[Unrigged64072835]

Been really irritable and grumpy this past week. Also worrying and sad. Despite that, I've got some things done and other things set up. I guess that's progress.

[Victoria'smom]

At families now because of Hurricane Irma. Spent the last couple of days in the car. We haven't gotten appointments with our therapistservice or pdocs. Hell our lease is up at the end of the month and we haven't signed a new one. At least we're out of the way.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Today marks the last day I have off from work. Back to the grind on Monday.

Been feeling kinda "down" still. I don't know. I've tried being positive, but it's not working.

On the upside, I just bought myself a workout backpack. My shoulder and back hurt too much whenever I use my workout duffel, so I figured I'd try out a backpack instead. It's 31L and has a shoe compartment, which is a very nice feature. It's coming in the mail in 3-5 business days.. I'll be able to bring it to work and use my work's gym again.

Working out and exercising regularly is very good therapy for me. I enjoy it very much!

You mentioned you are feeling kind of down. When down I search my feelings and thoughts and memories and find the cause of my "down" feelings. Once I do that I am ok.

Causes of mania are hard to detect for me. Manic just may be my natural state these days. Depression used to be my natural state. That likely makes no sense to anybody but myself.

Some say there does not have to be a reason why a person is depressed. Well I always find my reason and I always find the reason why others are depressed when they talk to me about it.

Best wishes with the workouts!

Not feeling as depressed today. Not sure if that's a good thing because I'm restless as all hell as always. I kinda liked my 3 days of laying around doing nothing.

[wonderluster]

I am up the creek without a paddle!
so I think I'll just float downstream...

The alternative is that I become hysterical with fear.
I will hold off on that for now.

Actually I really do not have a choice.
Who chooses to be hysterical with fear?

I am grateful right now that though I am up the creek without a paddle I can just float downstream. No meds...No PRN...No Drugs or booze...

Tonight I have been given peace and calmness in a very real storm that makes Irma look like a pesky mosquito.

I Wish You All Peace in Your Storms

Riding the toxic rocket: 14 years ago I was paralyzed following the rush of loading a 40-foot shipping container and moving from the South Bay to Honolulu. I had been so deeply depressed for so long that I decided in desperation to jump-start my system: I read on Erowid that DXM was a powerful dissociative that acts as an SSRI, so I went to the drugstore and took an OTC flood dose, popping an entire package of cough suppressant tablets and washing them down with espresso-strength coffee. I staggered down the crowded and brightly-illuminated streets of Waikiki as they became muted, crystalline and tinkly. The stress on my brain induced the phase transition I had hoped for, rocketing me out of depression into mania. Erowid reported instances of long-term cognitive impairment, fatal liver injury, cardiovascular effects and hypersedation following DXM abuse, but none of those consequences materialized. Don’t ever try this: It was very stupid but it worked.

A popular pastime that every PC bipolar should experience:

[liveforsummer]

Hugs and be safe to all those living in the path of Irma

[xRavenx]

Worried about my friend still, who is in the path of Irma. I did get to speak with her today. I hope everyone here stays safe too.

Today, I stayed home for most of the day. Going anywhere for long has been triggering anxiety and exacerbating the racing thoughts, dissociation, and feelings that I've been struggling with. I've been trying to do all the things I'm supposed to do as far as coping goes.

I wish I can escape everything that seems to be following me. In addition to all of this, my self-esteem is getting worse--big time--but luckily, it did help to mention a few things to a friend, without going to detail with her too much. I feel that I scare people off, if I tell them too much. Nobody in my family knows how to handle anything that involves "emotions." I am glad I don't have anywhere I need to go tomorrow, since I can't handle it at the moment, but on the other hand, it's hard being alone with all these thoughts. Just trying to get by.

[scatterbrained04]

So very restless tonight. Can't sleep. Starting to feel panicked. Been awhile since I've struggled like this. Hoping it's just an isolated thing.

[liveforsummer]

Wide awake here. Can't sleep. Going crazy. Could go for a run but might be frowned upon at this late hour. Already listened to music, googled looking for footage of concerts I went to in the 80's. Dunno what else to do.

[winter loneliness]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

A popular pastime that every PC bipolar should experience:

Nice. Sharky laguna is your brother?

I am good. I am a bit confrontational and mouthy. Gotta watch myself.

[jmariah001]

Finally got the car back after it was broke down for over a week. Was starting to feel trapped. Good thing to because my husband has a meeting on Monday. It really sucked not having a car. So now I am feeling somewhat better. Still dealing with a little bit of anxiety. But I see my pdoc on wednesday next week. I will talk to her about it. I have vistaril to take but it doesn't seem strong enough to really do anything. I would like something a bit stronger. I am also praying for everyone in the path of Irma. It sounds like a bad storm. 185 mph winds. I hope people evacuated like they were told to. I am still also am praying for the victims of Harvey. This hurricane season has been a bad one so far. Not to mention all the wildfires going on out west. There was also an 8.0 earthquake I think last night sometime. Don't know much about it though. There seems to be a lot of natural disasters going on right now. More than usual. Kind of scary I think.

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

Nice. Sharky laguna is your brother?

Laguana.

It's now September 9th in North Korea.




Reunification is near.



In autumn of 1999 I was embedded as a clandestine transvestite in the North Korean Army's all-female 405th Antiaircraft Artillery Unit in Hoeryong near the Chinese border. I'm holding the red flag on the right in the above photo. That's my girlfriend Kim Sohjin with the green net draped over her right shoulder. She tasted like military cigarettes and cordite.

I loved that red flag.

Anyone wishing to

, PM me.

[scatterbrained04]

Having a rough day. Got completely overwhelmed by the mess my son made in our house. Exploded in anger. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed, guilty, worthless, ashamed...

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Having a rough day. Got completely overwhelmed by the mess my son made in our house. Exploded in anger. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed, guilty, worthless, ashamed...

All we can do is apologize to people we hurt when we lose control and forgive ourselves.

We have to think of measures we can take so we do not display anger towards others.

I have come to realize that showing anger towards others always makes things worse. It is always better to confront people who offend or hurt us in a calm and compassionate way. It is difficult and sometimes we may fail.
Some of us have great difficulties controlling anger, but that does not mean you are bad. Bad people would not care. You care

[xRavenx]

Sitting around, drinking my coffee and eating snacks. I was in a daze earlier, but feeling a little better, but it's moment to moment. The weather is nice here. It's not too hot and sunny. For some reason, I am sensitive to how the weather is as far as my moods go lately. I can't afford for anything in my environment to be "off" or going wrong, since I've been having problems. I need to remain positive though and don't want to think about the future too much, or it triggers me.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Laguana.

It's now September 9th in North Korea.




Reunification is near.



In autumn of 1999 I was embedded as a clandestine transvestite in the North Korean Army's all-female 405th Antiaircraft Artillery Unit in Hoeryong near the Chinese border. I'm holding the red flag on the right in the above photo. That's my girlfriend Kim Sohjin with the green net draped over her right shoulder. She tasted like military cigarettes and cordite.

I loved that red flag.

Anyone wishing to

, PM me.

Wow...that stuff obviously is working good for you.
I had a medical card for the stuff the first half of 2016 in Arizona.
My local dispensary was in Kingman.

My favorite item was the 6 gram mega-joint for $60. All high grade stuff.
What a deal that was. Most of the time it was emptied to be smoked in a pipe.

I guess I got too stoned because I sold my business and property August 2016 and started traveling the Earth.
I sure do miss my dispensary.
I only smoked once in the last year. I was in Athens at the time.

Da Doink is good medicine for some people. Nobody should judge others for using it. It matters not what one takes or does not take as long as they do not hurt themselves and others.

Carry on...

[wildflowerchild25]

I think I'm stabilizing. I've had a good couple of days. Been taking emsam every day for about a week. It gave me the jitters the first day but since then no hypomania. I am cautiously optimistic. Sometimes I get a few days of stability before swinging again but maybe that won't happen.

The American Experience: Smoking big ol' doinks in the Amish with Young King Dave. He smells rank but he's very generous with the doinks.

I've been *****ing that a certain antipsychotic that I won't name to avoid the appearance of endorsement threw me bad dreams every. Single. Night.

Last night President Trump was showing me his collection of Song dynasty jades, which was highly plush: scores of exquisitely-articulated maximum-value figurines of dogs, elephants, waterfowl, water buffalo, chimeras, horses, cong (ritual hollow cylinders embedded in a partial segmented rectangular block) and bi (ritual perforated discs). Who would have thought that Donald Trump had such sophisticated taste in jades? He's reportedly affirmatively racist towards Jews, surrounding himself with Jewish lawyers, accountants, executives,
advisors, staff and son-in-law and puts his pimp hand down for Israel; he probably retained an elite bipolar Jewish jade dealer (most are, trust me) to find him the good stuff. He was very friendly and cared about what I had to say. I spoke to him with respect, but never thought to call him "Mr. President". I can't decide if this had been a bad dream or not.

My brother is in

.



A solar flare may have postponed North Korea's anticipated ICBM launch. Disappointed. Oahu hosts Marine Corps Base Hawaii, Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam and the Army Jungle Warfare School. We could catch a Rodong. I miss the era of the Taepodong, which promised fewer possible local catastrophic outcomes.

God protect those in Irma's path. The television sensationalists aren't telling you that the storm is weakening and could conceivably miss Florida altogether. Florida's highway infrastructure wasn't designed to accommodate the evacuation of 6.2 million. Millions of vehicles heading north bumper-to-bumper until they run out of gas which isn't available at thousands of depleted stations sounds like a special kind of hell.

I read that Japan was done and only negotiating the fate of their emperor when the atomics dropped and the real motivation of the first nuclear attacks was to scare the Christ out of the Soviets. That's a lot of lives sacrificed for technological intimidation. Someone was still pretty upset about Pearl Harbor. Only a few years ago, the Russians declassified never-before-seen airborne footage of the devastation of Hiroshima, so we did get their attention.

Front side of US Office of War Information notice #2106, dubbed the “LeMay bombing leaflet,” a psychological warfare document delivered to Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and 33 other Japanese cities on 1 August 1945. The kanji printed in the circles surrounding the bombers are intended target cities.

Several of my Japanese-American friends' parents were imprisoned in the camps. I found a kobijutsu gallery in Omotesando that reverently displayed an ordinary white oblong porcelain serving dish with gilded edges and a swastika in the center.

Speaking of Nazis, my father refused to purchase a German-made car. The Nazis killed far more Poles in my family than Jews.

[xRavenx]

I shouldn't have jinxed myself by writing that today seemed better....

I got into a really, really bad fight with a relative. Worse than it has been in a long time. She said something to trigger me. My reactions to things have gotten really intense and aggressive, although I did feel I was egged on by the person and being belittled, unless I am delusional and don't even know it. I just took a Klonopin. I'm calling my pdoc Monday.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

Disagreements with relatives can be very disheartening!

I hope you have a restful night!


WC

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

Disagreements with relatives can be very disheartening!

I hope you have a restful night!


WC

Thank you so much. I'll try! I just left a message for my pdoc on the phone, and she just texted me. She does not have Monday available for an appointment, but we are currently in the works of trying to find a day/time for me to come in.

[Unrigged64072835]

Finished my homework for the week.

Went to a park and have some nice photos of a hummingbird. Hopefully will go through them and put them up next week.

My right eye hurts when I close it. I hope it's just a stye and will go away soon.

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I shouldn't have jinxed myself by writing that today seemed better....

I got into a really, really bad fight with a relative. Worse than it has been in a long time. She said something to trigger me. My reactions to things have gotten really intense and aggressive, although I did feel I was egged on by the person and being belittled, unless I am delusional and don't even know it. I just took a Klonopin. I'm calling my pdoc Monday.

Allow yourself to be intense and aggressive. Our illness is our power. Don't take any crap from anybody.