right thing is to buy the shirt. As Elsa said, you're not asking for a Ferrari.

I think he should just get you the shirt but is your obsession hurting anyone?

You deserve a shirt of your choosing.
As long as you are not hurting anyone, what's the harm?

WC

My attention is brought to the end of your post "Please turn your damn headphones off and pay attention to your kids." How's that going?

I guess I'm strange because I assumed you are paying enough attention to your kids. If I'm wrong im sorry. If you are not, perhaps listening to your husband is good. If you are, tell your husband that you are unwell and listening to 60's music is helpful and that if he has enough time on his hands and wellness to be concerned with the children's needs that he can spent the time he takes blitching at you and redirect it in a more helpful place such as spending some time with his children.

It is SO hard to look at the relationship between my husband and my illness objectively because the last time I was severely depressed, we were so far into the throws of divorce that our lawyers had drawn the papers. The ONLY reason he was leaving was he could take no more. I don't walk on egg shells because I refuse to live that way but I am quite terrified he will leave. I love him very much despite his roughness.

I am quite coherent. In fact if you didn't understand bipolar disorder and I didn't open my mouth with bizarre things, you would never even know. That is my nature, both manic and depressed. I know I become obsessed with things...different random things when I am manic...sometimes people, sometimes objects, different things. Yes, if I become obsessed with a person it can become bizarre and even dangerous but I hardly think this is an issue.

No harm or neglect goes on in this house. My children are constantly loved on and my presence and attention is with them almost all of the time as I stay home. I can be a *****, honestly, if I'm manic because little things put me out but I do my best to recognize this and it happens much less than often. He is locked into the TV equally as much I am my headphones (at least). This was simply a blow to get me out of my head and back to reality.

It is an issue if it becomes bizarre and dangerous when you have young kids in the house.

Yes, this is very true, which is why there are many precautions taken in my home when I am manic. That said, it has never been focused on anyone in my family, only mentors or actors.

When I said "I hardly think this is an issue," I meant the 60's not all of my obsessions.

Is there any grain of truth in what your husband said? I personally don't see why he can't buy you the shirt for your birthday. The shirt may symbolize something else for him though and that's the conundrum. I hope you get your shirt and things go smoothly. Best wishes....

Lots of truth! I won't get the shirt but I'll get over it. It just makes me sad when I feel like he should understand better than anyone else and he just doesn't get it.

You mentioned that he is uncomfortable with your spending. Care to elaborate on that situation?

Yes...I spend like crazy when I'm manic so he takes all of my cards away. I still dream though and look at extravagant things to buy.

I know I'm a bear...and I do hate it...but, I just feel like he never understands and never gives me a break. He is so hard on me and my beliefs.

You deserve to feel that you are understood. I think I can understand, perhaps, where he might be coming from. However, IMO he is a bit over the top and needs to be kinder and more supportive of you. I mean in a healthy way. I think it is hard for someone to be firm about what is important to them and being at the same time kind and supportive. I hope that makes sense. The word compassion comes to mind.

At least you have us to talk to.

If you think you need to spend more time with the kids but can't, that's one thing. If you think you need to spend more time with the kids but don't wanna, there is a problem needing addressing. You've been very unwell....I might be confusing you with someone else and if so I apologize but it seemed that recently you said you were short tempered and angry with the children....and you seem very unwell. If you have a terrible flu does your husband say "get off your butt and take care of the kids and spend time with them"? If so, he's so wrong.... 100% wrong. Being psychotic is much worse than the flu. It's a time when your husband should be understanding and extra helpful and advise you to get as much rest and time away as needed to improve. It's a teaching moment for the kids to learn that sometimes mommy is unwell and needs compassion and them to be on extra good behavior. I understand your husband is under a lot of stress, but this isn't a small matter and personally I'm appalled on your behalf. It's not like you broke a nail or stubbed your toe.

I want you to know I have had "California dreaming " in my head since your other thread

he may be acting out of fear. fear that he will contribute to the manic obsessions

orrrrr he just don't get it

either way I think you deserve the shirt!

At least you have us to talk to.

Very true

This is true. I think he fears a long, debilitating depression in the same way I fear him leaving. I am giving him a hard wrap too, I know, especially because he is SOOO much nicer to me now than when we almost divorced but, he is still very cold, severe, and blunt. I just wish he would give a little more love.

As far as getting songs stuck in your head? This is what I'm stuck on right now (I'm the queen of putting my favorite songs on repeat on my playlist; thus on repeat in my head)...I can help with that any time:

The Doors: People are Strange

People look strange, when your a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone

Does he fear a long, debilitating depression because he is concerned about you - or that it will be because it's a "hassle" for him?