Is this someone who has bipolar? Help!

Thinkmaster, You are in crisis, not the woman you write about. I would also be upset if you were 4 hours late! This thread is about yourself, your own reaction, which has been problematic for you. I agree with BlueInanna, in that you could benefit from seeking help for yourself.

Take care!

WC

she doesn't work and a stay home mom. I agree 4 hours late was bad but to get OUTRAGED, it definitely wasn't her. It seemed like it was somebody else. Usually when people get upset, they are still themselves. Yes the reason I am here on this board is to use you guys as therapy. I just came to get some answers. Had she just moaned and griped, I would have been alright that is normal. but it was just way out of line to get so much rage over 4 hours late. I did not blow her off on purpose. I had a lot of parts I still had to get and she gave me a hint the previous day that she didn't need a minute by minute update so I went the other extreme. I wished I hadn't because I got the crap beat out of me.

As far as being in love, no I would never act inappropriately in front of her and the reason I feel so bad is because she was a great client, very loyal, and for whatever reason I hurt her and I feel terrible. I am a compassionate person and if I was cold, callous, then yes I could easily say screw her, who cares what she thinks or how I hurt her. Anyway again broke my own rules and it seems a lot of you are just piling on to pile on. This is not constructive and my recommendation is, if you are going to give somebody advice, do so with kindness and don't be destructive about the way you go.

Well just be grateful that YOU aren't married to her if she has an explosive temper. Is there going to be any problems with your boss? Do you have to see her again? I think you should stay away from her whether you're attracted or not. Best wishes.

Ok I feel like this has gone on longer than it needs to. Not everything needs a reply. Just go through the rest of the board and read the other threads here to hopefully give you a better understand of the illness. Best of luck to you.

I had never fantasized about being married to her because I know she is taken and to waste even one wishful moment wishing she was mine would be a waste of time. I only saw her a total of 4 days a year but it felt really good that I had a loyal client and one that was so nice to me while onsite. I am very upset at myself for pissing her off and losing her as a client. I take full ownership and if I hurt somebody, I at least wanted to let them know how sorry and to beg for forgiveness. I didn't even have a chance to apologize and the whole time she was tearing into me, I was trying to speak up and calm her down but I was so scared, I was shaking. I was trying to say something but it seemed like my mouth was glued shut. I don't even remember what she was yelling at me about, I was just shocked that someone could have that much rage. My friend said if she was abusing me, I should have turned and just walked away but I think if I did that, that would have pissed her off even more so I just stood there until she told me she was done with me and I was free to go.

4 hours late is too much, I'd be mad. You've repetitively discounted her time on here and just minimized her to mental illness. I grew up upper middle class, I'm very intelligent. As her employee it's not your business her mental health.

Miguel, you were not there to witness her in action. It is one thing to get upset and a little angry, but to get completely outraged where you are doing your best to hurt the person you are yelling at is another. Lets put it this way, she could have texted way earlier to find out where I was or canceled by calling. She waited and waited because in her mind she was going to punish me. I can tell you her objective whether she realized it or not was to do the following

1. Intimidate me
2. Scare me
3. Control
4. Vent her rage to make herself feel better.

She managed to accomplish all 4 and after doing some research on anger management, when people are angry, they are really acting out of desperation and out of insecurity. By attacking the person whom they are targeting, it allows them to feel superior. When she cut me off mid sentence and screamed, "Jim! Don't be scared! Come here!" that was designed to control and intimidate me.

Whatever the case, I feel so bad even today that it may have not been really me that was the cause of her rage, but maybe her whole life or maybe even childhood she was let down by others who knows. I am not a doctor but all I can say is I have never met anybody who yelled at me like an Army Drill Sargent would. I have had many people drop the ball on me, I have never blew up at them in a fit of rage. I may complain or demand I get something free, but I don't sit there and scream my head off for what? Screaming and acting wild does not accomplish anything.

But at this point and through the help of several on this thread that helped me understand, I think I finally understand a lot better. I just hope to God that my client will one day will forgive me. I feel so bad because she was a great client, was very nice to me, always nice and I blew it by offering too many favors. but then again, I have many male clients and I have offered to do many favors outside of my specialty because that is just me, when a client hires me, I like to do my best to really wow them. But unfortunately, you have to be careful when doing favors for an attractive woman that could misinterpret that as me hitting on them which I was not.

What?

You were 4 hours late without contacting her? Without calling and giving her updates? Without apologizing profusely the whole time you were knowing you were going to be that late?

Heck yes, she had a right to be furious. I'd be furious and it has nothing to do with being "an attractive women" (don't get me started on how horribly sexist this comment is). You wasted half her day without letting her know what was going on. Cable companies (that are notorious for bad customer service) give a better window of service and keep in better touch with their clients than that. This has nothing to do with her attractiveness, mental illness, or her supposed interpretation that you were hitting on her. YOU screwed up. You were inconsiderate and rude when you did not keep her informed about your lateness. Own it and stop trying to justify it some other way.

I did apologize like crazy but lets also not forget, I am a painter, not a door knob repairman and I took the entire day to get together all the parts, tools, and I had to pick the brain of many associates at hardware stores to be sure the job would be done right. I even had to borrow a huge drill so while yes I was late, she lost the perspective that I was going beyond the call of duty to help and save her money. She again is a housewife that does not work or go anywhere. When I showed up to paint her house. I was ontime, did a fantastic job, etc..

No, YOU lost perspective that this client was waiting for your arrival. You should have contacted her to let her know when you would be arriving so she could have not been waiting around for you that whole time. You make too many assumptions that her time is not valuable since you assume housewives have no life.

The more you justify yourself, the more prone I am to be in total agreement with her having gone off on you when you arrived 4 hours late.

Well I guess we agree to disagree and we are both making assumptions that may or may not be true. Regardless of anything else the crime did not fit the punishment. I have never in my life seen anybody get so hysterical, so outraged, I guess you seem to think extreme rage is the norm. I disagree

so what if she has bipolar? How does that change your life? I'm sorry you experienced that but beyond that, what do you seek from this exchange?

Elsa, it doesn't change anything in my immediate life, but I just wish there was some way I could apologize to her and be forgiven. I didn't get a chance to do that because I was absolutely terror stricken when she was yelling at me and my mouth just glued shut I guess. But for now, there is nothing more that I can do and starting very soon I am going to put this behind me and just forget about her and move on. I thank you and the rest who helped me explore and find answers.

You apologize and she accepts or doesn't. I'm glad we could get to the root of the issue for you and you could get some closure. Have a good life. I wish you the best.

She sounds like one of my sisters.

Maybe she was just having a very bad day and decided to let you have it?

I don't really see the problem here - or why she is supposedly bipolar. She was just pissed off. Hasn't a woman ever gotten mad with you before? It's happened to me quite a bit - but I think that possibly says more about how much I drive them crazy than anything else.

yes it is very true she could have simply had a really bad day but I think if she recognized that and felt maybe she was a little too hard on me, I think most would call and apologize right? I never got a call so I don't know what else to say. If the situation was reversed, I would have called and apologized. My ex wife, once you cross her, there was no forgiveness ever, you were banned from her life for good. If she wants to use another company next time I will feel sad but i just hope she can at least forgive me. I have dropped the ball on some of my other clients and they were gracious but I always made sure to make it up by doing lots of freebees.

You need to apologize to her for being so late.

You were 4 hours late. If she was your friend and not your client it's still not a responsible thing to do but she is a client. Yes you we're doing her a favor but in your capacity as a professional. If you were late you should have called in advance like professionals do.

Yes I was apologizing like crazy the whole time she was screaming at me. I said it 3 times. She went from yelling to scolding once she saw I was being very submissive. Anyway thank you everybody for your input. Lesson learned, will be on time, do only what I was hired to do, and not volunteer to do jobs I am not qualified for

Raises hand !

I have a hot temper, but you were late AF. She treated you abusively, but one incidence of her being upset at you for something you did indeed do does not make her bipolar.

It is a crappy stigma we deal with. Excellent job perpetuating that. If you did something to piss someone off, own it Do not diagnose people with psychiatric disorders, we pay people a lot of money for their opinions on that due to their extensive training and experience. It sounds like you are a handy man, not a doctor.

Well thinkmaster, I just completed reading this entire thread. Looks like you should change your name to emotionalmaster. I am not calling you an a hole, but you wrote a lot of a hole comments. Perhaps her anger precipitated due to your tendency to say a hole-ish things and was finally tipped to critical mass when you were 4 hours late. Just because someone is not employed does not make their time any less important, I hope you do not operate in such a rude way compulsively, though I would not be surprised if you did.

O.P. i don't even get why you care so much. Most ppl would just walk away and move on. Seems obsessive

This thread is being closed for review because it's pointless as hell.

nah jkjk I'm not a moderator I only play one on tv

As I said before, had she just texted me to cancel because she felt 4 hours late was too much(by the way I was doing her a favor and wasn't charging her), I wouldn't have felt so bad.

I wrote on this forum because the level of rage she has shown was just unbelievable. It was as if I was her husband and she just found out I was cheating on her. OK I can understand that kind of rage but to be ready to beat me to a pulp I thought was just so out of line for being late. AND IN CASE ANYBODY IS GLOSSING OVER, I WAS DOING HER A FAVOR, PROVIDING A FREE SERVICE AND WASN'T CHARGING HER. I DID MY JOB AS FAR AS PAINTING 100% SATISFACTION. i AM A PAINTER NOT A PLUMBER, NOT A CARPENTER ETC..

AND THE REASON I CARE SO MUCH IS BECAUSE SHE WAS A VERY GOOD CLIENT WHO WAS LOYAL, VERY KIND, AND FOR SOME REASON I MADE HER SO ANGRY. I FELT HORRIBLE SO THIS IS WHY I AM TRYING TO FIND OUT. IF I WAS COLD AND CALLOUS, I WOULD HAVE NOT CARED. THE REASON I DID NOT CALL WAS BECAUSE SHE GOT UPSET THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDN'T NEED ME TO CALL HER EVERY FIVE MINUTES FOR A MINUTE BY MINUTE UPDATE.

She's most likely not BP. It's rare 2.6% of the U.S. population has BP. She could have just been in a bad mood and you got sucked into it for being super late.