[Nammu]

I'm having a down day, not BP down just normal down. Got a freaking headache that's to the weather and in an attempt to stay busy without moving an inch I'm lurking here. Have about 50 pages left in my book but don't feel like finishing it. Mum put all the ingredients out for chocolate chip banana bread this morning and I've ignored the hints. She wants me to bake it. I'm not falling for it, she wants me to do something she can outright ask and not hint around. It's so aggravating that she hints around, instead of being forthright. But at 89 she's not going to change.

[Sunflower123]

It's so incredibly difficult to have family members who don't understand mental illness or members who think you can think your way out of it. When you are struggling anyway it makes it so much worse. You guys are really the only ones who get it. I'm so glad you're here.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I'm having a down day, not BP down just normal down. Got a freaking headache that's to the weather and in an attempt to stay busy without moving an inch I'm lurking here. Have about 50 pages left in my book but don't feel like finishing it. Mum put all the ingredients out for chocolate chip banana bread this morning and I've ignored the hints. She wants me to bake it. I'm not falling for it, she wants me to do something she can outright ask and not hint around. It's so aggravating that she hints around, instead of being forthright. But at 89 she's not going to change.

Wow...chocolate chip banana bread!

My mother is strange like that too.
She lives halfway around the world from me.

I would really like to make CCB bread for her right now.
But I would probably want to split by tomorrow.

I spent some unexpected close time with her a few years ago.
I unexpectedly came to live across the street from her for about 2 years.
Before that I always lived far away and only visited her a couple times a year since I was 18.

My Mom is a proud untreated BPD: Madder than a Hatter's daughter.
She drives me nuts, but just before I read your post I sent her an email.

I wrote,"I hope you are well. Thanks for being You <3 "

Love Your Mamma while You can

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

It's so incredibly difficult to have family members who don't understand mental illness or members who think you can think your way out of it. When you are struggling anyway it makes it so much worse.

It is heartbreaking for me too.

That is why I do not discuss or reveal my personal issues with "those" people.

They call it, "Casting Pearls before..."

God bless us all; Everyone.

[SheilaKathy]

I'm feeling a little better. I could say that I am a bit relieved, I guess. I was worried, so that is an improvement.

I have been working on DOING things that take my mind off my problems. I am writing lists to help me to have things to DO right at my fingertips so that I have no excuse to sit around and mope.

[liveforsummer]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

It's so incredibly difficult to have family members who don't understand mental illness or members who think you can think your way out of it. When you are struggling anyway it makes it so much worse. You guys are really the only ones who get it. I'm so glad you're here.

OH MY GOSH!!! This is so freaking bizarre! I couldn't stand to be sitting at home right now so went out to walk (anywhere where ever around town) and I just sat on this concrete wall and logged on to type ,
"I hate my brain right now and You guys are the only ones that truly get this!!!!"
Then I saw Jennifer's words of a similar thought too.

I too am glad you guys are here
Now I'm gonna keep walking....

[wonderluster]

It is about 6am in South-East India
I am just about to go to sleep, but there is one more mosquito left alive in my bedroom.
There may be more. They have a tactic of appearing one at a time.
I have 3 or 4 confirmed kills tonight. I do not mark them down so I do not know for certain. That would be a bit nutty if I kept a score sheet or carved notches.

There are usually about a half dozen that sneak in every night.
(One just flew by now)

Did you ever see Bill Murray on Caddyshack trying to get the gopher?
Picture 6 gophers a night.

They terrorize me and I am afraid to sleep.

On a brighter note:
I am still in a heap of a mess, but I kind of got used to being in messes.
I do not look for messes or enjoy messes, but I guess I am just lucky.

Blessed are the people in messes, for they inherit something or the other...

Anyways, thanks for noticing me

[Wander]

Exhausted. Been out of IP for 5 days after severe depression which lifted 10 days ago. I'm ok, just very tired. Think this is normal after an episode. Slept 12 hours last night with no temazepam. Just stopped taking it but still sleeping heaps. Feeling fragile also. Like I could break if touched slightly the wrong way. Well tomorrow I have to hit the ground running with appointments, study and back to work. Hope I have the energy and focus to get through.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Blue guessed Seroquel. I am guessing the same.
Please see your pdoc.

Stay safe, Jacky.

WC

thanks W.C. I'm trying. mostly I'm trying to knock myself so I don't miss sleep so things don't get to dangerous. Its helping to keep it in some level of control. The SI and sexual/impulsive urges remain but I can say no to myself still at this point

hope you are out of pain and feeling good!

[bpforever1]

Sleepy weepy on generic Abilify. I am drinking coffee which helps. But, it is stressful to be so sleepy. I want to get another part-time job but this entails working daily even on weekends. I may switch back to brand Abilify as soon as possible. I have another two months of generic Abilify. May be I will take it again only if I run out of brand Abilify.

[jacky8807]

I feel pretty awful. All over the place. And the anxiety is tearing me down.
This song from charley and the cholate factory when they are going through the creepy tunnel keeps running through my head over and over

"Round the world and home again

That's the sailor's way

Faster faster, faster faster

There's no earthly way of knowing

Which direction we are going

There's no knowing where we're rowing

Or which way the river's flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing

Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing

So the danger must be growing

Are the fires of Hell a-glowing

Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing

For the rowers keep on rowing

And they're certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing"

it's official

my Christmas list for this year is done

(I did it in like an hour last night while listening to the pogues fairytale of new York on repeat!).

anyway, at the top of my list is to get a new sky Q BOX and I also wanna get some cds and dvds and a new lamp and candy and stuff

happy early Christmas all

[WildcatVet]

Great night's sleep and everything's looking much brighter today...and I mean that in a good way. Guess the meds are finally kicking back in because I'm feeling much calmer and, dare I say, hopeful?!? Maybe I'll make some plans for the day...starting with a very much needed bath!

[SheilaKathy]

I'm OK. I don't have to go to work today, or put up with any negativity as far as I know, so I think it will be a good day.

As to my mood, I'm encouraged, I guess, just because of the above.

[scatterbrained04]

Not feeling very well at the moment. Slight headache and nausea. Plus my nose is stuffy. Feel stressed and very "off." Here lately I've been feeling very scared I'm about to head for trouble.

crashing.... hard..

my earlier post and my earlier joy seems like ages away

[scatterbrained04]

I'm so tired of living on ibuprofen and Tums.

[liveforsummer]

I'm home on my own today which is totally what I did not want to happen, Even though that's the case I stopped myself from saying so to my husband, last thing I want is for him to feel he has to baby sit me and make me "happy" ( so not the job of others).He works hard long hours and deserves to do some of his own fun activities sometimes too. I don't want to be here by myself. I already walked over an hour this morning. I don't know what to do. Well theres lots of chores I could do but don't want to (lazy me) and I'm sitting back in bed (with my stinky walking/running clothes still on).
Ugh I want to scream

1:08 pm- ok going to sign off PC (for a while) and shower. Then figure out some way to occupy my mind

[hopeless2015]

Just got out of bed, it's noon here. Got a load of laundry started and I'm laying on the couch now. Trying not to think about tomorrow

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I feel pretty awful. All over the place. And the anxiety is tearing me down.
This song from charley and the cholate factory when they are going through the creepy tunnel keeps running through my head over and over

"Round the world and home again

That's the sailor's way

Faster faster, faster faster

There's no earthly way of knowing

Which direction we are going

There's no knowing where we're rowing

Or which way the river's flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing

Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing

So the danger must be growing

Are the fires of Hell a-glowing

Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing

For the rowers keep on rowing

And they're certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing"

I hope you feel better soon...

Try this Willy Wonka Song for a change!

Hold your breath Make a wish
Count to three

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of
Pure imagination

Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination
We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly
Wish to be

Willy Wonka "Pure Imagination"

[hopeless2015]

Husband just bought us some lunch and I'm laying on the couch. Kinda in a panic about going back to work. If I don't work next week I'll end up with no pay and that will just make things worse. I'm terrified of going back though. I always feel this way when I've been off. I got out of the house a couple times this weekend and I survived. I just need to do this. The nurse is supposed to call me back tomorrow. She is supposed to talk to the dr I'm seeing on Oct 25th about adding Wellbutrin or something to my cocktail. What I'm on now just isn't cutting it. I spend way too much time depressed.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

crashing.... hard..

my earlier post and my earlier joy seems like ages away

Don't forget that this crash will pass!
Try to distract yourself from yourself.

Treat yourself today!

(This will pass)

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Husband just bought us some lunch and I'm laying on the couch. Kinda in a panic about going back to work. If I don't work next week I'll end up with no pay and that will just make things worse. I'm terrified of going back though. I always feel this way when I've been off. I got out of the house a couple times this weekend and I survived. I just need to do this. The nurse is supposed to call me back tomorrow. She is supposed to talk to the dr I'm seeing on Oct 25th about adding Wellbutrin or something to my cocktail. What I'm on now just isn't cutting it. I spend way too much time depressed.

You know...

If we know there is something that we must do, we need to force ourselves to do it...even if we do not "feel" like doing it.

If we do not do what we must do, we will feel worse.

Of course if we accept the consequences of our actions or lack thereof with a smile, then that is just "exercising options".

I hope your depression passes soon!

[wonderluster]

Fortunately the problems in each of our respective minds are just a tad more complicated than we ourselves are.

It takes just a tiny nudge of effort and slight stretch of imagination to expand our minds and solve the problem so we can create a more complicated one for ourselves.

[Sunflower123]

Having a really good day today. Got myself up, showered and out for a walk in the sunshine. Now I'm working on that overachieving, perfectionistic list of things I tend to write up but I'm taking it slow and steady with frequent breaks. Yay for good days!!! Hugs to all.