I am done

I am just feeling very irritable and agitated so I feel like I just need to spew on this page.

Spew away, we're listening.

I really wish I could talk to my T. But I need to lay low I have her frustrated right not.

I just want to sleep but I can't. Damn family obligations.

This akathisia is still kicking my butt although it might be getting better.

It is your body, you get to do what ever you want with it.
F*** that.
get the tatoo.
bizi

She has been waiting 15 years to get her tattoo and I always told her no she would regret it. So now the tables have turned. I think I am slipping into a mixed state or slightly hypomanic. That is why she wants me to ride it out. But I do think the tattoo would be a good reminder for me to keep fighting.

I am sick of being dependent on people - T, pdoc, wife but most of all dependent on pills. I want my independence back.

I'm sorry things are bad right now. Bipolar changed everything for me, just about.

Please don't give up. Also, there are meds out there that aren't weight gainers. I told my pdoc no daytime sedation and no weight gain. We were able to do that. I'm actually underweight now.

Things will change, I promise. They have to because that is how bipolar works.

It's ok to depend on people. My partner and I both have bipolar 1. We love each other and support each other. I do not think ANY less of him because he has bipolar.

I wish I could help you feel better. It will get better, ok?

Feel free to PM me for support. Or my meds (non-gainers).

This will pass, it has to. xo

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your family will be devastated, forever. My dad committed suicide. We never got over it.

I have been where you are at....please go to the ER if you have a plan.

You're not horrible. You feel horrible right now. I feel that parental guilt, too. But my daughter is happy and fine. She loves me and I'm sure they love you. Parenting is hard even without bipolar, I bet. Hang in there, Crook.

Screw your T. Tell your T you're mad at them. They work for you. Seriously. Get a new one that can be there for you. No rush. Just think about it. They work for YOU.

Whew, I don't have any tattoos but I'd take one if I could give back some of that mania stuff, lol.

*hug*

That's awesome he texted you. He cares about you.

I remember my pdoc said, "I care about you. You are my patient." It felt good and I felt less alone.

Your pdoc sounds good.

Yes, I've taken all and agree. I still take Lamictal and Geodon. I didn't gain at all on these meds. Wellbutrin is an AD that may help.

Hi BipolarNurse =]

Just on the flip side, my pdoc will not prescribe Zyprexa to ANY of his patients because he said it's a notorious weight gainer. As you can see, it depends on the person.

I've been "done" several times. As long as you don't act on being done, it's ok to throw your hands in the air and say "no more" for awhile. Sometimes it necessary to step back from it all. If you have any kind of plan to end it, seek help immediately. (((Hugs)))

Maybe reply to someone's thread if you need to occupy your mind. I'm sad because my cat died yesterday. And I don't know you, but I thought, "hey, this guy is really feeling down. Maybe I can support him and remind him things will change."

Tattoo sounds interesting. Nothing on your forehead, lol

Suicide plans...noooo. Be safe. xo

Sorry about your cat. One of ours died about 4 months ago. I thought about going to the SPCA today to pet some fuzzy heads but never got the energy to go.

As for suicide plans they are always running through my head.

I wish I was never born. I feel like I am just a huge mistake.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I understand you want your independence, all you have to do is change the way you think and i know it will take time for it.

AS you think you shall become.

its like a flower that you nourish it will take time to grow and how you nourish it thats the the way it will grow.

Also go on youtube look for vikpatelmotivation (all in one word)

and look for the video titled Bad relationship asylum. I hope that this will help you

Going to the SPCA sounds like a good thing to do anyway. When our two cats aren't available we go to the local Petsmart and pet the cats from the local Humane Society.

You're not a mistake. You have an serious illness that needs more management.

I just can't get the ruminating thoughts to go away.

These ruminating thoughts is it OCD?
Do you suffer with that also?
I know they use luvox to help treat that. Maybe you could ask your pdoc?
((((HUGS))))
I am sorry it is so hard for you right now.
bizi

No OCD that I know of.

I see my pdoc in 5 hours. Still trying to figure out exactly how I am doing and what I am feeling so I can tell him. Was supposed to see my T today but it ended up being the same time as pdoc. So now I have to wait 2 more days to see my T.

[QUOTE=Crook32;5734891]When I see my pdoc next week I am telling him I want a total med wash. Then if I do choose to start meds again they will be weight losers or I won't take them. I am tired of all this weight I carry from the meds I have been on over the years.

If I am going to be ****ed up anyways I might as well not be 50 pounds over weight.

I am sick of meds. I am sick of being crazy. All I think about throughout the day are ways to kill myself. It

Hi there. I feel what you are saying. My meds also made me gain 50 pounds but the way I see it, I'd rather gain the weight instead of live in pure misery. Perhaps you are not on the right medications because if you were you would see how someone with bipolar really needs to be on medication, but of course the right ones. I've been like a guinna pig myself and have been on so many medications for bipolar. What is helping me now is Risperdone. It has done wonders for me and got me out of a severe depression where i ended up hospitalized last year for. So good luck to you and I hope you find what will make you happy and want to live.