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#701
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Trying to be a positive presence, but feeling hollow. I think I'll go hide in a hole so I don't taint anyone's day.
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![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Gabyunbound, ldymia, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#702
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Quote:
bizi
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lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Anonymous37971, Daonnachd, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() Daonnachd
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#703
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So I had a better day at work. I wasn't annoyed with my customers. It was pleasant. Luckily, I did not get spoken to about yesterday.
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![]() Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#704
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You can pass this. It happened to me too. My cat passed away 2 years ago last year at 16. It hurt me so much. I started balling my eyes out right there in the vets office. But I eventually learned that she is still with me. She and all my other good pets are waiting up there for me.
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![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, ldymia, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#705
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Those that judge and look down at others are the sickest of all. You know yourself and your value and so does everybody here and everybody in your personal circle ![]() |
![]() bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, VerMOZZica, Wild Coyote
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![]() VerMOZZica
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#706
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(((((((((gina_re))))))))) So sorry to hear about your furbaby.
![]() Here...been better. Anxiety has been very high. There are things that need doing and... I just can't seem to will myself to do them. Things are just freaking me out and overwhelming me. Turned out BF's back situation was more serious than a herniated disc and they had to do surgery (for hours!) He'll be in the hospital awhile yet, then apparently some additional care (that they come to our home for(?!) Meanwhile, it's weird having the place to myself while he's in the hospital. I don't think the anxiety is about that though. It's more free-floating, and had started previous to it. Regardless, it's doing a number on me. I just want to go hide in a hidey-hole. |
![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wander, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#707
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Today has been an ok day so far (4 pm) but I do tend to fall apart at night. This morning was my first day without Zoloft (coming straight off as only been on low dose for six days). It sent me mixed in a very bad way. After TMS I studied for a university test and then went to university for three hours. Thanks to Modafinil I made it through and did well in my test. Now my brain is fried though. TV for me tonight.
This is my seventh week in hospital and in eight days I will have finished my TMS. Still waiting for it to work and really hoping it does as I am desperate to go home. Depression is still bad but I think it is improving a little. Just hope the agitation goes away once the Zoloft is out of my system. It has been excruciating. On the positive side it is spring here and the weather is warming up. I love warmer weather and dislike winter.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#708
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My father is here and sleeps most of the time. Otherwise, he is awake and complains about aches and pains. I am hoping he is having a peaceful rest while he visits me. I think that being in his eighties and doing physical labor is becoming too much for him. I wish he can retire and spend his time sleeping and taking it easy. As for me, I am tired but doing ok. I think the generic Abilify works but the side effects of sedation and weight gain are problems. If I feel my weight cannot be controlled, I will return to brand Abilify. I will take generic Abilify for at least two months to see its full effect. If I blow up into the Michelin man in the next two months, I will realize that the side effect of weight gain is not worth the saving in cost of generic Abilify. We shall see!
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![]() Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#709
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Quote:
![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, Sunflower123, wonderluster
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#710
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() So sorry for your loss. ![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, Sunflower123, wonderluster
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#711
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yesterday got my sterrio installed.
I like it, nice basey sound. I am doing okay- I didn't sleep yesterday, stayed up until about 3 30 working out all the functions of the sterrio, then just caught up on some tv programme from the night before. I saw my mental health worker today. told her not much had changed since we last spoke, and she was sorry things couldn't be more positive. worked out my dinner for tonight, turkey dinos and chips (I actually have some crinkle cut chips in so will have those) rain is less today, actually it's quite hot inside today (not muggy hot I wouldn't say, just hot), so will be sensible and put my fan on in a minit |
![]() bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#712
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I went to bed early around 8 or so, depressed and sleepy from meds. Woke up around 3 feeling hyper, wide awake...and no depression. I think I'm starting a manic episode.
Since I've been up I have done dishes, cleaned stove and oven, cleaned bathroom, cleaned living room, took shower, did hair, and got an appointment with therapist for this afternoon. And waiting for others to get up so I can cook a big breakfast. ( I usually skip breakfast and lunch) Does that sound like a manic beginning?
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Love & Light ![]() |
![]() bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#713
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I'm coping. Barely.
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![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() bizi, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#714
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__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Anonymous37971, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() Wild Coyote
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#715
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Quote:
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![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wild Coyote
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#716
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So I am not letting my BPD super powers distress me tonight.
Yes, I see right through things that the average John and Jane have no clue about as they avidly seek to fulfill their needs and desires. It is not my fault that the entire world is a crime scene, but it is my fault if I try to solve it all now and let it make me crazy. Just kidding...mostly. Thanks and Hugs to All ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi
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#717
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Doing pretty good. Went cold turkey on stopping caffeine (my therapist wanted me to stop). Headache from ****. I think I'll try slow reduction
![]() Got permission to float through this week though the pool is closed. Yay!!!! Heading down there soon then going out to $5 movie day Tuesday to watch 3 movies. I am very grateful on the days I'm able to go out. You really can't take anything for granted with this illness. I hope everyone is doing ok. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() bizi, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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#718
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enjoy your day jenn!
((((HUGS)))) bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wonderluster
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![]() Sunflower123
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#719
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I mentioned on PC before that the consequences get worse the more we make the same mistake.
My mistake of choice is one that I think many with BPD can understand, but few would be so stupid to commit FOUR times. Four times 4 different women befriended me on FB when I was minding my own business and I ended up traveling from 3,000 miles to halfway around the world to marry them. This all happened in the last 5 years. The first time my fiance died of cancer a week after she was diagnosed with it. We were together a year and we talked about 8 hours a day the whole time. I never knew what loneliness was until she died. The last 3 have been horror shows. I have pretty much decided to leave India the first of next month. I was promised that my visa would remain legal, but it never happened. I may face fines and jail time up to 5 years. Hopefully the American Consular can help me get off with just fines. I am really stuck this time. It looks like my best bet is to get to England and find an organic farm that gives room and board in exchange for help. There is a world wide program that hooks travelers up with farm hosts called WWOOF. Anyways, Just over a year ago I was a host with wwoofers on my property in Arizona and before that I wwoofed for 3 months on a Hare Krishna farm in Mississippi near New Orleans, so I am familiar with this. I am really stressed. This is a very bad situation. I can not begin to explain how effed up this is. I feel like I am being held hostage. It really gets scary as Hell sometimes. There is something really wrong here and it is not entirely in my head. Ok...now I am getting freaked out thinking about it. Thanks and Hugs! |
![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
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#720
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I am sorry you also go through this. ![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, Sunflower123, wonderluster
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![]() wonderluster
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#721
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But that is getting philosophical. Someone said the key to life is knowing when to leave. Something is telling me to get out of here, QUICK! Thanks for listening. It really helps me to get this stuff out. It has been such a burden dealing with this silently in my head. I hope you are all ok. I will try to sleep now. It is 3:02 am. I can sleep til Noon so it's ok ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37971, Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#722
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Quote:
![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() bizi, Sunflower123
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#723
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![]() It's the crazy romance that can only be sustained from a distance in a fantasy realm. I get that now. I finally get it. Local romance can be crazy enough and that is all if any that I will ever again get involved with. I will no longer make my life crazy and complicated (in this way, anyways) Single and Simple sounds real nice....if I survive this! |
![]() Anonymous37971, bizi, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#724
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Quote:
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__________________
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![]() Anonymous45023, bizi, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wonderluster, xRavenx
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#725
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Ended up back at convenient care this weekend, breathing treatment, steroid and antibiotics again. Feeling much better today.
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() Anonymous45023, bizi, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wonderluster, xRavenx
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